Kitabı oku: «Space: one hundred one story of surrealism»

© Рим Дик, 2023

ISBN 978-5-0059-7620-8

Created with Ridero smart publishing system

Table of Contents

Space: One Hundred and One Stories of Surrealism

parallel universes

Fonts provided by ParaType

© Rome Dik, 2022

Here you will meet Hercules and Dumbledore, the engineer’s mole, Pinocchio and Freddy Krueger who keeps his secrets in boxes, a traveler’s bat through the universes, a spider looking for a house in space, cannibal socks, evil-eater ponies, wizard whales, giant gnomes, physicists’ stools and much more.. Cyborgs and teleporters, vampire atoms, copycat shadow, speed train worm…. This book is a rest, an invention, but an invention; truly unique and beautiful. Do not believe? Check it out!

18+

Created with the intelligent publishing system Ridero

Table of contents

 
Space: One Hundred and One Stories of Surrealism
SPACE: one hundred^{one story of surrealism}
SPACE: one hundred^{one story of surrealism}
 

Good morning my new reader! Welcome to my world of unimaginable, breathtaking and burning universe. Here, on the way home, through the thorny and sharp thorns of pleasure, you will fall into magic. Here, the wildest dreams become reality, the most childish fantasies come to life, and the monsters from under the bed in your room begin to sob non-stop, so that only this story will never end. In truth, only a few of you will master it, but those few of them who start will never think in a formula again. We cut all standards to shreds, into small wallpapers of universes. Here every story comes to life with new paint!

This book is an amazing world of magic and fantasy, bewitching, beautiful and so crazy! Have a good journey, wanderer who has entered the pages of parallel universes, space-time and black holes!

Ah, here it is – the Earth, so round, ripe, like an apricot, you can’t say that a billion small parasites live there. Look… A worm the size of the Eiffel Tower jumps out of a volcano, and dives back into the earth, eating it from the inside, chewing its way to Australia. Well, he has teeth, I wonder. Greedy. They say that worms do not like poison very much, therefore they bypass the nuclei. It couldn’t be otherwise. And there, on the clouds, on this earth – there, you know, penguins are sitting. They flew here from the south, when it became completely unbearable to live. Pay the mortgage, pay the utilities. They are tired of everything. To catch fish and feed the children, what else! Children have flippers, let them feed themselves, let them find food for themselves and get it. The penguins have risen high into the sky and perched on the clouds, and are watching when it will be possible to slide down them into the ocean and swim away to the polar bears. They say, polar bears didn’t see them, it will be funny to see how a penguin swims up to a polar bear, but he does not understand whether it is a fish or a bird. Or a log – that’s all. Or still killer whale. No, of course, there is nothing funny about this, the penguin is very dangerous, he will lift the bear high into the sky and throw it into a cliff somewhere in a canyon in America, and the bear really does not like it when it is hot. He will pull out a fan and blow into it. Who loves, right? The bear will cry, the fan does not help, and will become straw, so dry, terrible. The Indians will find him, think that people from the city left them so that they would not starve, they will throw him on his back, tie him with a rope and go to the waterfall. They will sit down by the waterfall to drink water, and then… the dried meat will absorb the splashes from the oasis, get up, come to life and tear off the head of the Indian with his paw, and say that he did not want to. Well, how could I not want it, since I tore it off, I really wanted it, I assure you, he wanted all this, what a liar fart, tell me? Well, don’t say so. I took offense at you. By the way, what am I offended by? Oh, yes, well, they drove. So. And these Indians…

The Indians have always loved to tempt fate, because a long time ago they came up with a rite that made them immortal, and therefore, that Indian stood up, took his head, shook off the sand, screwed it in place, and extended his hand to the bear. He is not a dangerous Indian. Kind. Make friends, just wanted to. The bear grabbed a hand with its mighty, sharp, well, as befits all bears, paw, and squeezing it, hit it several times on the stones, smearing all its insides over the layer, until the Indian grabbed the bear with his teeth and gnawed it to the bone. They didn’t eat for several months. The teeth have not been eaten for a long time, and the stomach, and the intestines, and the liver. Yes, and worms, and they are very hungry for food. The bear fell in battle with his equal. The Indians killed him in no time. Worms then spat wool for two weeks. And the Indians, those who have seen, say they go without panties, because six covered them from behind. Forgot about shorts in general. And the penguin croaked, looked at it from his cloud, and laughed, threw sardines down. While they were flying, they were rotten. That day, all the flies around the canyon were feasting. The Indians were washed off the flies for two days, until they themselves became flies because the arriving wings made them fly. The Indians flew all night long, looking for this and that, they didn’t find what they were looking for, and then they also found what they were looking for. One of them was an old oak, they have been looking for it since last Sunday, they left their friend “White Mongoose” here, they all liked to call each other names of animals, they believed that if you take the name of an eagle, after death you will become an eagle. So, Mongoose, became a mongoose after death, however, he was tied to a chain, that oak was on golden chains, the scientist cat made circles on that chain and sang songs, a mermaid sat on the branches, only they did not save the “white mongoose” which became an ordinary mongoose, and he dried up, became an ornament of the oak root. Words were spared on him and they did not make him immortal. The mermaid had a high opinion of herself. She sat, and she herself was very high and dyed her hair pink with silt. I couldn’t step on the branches in any way, the absence of the second leg all the time interfered. The cat was a scientist, although he was smart, like, I don’t know, like a mole, or like a four-fingered monitor lizard, but he didn’t think of giving a hand. Because he knew: “a kind person will give a hand to a suffering creature,” and he has something at the very paw. Well, not fate, so it was a hand in hand. And so the “white mongoose” died that day. A bear would not have wished this on anyone, and the penguin, glory to all the kings of animals, was not sentimental and compassionate towards other animals, especially those whom he did not know. It was believed that this was how it should be, and they were supposed to die as well, well, nothing else. The penguin drank lemonade from pears, scratched his flippers with his beak, and shouted obscene words, the most vile words that could be in the world:

“You are all shit!”, “No one will save you, the world is doomed!”, “Death to all shells!”, “Sneaky squirrels have seized power!”, “Coronavirus is a stream of 5G networks!”. Of course, there was nothing wrong with that, but the penguin really wanted to believe that he was a very bad penguin. He’s royal. Only he had not seen the king for a long time, who knows where this king is now. The king penguin was without his king, a hermit, unnecessary. Since he flew away, although he never saw the king, but everyone shouted to him about it, he considered himself the most beautiful bird in the entire earthly strip of the milky river.

Look, the king penguin is flying! shouted people, orangutans and koalas. The penguin turned around, bitch at them, and flew away. So they need. He fed them, and was pleased with himself.

– I’m completely free! shouted the penguin, hiding behind a cloud.

Another strange animal lived in those parts, his name was a kangaroo, he always liked to jump over stones, climb trees and chirp. He chirped, Mom, don’t worry. Nightingales, thrushes, gulls, bees flew to his tweets, and let’s, as they say, fuck him with rocks, stools, zebra babies and the bones of an old man who drank milk nearby – until he, a kangaroo, fell off a tree and ran away to cry in a cave where he huddled in a corner and trembled. Indians have long known that it is best not to tweet when not asked. Once, being on the verge of life and death, the “Fat walrus” tweeted that all the same birds had flown in and given him, in common people – pi @ dy and the will to run, then the “walrus” did not eat for a week, and he had strength he was not there, but after eating a couple of pi @ duley, he immediately gained strength. They say the Indians still do this when they’re hungry. That’s where all the legends end. Rarely, of course, rarely, often it would still be, the birds eat the Indians themselves. I remember that myths circulated from mouth to mouth that a thrush, lonely and hungry, killed seven virgin girls of fifty years old in his lifetime, raping their brains, and not only, but also other holes that he found. This time, I believe, screaming in my ear, the brains leaked out, and then he ate the poor, young, completely helpless girls. And when there was no food left at all, he built nests in his stomach. Tweeted until the morning, until the doctors arrived – woodpeckers. The woodpecker did not particularly like the thrush, he tore out the ribs from the corpse, and pierced the woodpecker through and through, put it on himself, and pretended to be a woodpecker. In his mind he was a woodpecker, but according to custom, not at all. But all doctors knew where a person or animal was suffering, and woodpeckers immediately flew there. So, this thrush flew in first and ate the poor things. But these are only legends, whether it actually happened, the survivors will not say. I myself found out about this by chance, thank all the animals, especially the lion, that he ate me first when this thrush attacked my friend and raped him and killed him. And I’m safe inside the lion. I’m here cleaning his stomach, cleaning, sweeping, taking out the garbage through the hatch in the back. However, nothing special. Everyone cleans up where they live, since ancient times it has been so. So I became the last witness to the crimes of the bird. They say he hired the mafia to find me, invited gangsters from all over the world and promised them untold wealth. I take out the garbage through the hatch at the back. However, nothing special. Everyone cleans up where they live, since ancient times it has been so. So I became the last witness to the crimes of the bird. They say he hired the mafia to find me, invited gangsters from all over the world and promised them untold wealth. I take out the garbage through the hatch at the back. However, nothing special. Everyone cleans up where they live, since ancient times it has been so. So I became the last witness to the crimes of the bird. They say he hired the mafia to find me, invited gangsters from all over the world and promised them untold wealth.

On the other side, in Eskimosia, whales lived in huge yurts and needles. Their world was strange, but entertaining. It was interesting that here, the yurts were under water, over a kilometer long, like, even to say, a hotel for underwater inhabitants. Of course, at first people lived there, still on the surface, when all this was, until somehow, the Kraken hit his head on the island, and the island stood upside down and turned over. The bottom became the top, the top became the bottom. However, nothing really has changed, still! A little more, it could have changed. So, whales lived in that igloo, those whales were artists, they smeared the paint from the backside of squids with their tail and drew the most beautiful patterns. On that day, in a strange way, a boy rose from the bottom, not at all the way we used to see him. The lightning bolt scar alone distinguished him from the whales, he himself was a whale, one might say, just like a toy that was extinguished for seven nights on fire, and fried in acid for thirteen. He called himself a sorcerer, and how, by God, I pray with all my heart that they don’t execute me for this, he will wave his fin at the pictures, they immediately became alive, and you could go inside the work of art. If the whales had not seen all this themselves, they would have considered it magic!

Yes, this is just the beginning. It turned out that the whale painted a picture, and in that picture, behind a rock of shells, there was this boy, he somehow created a passage in the picture, returned from the bottom and revived himself. How! There was also a ship, strange though, with tentacles, they were spinning like fans and blowing beauty over the mast of the ship. The ship glowed, so much so that a Christmas holiday was invented on that day. Well, isn’t it a miracle? Of course, it seems to you that you do not understand anything here, I assure you, many do not understand what is happening at all. The whales themselves clap themselves with an oar, laugh like damned ones, and then, they remember that this is how it should really be. After all, they should not be alive, it was not supposed to be like that. But glad, of course, that they are alive, however. Not only did they know how to think, but such a strange misfortune was added, they experienced pain and compassion, cried sand, and suffered. They suffered especially when, and they are already very intelligent, they could not sit on human toilets, they cried there for days, sometimes even a week! Who made them so reasonable, and invented shame for them, because before, as it was, you swim for yourself, swim and defecate, and here, you see, your conscience torments you that they pollute the water. Like, breathing feces is harmful to the body. And suddenly it began to concern them, after a thousand years of poop in the sea, well, how is it at all. But, on the other hand, it should have been. He made them reasonable, and therefore they used their gifts. conscience torments that they pollute the water. Like, breathing feces is harmful to the body. And suddenly it began to concern them, after a thousand years of poop in the sea, well, how is it at all. But, on the other hand, it should have been. He made them reasonable, and therefore they used their gifts. conscience torments that they pollute the water. Like, breathing feces is harmful to the body. And suddenly it began to concern them, after a thousand years of poop in the sea, well, how is it at all. But, on the other hand, it should have been. He made them reasonable, and therefore they used their gifts.

Of course, they came up with them like that, whether the gods, but who knows, they themselves did not know about it, evolution, for sure. Yes, but they couldn’t take it like that and immediately realize that they are just tons of texts on paper, and there is no world at all. But they lived, did not suspect that the pawns in the game of words, some kind of puppets. But they were more alive than many. One of them, Kitrisius, a sea hermit, a genius in their world, created an airplane, thousands of meters from the Leaning Towers of Pisa, they sat on them and soared high into the clouds, across the oceans out to the penguins. Their tongues dangled from their mouths, rejoicing as if they had filtered water for their aquarium. Soared up to the clouds, and there they remained to live. There is plenty of water here, one might say, like in the ocean. The whales jumped off the plane, it exploded from below, killed a dozen dwarfs that drew a map of the evil kingdom for Snow White, and floated there, rejoicing in new adventures. It was rare to see two whales, they kept screaming, ringing, buzzing like a steamboat, and hiding near the sunset, and at dawn, they hung on the clouds and watched the sun rise high up. They somehow even tried to fly to the sun, but fell back into the clouds, bounced off and flopped on their belly. A flock of penguins would pick them up and turn them over so that their eyes would not pop out of their foreheads, but how could it be otherwise. This is what happens when you try to reach places where it is not supposed to reach at all. bounced off and flopped on their belly. A flock of penguins would pick them up and turn them over so that their eyes would not pop out of their foreheads, but how could it be otherwise. This is what happens when you try to reach places where it is not supposed to reach at all. bounced off and flopped on their belly. A flock of penguins would pick them up and turn them over so that their eyes would not pop out of their foreheads, but how could it be otherwise. This is what happens when you try to reach places where it is not supposed to reach at all.

Parrots also flew, only, unlike the whales that tried to soar above all, the parrots liked to build their houses on the ground, especially in the jungle, below the rest. They fought anacondas, twisted their heads, bit off their tongues, and then pretended to be anacondas themselves, inviting newly hatched babies to eat them. The parrot was not loved by everyone because he often was not himself. By themselves, their peculiarity did not help them. To know a special self, a parrot, and by whom it was created, was not enough brains. Therefore, he searched for himself in many other sounds of the worlds and the jungle. Once, flying up to his house, collectors – a gorilla and a buffalo – were waiting for him, because the turtle did not pay the bills for the grass at bungalow number seven, which he took out on credit. Since the only one who was closest, a parrot, of course, a confidant, was obliged to pay the bills. The parrot was not afraid at all, he pretended to be a dog, and the collectors immediately left, apologizing, because they were looking for a turtle, and did not recognize the dog in the parrot. This multi-colored bird beetle was cunning, every now and then deceived even the gods. He shouted that he was Poseidon, and spat with two wings, forming a tsunami for all the beetles under the tree. Of course, while sleeping.

Once, for the umpteenth time, how many more there will be, for the sake of everything ripe, cockatoos and flamingos came to his house, oh, they were handsome, they were so pink, yellow, the peacock would envy, and demanded a place for privacy from the parrot. Just think, love and all things are so birdlike, he gave them a place, in a hollow, in his own house, so elegant, green, trinkets everywhere. Flamingos and cockatoos came in and retired. Give, I think, the parrot says to himself, I’ll watch the show, the first time this has happened in his life, maybe he will learn something. And he sees the following: “Flamingos and cockatoos are sitting and smoking. Yes, not so hot, but a banana, without fire, is swallowed and put out of the mouth. A parrot flew up with a roar of a lion, scared away the birds, they immediately laid an egg, and demanded a share of their fortune. Well, what is this state, they are birds. And they coughed, took out a couple of gold coins, a ring and a necklace, gave it to a parrot. The parrot loves everything colored and glittery. In a word, only they mentioned that the parrot would not tell other animals about their game with the cockatoo. The parrot promised, of course, and five minutes after they left, he blabbed everything. And now everyone wanted to blow bananas. Yes, some, in general, you know, in addition to the backside, they did not have a mouth, but they also wanted to blow. So they blew until all the monkeys became extinct. They ate nothing but a banana, poor macaques really. And there is something that already someone, somewhere and somewhere, ate, well, it’s not here. The monkeys were proud. So they died, and were listed in the black book. Blacker was only the throat, where the bananas with the peel were doomed to disappear. The banana has become a scarcity in the world. Black markets sold fresh, but there was no way to get them. so that the parrot does not tell other animals about their game with the cockatoo. The parrot promised, of course, and five minutes after they left, he blabbed everything. And now everyone wanted to blow bananas. Yes, some, in general, you know, in addition to the backside, they did not have a mouth, but they also wanted to blow. So they blew until all the monkeys became extinct. They ate nothing but a banana, poor macaques really. And there is something that already someone, somewhere and somewhere, ate, well, it’s not here. The monkeys were proud. So they died, and were listed in the black book. Blacker was only the throat, where the bananas with the peel were doomed to disappear. The banana has become a scarcity in the world. Black markets sold fresh, but there was no way to get them. so that the parrot does not tell other animals about their game with the cockatoo. The parrot promised, of course, and five minutes after they left, he blabbed everything. And now everyone wanted to blow bananas. Yes, some, in general, you know, in addition to the backside, they did not have a mouth, but they also wanted to blow. So they blew until all the monkeys became extinct. They ate nothing but a banana, poor macaques really. And there is something that already someone, somewhere and somewhere, ate, well, it’s not here. The monkeys were proud. So they died, and were listed in the black book. Blacker was only the throat, where the bananas with the peel were doomed to disappear. The banana has become a scarcity in the world. Black markets sold fresh, but there was no way to get them. apart from the backside and had no mouth, but they also wanted to blow. So they blew until all the monkeys became extinct. They ate nothing but a banana, poor macaques really. And there is something that already someone, somewhere and somewhere, ate, well, it’s not here. The monkeys were proud. So they died, and were listed in the black book. Blacker was only the throat, where the bananas with the peel were doomed to disappear. Banana has become a scarcity in the world. Black markets sold fresh, but there was no way to get them. apart from the backside and had no mouth, but they also wanted to blow. So they blew until all the monkeys became extinct. They ate nothing but a banana, poor macaques really. And there is something that already someone, somewhere and somewhere, ate, well, it’s not here. The monkeys were proud. So they died, and were listed in the black book. Blacker was only the throat, where the bananas with the peel were doomed to disappear. The banana has become a scarcity in the world. Black markets sold fresh, but there was no way to get them.

Even in those jungles there lived a hippopotamus, only the island of Madagascar was fatter than it. Well, he was and was, what’s wrong with that, isn’t it. And he dived into the swamp, and flew out of the black hole in space, and again flew into the black hole, and, with his mouth open, jumped back through the swamp. He was an astronomer, he studied the stars around the earth. He saw, of course, not very well, because he wore glasses. He stuck them right into his eye like lenses. And who taught him to wear them, no one, he himself learned. Since then, he saw many stars, but his paws were not the same, and so be the case, he got himself lapwings, small birds that recorded the cosmic world according to them. Hippo said:

– Round, white!

Lapwing spelled round white. Put a white dot.

– Black everywhere! – jumping out of the swamp, the beast whispered, and flew away again.

Chibis wrote:

– White, everywhere black around. Round. You are. Dot.

He did so many dots that all the whites were white, all the round ones were round, and they had no names. But then, looking at night, and comparing the stars on the sheet with the stars in the sky, the hippo nodded that the lapwing wrote down correctly to every point.

– White and round.

Crocodiles lived in the desert. They are doctors, after all, they helped any dying person. When patients came to him with a complaint, the crocodile nodded importantly and said that there was always a way out. Swallowed them. And the patients didn’t get sick anymore.

Even real centaurs flew in the sky, a mixture of not a person, but a lion, a giraffe and a rooster. They were very beautiful too. The tail of a lion, the mane of a lion, the neck of a giraffe and the body of a rooster, and the beak. He could fly, of course, so-so, but he crowed beautifully. When he did this, all the animals immediately fell unconscious. It was from fear, or from what else, who knows, after that they did not wake up to find out what a wonderful voice that beast possessed. Therefore, selling earplugs, the jerboa has become a real oligarch of the animal world, and the richest animal in the entire planet. Of course, you should not believe these tales, but that’s the way it is. For them, the world ended where they lived.

At seven o’clock in the afternoon, when the space leeches that fed on thunderstorms crawled out of the sky, the desert was already dry, like the skin of an old grandmother of a rattlesnake. Rattlesnakes spit sand, and their eyes saw pixels. Space leeches loved to hurt, and instead of blood they ate clouds. They fed on lightning and became more dangerous themselves, let’s just say, save our souls, save our asses, monsters that killed whales. Whales are harmless, why do this, so we didn’t understand it either. But the leeches were poisoned later. Pegasi knew their stuff, they burped magic, and since there was no grass in the sky, they ate leeches instead of everything. The more they ate them, the faster and faster they became. Soon, leeches are completely gone, they say, occasionally you can hear how Pegasus neighs, sweeping the farm yard where they breed them, and eat only on especially difficult days. Leeches, they like piranhas, they jump out of their enclosures, pegasuses immediately eat them. Then the brain of them, of space creatures, let’s say, developed by watching their relatives die. They got smarter. One of the leeches, there is such a myth, walks on the head of a mighty Pegasus, eats lightning, and shares them with him. It’s up to you to believe it or not, but sometimes I’m afraid to look at the sky, it’s very dangerous, and I haven’t seen clouds for a long time, and I haven’t seen thunderstorms since the creation of spacecraft. There are only two of them, one for a jaguar, the other for a person. A jaguar is watching on his Netflix from the future, and a man is trying to fly to the moon to leave a trail. Only all the time somewhere the fuel disappears. And this, it turns out, the raccoon drinks all the fuel. Only he became invisible, because he mutated, because the person still could not find him. in space creatures, say, developed by watching their relatives die. They got smarter. One of the leeches, there is such a myth, walks on the head of a mighty Pegasus, eats lightning, and shares them with him. It’s up to you to believe it or not, but sometimes I’m afraid to look at the sky, it’s very dangerous, and I haven’t seen clouds for a long time, and I haven’t seen thunderstorms since the creation of spacecraft. There are only two of them, one for a jaguar, the other for a person. A jaguar is watching on his Netflix from the future, and a man is trying to fly to the moon to leave a trail. Only all the time somewhere the fuel disappears. And this, it turns out, the raccoon drinks all the fuel. Only he became invisible, because he mutated, because the person still could not find him. in space creatures, say, developed by watching their relatives die. They got smarter. One of the leeches, there is such a myth, walks on the head of a mighty Pegasus, eats lightning, and shares them with him. It’s up to you to believe it or not, but sometimes I’m afraid to look at the sky, it’s very dangerous, and I haven’t seen clouds for a long time, and I haven’t seen thunderstorms since the creation of spacecraft. There are only two of them, one for a jaguar, the other for a person. A jaguar is watching on his Netflix from the future, and a man is trying to fly to the moon to leave a trail. Only all the time somewhere the fuel disappears. And this, it turns out, the raccoon drinks all the fuel. Only he became invisible, because he mutated, because the person still could not find him. and share them with him. It’s up to you to believe it or not, but sometimes I’m afraid to look at the sky, it’s very dangerous, and I haven’t seen clouds for a long time, and I haven’t seen thunderstorms since the creation of spacecraft. There are only two of them, one for a jaguar, the other for a person. A jaguar is watching on his Netflix from the future, and a man is trying to fly to the moon to leave a trail. Only all the time somewhere the fuel disappears. And this, it turns out, the raccoon drinks all the fuel. Only he became invisible, because he mutated, because the person still could not find him. and share them with him. It’s up to you to believe it or not, but sometimes I’m afraid to look at the sky, it’s very dangerous, and I haven’t seen clouds for a long time, and I haven’t seen thunderstorms since the creation of spacecraft. There are only two of them, one for a jaguar, the other for a person. A jaguar is watching on his Netflix from the future, and a man is trying to fly to the moon to leave a trail. Only all the time somewhere the fuel disappears. And this, it turns out, the raccoon drinks all the fuel. Only he became invisible, because he mutated, because the person still could not find him. to leave a mark. Only all the time somewhere the fuel disappears. And this, it turns out, the raccoon drinks all the fuel. Only he became invisible, because he mutated, because the person still could not find him. to leave a mark. Only all the time somewhere the fuel disappears. And this, it turns out, the raccoon drinks all the fuel. Only he became invisible, because he mutated, because the person still could not find him.