Kitabı oku: «Английские анекдоты / English Jokes», sayfa 2
“Slower than the speed limit? No sir, I was doing the speed limit exactly twenty-two miles an hour!” the old woman says a bit proudly.
The State Police officer, trying to contain a chuckle, explains to her that “22” was the route number, not the speed limit.
A bit embarrassed, the woman grinned and thanked the officer for pointing out her error.
“But before I let you go, Ma’am, I have to ask… Is everyone in this car OK? These women seem awfully shaken and they haven’t muttered a single peep this whole time,” the officer asks.
“Oh, they’ll be all right in a minute, officer. We just got off Route 142.”
* * *
A small child met his new teacher for the first time.
“Are you good?” asked the teacher.
“I am the sort of boy my mummy tells me not to play with.”
* * *
A rookie police officer was out for his first ride with an experienced partner. A call came in telling them to disperse some people who were loitering.
The officers drove to the street and observed a small crowd standing on a corner. The rookie rolled down his window and said, “Let’s get off the corner,5 people.”
A few glances, but no one moved, so he barked again, “Let’s get off that corner… NOW!”
Surprised, the group of people began to leave, casting puzzled stares in his direction.
Proud of his first official act, the young policeman turned to his partner and asked, “Well, how did I do?”
“Pretty good,” chuckled the vet, “especially since this is a bus stop.”
* * *
A preacher went into his church and he was praying to God.
While he was praying, he asked God, “How long is 10 million years to you?”
He replied, “1 second.”
The next day the preacher asked God, “God, how much is 10 million pounds to you?”
And God replied, “A penny.”
Then finally the next day the preacher asked God, “God, can I have one of your pennies?”
And God replied, “Just wait a second.”
* * *
A father and son went fishing one day. While they were out in the boat, the boy suddenly became curious about the world around him. He asked his father, “How does this boat float?”
The father replied, “Don’t rightly know, son.”
A little later, the boy looked at his father and asked, “How do fish breathe underwater?”
Once again the father replied, “Don’t rightly know, son.”
A little later the boy asked his father, “Why is the sky blue?”
Again, the father replied, “Don’t rightly know, son.”
Finally, the boy asked his father, “Dad, do you mind my asking you all of these questions?”
The father replied, “Of course not, you don’t ask questions, you never learn nothing.”
* * *
Mother (in a low tone): Tommy, your grandfather is very sick. Can’t you say something nice to him to cheer him a bit?
Tommy: Grandfather, wouldn’t you like to have soldiers at your funeral?
* * *
A boy is about to go on his first date, and is nervous about what to talk about. He asks his father for advice.
The father replies, “My son, there are three subjects that always work. These are food, family, and philosophy.”
The boy picks up6 his date and they go to a fountain. They stare at each other for a long time, as the boy’s nervousness builds.7
He remembers his father’s advice, and chooses the first topic.
He asks the girl, “Do you like spinach?”
She says “No,” and the silence returns.
After a few more uncomfortable minutes, the boy thinks of his father’s suggestion and turns to the second item on the list. He asks, “Do you have a brother?” Again, the girl says “No” and there is silence once again.
