Kitabı oku: «The Cowboy's Twin Surprise»
Can this rodeo star handle fatherhood?
Anything can happen with Triple Creek Cowboys
Despite his too-rowdy past, former rodeo star Devin Cole’s stunned when the woman he married after a whirlwind romance shows up pregnant with his twins...demanding a divorce. He convinces barrel rider Lacey Jenkins to give him six months to show he’s changed. But proving he can be a champion husband and father is the hardest—and most important—challenge he’s ever faced.
Award-winning author STEPHANIE DEES lives in small-town Alabama with her pastor husband and two youngest children. A Southern girl through and through, she loves sweet tea, SEC football, corn on the cob and air-conditioning. For further information, please visit her website at stephaniedees.com.
Also By Stephanie Dees
Triple Creek Cowboys
The Cowboy’s Twin Surprise
Family Blessings
The Dad Next Door
A Baby for the Doctor
Their Secret Baby Bond
The Marriage Bargain
Discover more at millsandboon.co.uk.
The Cowboy’s Twin Surprise
Stephanie Dees
www.millsandboon.co.uk
ISBN: 978-1-474-09681-2
THE COWBOY’S TWIN SURPRISE
© 2019 Stephanie Newton
Published in Great Britain 2019
by Mills & Boon, an imprint of HarperCollins Publishers 1 London Bridge Street, London, SE1 9GF
All rights reserved including the right of reproduction in whole or in part in any form. This edition is published by arrangement with Harlequin Books S.A.
This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, locations and incidents are purely fictional and bear no relationship to any real life individuals, living or dead, or to any actual places, business establishments, locations, events or incidents. Any resemblance is entirely coincidental.
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Version: 2020-03-02
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“I’ll sign the divorce papers on one condition, Lacey.”
Devin took a deep breath. “You stay here at the ranch until the babies are born. Afterward, if you still want me to, I’ll sign.”
“Devin, I have a life—a family—in Oklahoma. I have to go home.” Lacey pushed to her feet. “It’s a wild idea.”
“It probably is, but that’s the deal.” Devin forced himself to relax.
“You know I could take you to court anyway.”
“I know, but I’m really hoping you won’t. Give me a chance to show you that I can be a better person. That I can be a man who’ll show up for his family. If you don’t stay, you’ll never know.”
There were twin spots of color high on Lacey’s cheekbones. “I need some time to think about this.”
“You can have all the time you need.”
Devin prayed that once she gave it some thought, she would want to stay. And he would have a second chance...
Dear Reader,
Life is complicated. We make decisions with consequences. Things happen and we’re left to deal with them the best we can. That’s the case with Lacey and Devin. Their situation was their own doing—and they took responsibility—but their actions had their roots in the past, for both of them. The moment Lacey showed up in Red Hill Springs was a touchstone in their life, one of those rare instances when you know that what you choose to do in this moment could change your future forever.
I’ve had defining moments like that. Some of them I didn’t know were turning points until later. Some I knew immediately would change my life. Some I’ve accepted with grace and some I have raged against. I try to remember every single day—because we have no idea when one of those life-changing moments will happen—that no matter what storms come I’m loved by God and His love is not conditional. His opinion is the one that matters. And no matter what I’m walking through, I know He’s there, walking with me.
I know you’ve had to face unexpected challenges in your life. I’ve come to realize (with maturity, ha-ha) that everyone does. No one has a perfect life. But regardless of our circumstances, we can make the best of what we’ve got because we aren’t going it alone.
You have my prayers, always, my friends, and I love hearing from you. You can contact me via my website, www.stephaniedees.com, on Facebook at www.facebook.com/authorstephaniedees and in the reader group at www.facebook.com/groups/LIauthorsandreaders.
With love,
Stephanie
And he said unto me, My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me.
—2 Corinthians 12:9
For Riley. Thanks for always encouraging me to be my best self and for loving me even when I’m not. Being your mom is a privilege.
Acknowledgments
A book is never a solitary endeavor, and so many people helped me along the way with this book. Thanks to Melissa Jeglinski and Melissa Endlich for believing in this story and helping me define it.
Thanks to my critique partner, Sierra Donovan, and best beta reader evah, Janet Sallis. And a special thanks to those people who propped me up when I needed a friend, an ear or an idea bouncer: Sarah Kate Newton, Brenda Minton, Tina Radcliffe. You’re irreplaceable.
Contents
Cover
Back Cover Text
About the Author
Booklist
Title Page
Copyright
Note to Readers
Introduction
Dear Reader
Bible Verse
Dedication
Acknowledgments
Chapter One
Chapter Two
Chapter Three
Chapter Four
Chapter Five
Chapter Six
Chapter Seven
Chapter Eight
Chapter Nine
Chapter Ten
Chapter Eleven
Chapter Twelve
Chapter Thirteen
Chapter Fourteen
Chapter Fifteen
Chapter Sixteen
Chapter Seventeen
Chapter Eighteen
Epilogue
Extract
About the Publisher
Chapter One
Devin Cole let his truck roll to a stop at the end of the lane, just short of the driveway to the family ranch. He slid his Narcotics Anonymous newcomers coin between his fingers and back again. He was measuring his life in days and hours now...moments, maybe. One hour since his last meeting. Six days out of rehab. Thirty-six days clean. Thirty-nine days and seven hours since he’d stopped running from God.
Forty days since he’d messed things up with Lacey—the only friend he’d managed to keep on his not-so-slow slide into recklessness and addiction. It had been a long time since his Sunday school days, but in the Bible, wasn’t it always forty days that people spent in the wilderness?
A warm breeze wafted through the open window, bringing with it the scent of freshly turned dirt and ribs in the smoker. The sound of calves in the field. Springtime in Alabama.
His eyes went from the farmhouse peeking through the trees to linger on the white welcome chip sliding through his fingers. Chances were pretty good he’d gotten a better welcome from NA than he’d get from his brothers.
Unfortunately, his options were limited. As in, he didn’t have any. After he’d shattered his ankle, his days in the rodeo were over. He’d tried to continue, relying more and more on prescriptions and alcohol to fight through the pain. But he’d failed. Failed his corporate sponsors. Failed his friends and family. And most of all failed himself.
He’d spent the past six days and his last thousand bucks driving cross-country, trying to make amends for the wrongs he’d done. And he’d learned apologies went only so far to repair burned bridges.
He put his old truck in gear and drove the rest of the way to the house. Even in the waning daylight, the white two-story clapboard looked a little more worn than it had the last time he’d seen it, the sunny yellow porch swing peeling and faded. No cheery flowers filled the beds that lined the walkway.
The screen door opened and his older brother Tanner stepped out in his dusty boots. Right away, Devin knew from the look in Tanner’s eyes this wasn’t going to be a prodigal son welcome. No warm embraces. No parties thrown on his behalf. He nodded, to himself, mostly. A firm let’s-get-on-with-it nod.
Devin picked up the cane he had to use now that his pain wasn’t dulled by drugs. He slid off the old leather seat, relief flooding his body when his feet touched the ground.
Home.
Tanner’s blue eyes searched Devin’s for signs that he was using, and Devin felt a pang of regret. With a barely suppressed sigh, Tanner pulled the door open wide. “Come on in. I’ve got coffee on.”
Devin followed his brother into the farmhouse, noting the threadbare rug on the floor and the worn leather couch, still the same one from when they were kids. Although they’d never been wealthy, they’d gotten by, but now... It almost seemed that the ranch had aged ten years in the three since he’d seen it.
With a practiced economy of movement, Tanner took two mugs from the cabinet by the sink and filled them with coffee. “What happened to the big fancy truck you were driving last time you were here?”
“Sold it to pay for rehab.”
Tanner’s eyes flicked to his. “And your horse?”
“Left her with Lacey.”
A dark eyebrow quirked. “Another debt?”
“You could say that.” A memory of a brown-eyed girl with laughter in her eyes flashed in his mind. Devin took a swig of the coffee and suppressed the wish for something stronger. Because running from uncomfortable emotions was how he got himself in this mess in the first place, or at least that was what the counselor at rehab told him.
The fatigue of the last six weeks pulled hard at him. He took off his ball cap and scrubbed a hand through hair that could use a good trim. “I’m sorry, Tanner. I don’t even know where to start to say how sorry I am.”
Tanner still didn’t smile. “What do you want, Devin?”
“I want to come home.”
At his brother’s sharply expelled breath, Devin started to panic, just a little. “You sacrificed a lot for me. I know that. And I wasted the opportunities.”
After their parents died, Tanner had finished the job of raising him. He’d scrimped and saved and bought Devin his first cutting horse. He’d been at every event from the first to the time Devin kicked loose of Red Hill Springs and everyone in it.
Tanner crossed his arms. “If you’re wanting me to argue with you about that, you’re gonna be waiting a long time.”
His hat literally in his hands, Devin closed his eyes and sent a wordless prayer toward Heaven before he opened them again and looked Tanner in the eyes. “I’m an addict. I’ll always be an addict, but I don’t have to be a bad person. Please give me a chance to prove I can do better.”
“We’ve been down this road before.”
Devin went still. There was nothing he could say or do to change his brother’s mind. Because Tanner was right. It was a familiar refrain from his teenage years—even before the drugs, Devin had struggled. They had been down this road before where Devin had begged and pleaded and unfailingly messed things up. So he waited and he wondered if there was anyone left who would take him in until he could find a job.
Tanner didn’t tap his foot or jiggle his leg or any of the things normal people did. He simply stared into the black coffee in his cup until he reached a decision. He looked up. “I could use the help around here.”
Devin let out all his anxiety in one pent-up breath.
His brother held up a finger. “But there are ground rules, Dev, and if you break them, there are no second chances.”
In the past, Devin would’ve brushed aside the bit about the rules. Ground rules were for boring people who didn’t have any fun. Now, Devin was clinging to the rules by his fingernails, just to hold on to his sobriety. He asked Tanner quietly, “What do you want me to do?”
“One. You go to meetings every day. Two. You always tell me where you’re going to be. Three. There are no rock stars at Triple Creek Ranch. You pull your own weight.”
It didn’t sound like much but Devin knew from experience that pulling his weight around the ranch was a full-time job. Working the farm was going to be hard with his injury but it wouldn’t be impossible.
He could promise Tanner that he was different, that he’d matured past the kid who’d looked for approval in all the wrong places, but promises didn’t mean much. He wanted more than anything to prove to his brother that he could change. To prove to himself that he could be more than just some rodeo guy who partied a lot and nearly got himself killed. He said quietly, “Thanks, Tanner.”
“Don’t make me regret this, Devin.” The man who’d started raising Devin when he was still practically a boy himself had a world of disappointment in his eyes. He jerked a thumb at the stairs. “You can have your old room.”
Devin nodded. He pushed back from the table and limped onto the porch of the farmhouse. He’d run far and fast away from here when he’d turned eighteen, too big for these parts. Maybe it was fitting that when there was nothing left of him, he ran home. If he was lucky, maybe it was here that he’d find all the pieces of himself he’d lost along the way.
Two months later
Lacey Jenkins checked her GPS one last time as she drove through Red Hill Springs, Alabama. The flower boxes that lined the street were filled with geraniums, and American flags on the lampposts fluttered in the wind. All decked out for the upcoming Memorial Day holiday, the town was adorable, but she wasn’t having it. She’d been stewing for three and a half months now, ever since she’d woken up alone in a hotel room in Vegas, ink barely dry on a quickie marriage certificate proclaiming her married to rodeo superstar Devin Cole.
She should’ve listened to the voice of warning in her head—the one that sounded strangely like her dad, coaching her around the barrels when she was a kid. “Ride from here, Lacey-girl,” he’d say, as he tapped his forehead under the brim of his cowboy hat. “Not from here” as he tapped his heart. “The heart will betray you. The head will lead you.” But she’d been caught up in the adventure of it all. The romance. She and Devin had been friends—best friends—for years, even as he seemed to get more and more reckless. That weekend in Vegas after the rodeo competition ended, he’d seemed more like his old self. Sweeter and more thoughtful than he’d been in a while.
Until he’d disappeared the morning after they’d gotten married. And then, a month later, he’d had the nerve to drop off his horse for her like some kind of consolation prize.
So yeah, if she’d been mad before, now she was boiling. He’d left her and he’d left his horse.
Her GPS calmly announced that she’d arrived at her destination. Nerves fluttered in her stomach, a fact she noted with some irritation. She was a world champion barrel racer. She was supposed to be immune to nerves.
Turning into the drive at the farmhouse, she slowed to look around. She had the right address, but this didn’t look anything like the bustling ranch she’d imagined as Devin had talked about it back when they were still friends. But still, there was a sunny yellow swing on the front porch with a fresh coat of paint and brightly colored zinnias filling the flower beds in front of the house.
She eased her truck to a stop so Reggie wouldn’t be jostled. The big horse had been patient for the duration of the long trip, but he had to be as antsy as she was to get out of the truck after days on the road. She stepped out onto the gravel drive, pressing a hand into her lower back and leaning into a stretch.
It had taken her a full two days to get here, and once she set a few things straight with Devin, she’d be turning right around to go back.
Lacey reached for a file of papers she’d left on the passenger side of the truck, and when she turned back around she was eye level with three sets of well-worn boots. Her gaze skimmed the length of long denim-clad legs and stalled out at the world champion rodeo buckle at the waist of the jeans on the right before continuing upward to meet three identical sets of dark brown eyes.
She gulped. The Cole brothers were unilaterally staring at her, and to be honest, it was a little bit intimidating. But at least she knew she was in the right place.
Lacey flicked a glance at the one standing on the left side of Devin—the oldest brother, Tanner, she thought—and saw his unsmiling eyes travel from her to Devin and back again. Dark hair curled underneath a faded red ball cap. He settled it a little farther on his head and continued to stare at her.
She swallowed hard as her vision grayed around the edges. Wow. She must be more tired than she thought she was.
“Lacey? What are you doing here?” Devin’s words sliced through her exhaustion and, despite girding herself with all that anger, they still had the power to hurt her.
She looked Devin Cole right in the eyes and said, “I want a divorce.”
The color drained from Devin’s face, and she felt a perverse pleasure that she’d managed to shock him.
“Divorce?” The other brother’s head snapped straight. “You’re married?”
Devin remained unnaturally still.
“I’ll just unload Reggie, then.” Tanner shifted away as if the tension strung between Lacey and Devin would snap under the pressure. He clambered down from the porch and lowered the back of the trailer. She could hear his voice as he spoke softly to Devin’s cutting horse, backing him gently down the ramp.
Devin’s gaze never broke with Lacey’s, but he said, “Garrett, feel free to move along anytime.”
The middle brother, with a mop of unruly dark curls and studious-looking glasses, shook his head. “Nope. Uh-uh. Sounds like you need legal representation. I’m not going anywhere.” He grinned. “Plus, I wouldn’t miss this for anything.”
Lacey refused to be the first one to look away. But her head was spinning again, her husband’s handsome, serious face swimming before her eyes. She groped blindly behind her for the side of the truck, her file of papers slipping from her fingers to scatter on the ground.
The last thing she saw before she crumpled was the fear on Devin’s face as he dropped his cane and leaped down the stairs, his strong arms scooping her up just before she hit the ground.
* * *
Devin lifted Lacey into his arms, concern for her blocking out all other thoughts. “Garrett, get a doctor out here.”
“Want me to call an ambulance?”
“No, she’s terrified of hospitals. Just call someone. Please?” Devin carried Lacey up the porch steps. He managed to pull the screen door slightly ajar and kick it open. Her face was pale—too pale—against the dark shine of her hair.
He laid her gently on the wide leather couch, heart thudding in his chest. “Lace? Come on, girl, you gotta wake up. You’re scaring me.”
Just when he thought he’d made peace with the things he’d done when he was using, she showed up with this gem. Married?
He didn’t really question what he’d been thinking, but what had she been thinking marrying him? The last thing Lacey needed was to be married to a washed-up rodeo cowboy with a drug-addiction problem.
Especially one who didn’t even remember their wedding even happened.
Of all the stupid things he’d done that he didn’t remember, destroying his relationship with Lacey was the worst. She was the best thing that ever happened to him and he’d screwed it up, along with the rest of his life.
But marriage? He couldn’t even fathom it.
“Come on, Lacey, wake up. I know you still have a few things to say to me.”
Garrett stepped quietly in the door, his cell phone and a bunch of papers in his hand. “Ash Sheehan is on his way.”
Devin stabbed his fingers into his hair, worry settling into his shoulders like thousand-pound weights. “Isn’t he a kids’ doctor?”
“Yeah. He’s also the only doctor in town. We can take her to the hospital, Dev. It’s probably what Ash is going to tell us to do anyway.”
“I can’t.” Devin dropped on the coffee table in front of the couch, his ruined ankle aching now that the adrenaline had faded. He studied Lacey’s still form on the couch. Color was slowly returning to her face. “She’d kill me.”
“She dropped these when she fainted.” Garrett slid the papers onto the table beside Devin and placed his cane within easy reach. “Tanner’s getting Reggie settled. I’m gonna go make some coffee. I have a feeling we’re going to need it.”
Garrett disappeared into the kitchen, and Devin glanced down at the papers.
There was a legal-looking stack, which he assumed was the divorce papers she wanted him to sign. He picked them up and glanced at the first paragraph before tossing them aside. As he did, another piece of paper fluttered to the ground. He leaned over and picked up the flimsy grainy black-and-white photo.
His skin went clammy.
He knew what this was. It was a still from an ultrasound. And this one had two arrows pointing at two tiny peanut-shaped blobs. He dropped the photo like it was on fire.
Was Lacey pregnant?
Chapter Two
Devin scratched his head, his mind trying to make sense of what he’d just seen. Could Lacey really be expecting? Twins?
He glanced at her stomach, but it didn’t look any different to him from how it always had. Maybe a little rounder. He studied her face. Maybe it was a little fuller? Her long dark hair curled past her shoulders, framing a peaches-and-cream complexion.
She was so beautiful. Always had been.
And in that second he imagined her holding two babies. Their babies. A tsunami of longing washed over him. It was a dream that seemed so far out of reach for someone like him.
He picked the photo up again. Sure enough, her name was written at the top of the image. Lacey Cole. Seeing it in print was a punch to the gut.
Lacey really was pregnant.
Devin scrubbed his hands over his face. He remembered waking up in Vegas and seeing Lacey lying in his bed. Realizing that, with one monumentally horrible decision in a string of really bad decisions, he’d managed to mess up the one thing he still really cared about.
That moment had changed his life.
Her eyes fluttered open and slowly focused. Devin saw the instant she remembered what happened. She tried to sit up, arms flailing, pupils dilating in panic.
He grabbed her shoulders, forcing her to focus on him. “Lacey, you’re at Triple Creek Ranch.”
When she looked confused, he said, “You brought Reggie home and you told me you want a divorce.”
Her voice was a little hoarse and husky when she said, “Well, at least we got that out of the way.”
The corner of his mouth twitched up. The bone-deep fear faded a little bit, but he was left with so many questions and no answers to speak of. “Seems like a pretty good call. I mean, honestly, what were you thinking, marrying someone like me in the first place?”
Hurt flared in her eyes, but she blinked it away. Tension still vibrated in her muscles, but she’d stopped trying to get away from him. “Clearly, I wasn’t thinking at all. Did you call anyone?”
He shook his head, knowing immediately what she wanted to know. “No EMTs. I know the rules. No hospital unless you’re gushing blood from an artery or some other equally dire circumstance.”
Her shoulders relaxed under his fingers and she let out the breath she’d been holding. “Thank you.”
“You’re welcome.” He dropped his hands, clenching his fingers slowly into fists. He wanted to grab the ultrasound photo, shove it in her face and demand she talk to him. Is this yours?
Are they mine?
Instead, he uncoiled his fingers one by one until he felt in control again. “You gave us a scare. Are you feeling okay?”
Well, that was a dumb question. Of course she wasn’t feeling okay. She’d just passed out in his front yard.
He was saved by a knock at the door. He jumped to his feet and nearly fell over as his stupid ankle gave out on him. Lacey didn’t say anything but he could feel her curiosity as he hobbled to the door.
Ash Sheehan entered the room with an old-fashioned black doctor’s satchel. He shook Devin’s hand and crossed immediately to the couch. “I’m Dr. Sheehan. Garrett called me.”
“I’m Lacey...Jenkins.” Her eyes cut to Devin but quickly flitted back to the doctor, who didn’t look anything like the octogenarian Devin had been expecting to see at the door. “Thank you for coming.”
“Most of the time I see patients under the age of eighteen, so you’ll have to be patient with me.” Ash pulled a blood pressure cuff out of his bag and smiled, his blue eyes warming on Lacey’s.
He looked like something out of a fashion ad. Devin wanted to punch him in the face.
Wrapping the cuff around her arm and tucking the stethoscope earpieces into his ears, Ash said, “So Garrett told me on the phone that you fainted a little while ago. Is this the first time something like this has happened?”
Lacey’s gaze drifted to Devin again. He sighed. “I’ll just be in the kitchen.”
He glanced at his cane, leaning on the coffee table. He wanted more than anything to ignore it and stride into the kitchen like a man who wasn’t hanging on to ninety-four days of sobriety minute by minute.
Lacey deserved better. But Devin owed it to her—and himself—not to hide anymore.
* * *
Lacey watched Devin limp into the kitchen, leaning heavily on a cane. She knew he’d shattered his ankle. Everyone knew that. It had happened on live TV. But he hadn’t been using a cane the last time she’d seen him. He’d only been slightly favoring one ankle, if at all.
He’d seemed so shocked when she said she wanted a divorce. And suddenly she’d felt cold and hot and her head was spinning and she’d wondered for the first time if he even remembered they got married.
She wondered the same thing now. He hadn’t seemed high that weekend in Vegas, but once she heard from mutual friends that he’d spent a month in rehab, she’d started to understand just how good he’d become at hiding it.
Well, whether he remembered their wedding or not, he’d left her without a word. That was the part she’d found unbearable. And now? It wasn’t just her own heart she had to protect.
Dr. Sheehan pulled the earpieces of his stethoscope out of his ears and unstrapped her arm from the blood pressure cuff. “So I assume from your reaction earlier that this isn’t the first time you’ve passed out?”
She sighed, her hand creeping to her stomach. “No. It’s happened a couple of other times but it’s been a few weeks. I thought it had passed.”
“Your blood pressure’s pretty low. Any history of that being an issue?”
She glanced at the kitchen and lowered her voice. “Only since I’ve been pregnant. I’m fourteen weeks pregnant with twins.”
“Congratulations.” The handsome doctor smiled. “I have a new baby myself. So, Garrett said you just drove in from Oklahoma? You were obviously sitting a lot on the trip. Did you sleep?”
She looked away. “A little, here and there.”
“Okay.” The doctor coiled his stethoscope around his palm and placed it back in his bag. “Are you having any pain?”
“Mild cramps. My OB in Oklahoma said it was normal, especially with twins.”
Dr. Sheehan nodded. “It can be. Anything else going on? Fever? Any other aches and pains?”
She shook her head.
“I think between the low blood pressure, the demands on your body of early pregnancy and your long trip, you’ve just hit your limit. I also think you should see an obstetrician as soon as possible.”
“When I get home, I promise I’ll see my regular doctor and then I’ll put my feet up for the next six months.”
“Yeah, about that...” He didn’t smile, which was her first inkling that she wasn’t going to like what he had to say. “My medical advice would be not to plan to go anywhere for a while. You’re carrying twins, which makes this a higher-risk pregnancy. If you were my wife or sister, I’d suggest you plan to stay here for at least a month, for your sake and the health of the babies. I’ll refer you to an OB in Mobile and you can get a thorough workup before you try to make that trip cross-country again.”
His face was kind as he shattered her plans, so at least there was that. Her eyes filled with tears anyway. “Thanks, Dr. Sheehan.”
“Please call me Ash. This wasn’t an official visit, just a favor for a friend.” His eyes crinkled as he smiled. “If you decide to stick around for a few weeks, you should meet my wife, Jordan. She doesn’t ride at your level, but horses and kids are kind of her passion.”
“I’d love to.” She swung her feet around to the floor as Dr. Sheehan made his way to the front door, the quick movement making her head swim again. She rested her forehead on her hand.
“I’ll call tomorrow with the name of a doctor. In the meantime, take it easy.”
“I will.”
As the door closed behind the doctor, Devin appeared in the kitchen door with a glass of water. He crossed the room and handed it to her. “All good?”
“Yeah, he said I probably passed out because I was overwhelmed by the sight of the three fine-looking Cole brothers.”
“Ha-ha, you’re hilarious. What did he really say?”
Lacey took a deep breath. She’d wanted to gauge how things were with Devin before she had this conversation with him, but it looked like it wasn’t going to happen on her timetable. “Can we take a walk? I’ve been sitting for days.”
“Sure, if you feel up to it. I’d like to go out and see Reggie anyway.” He held his hand out to her and, after a moment’s hesitation, she slid her fingers into it, trying not to think about the way his skin warmed to hers and how right it seemed to link her hand with his.
He felt strong as he pulled her to her feet, and when she looked into his eyes, she realized how clear they were, how focused and steady. She hadn’t seen him like that in a long time. It made her hopeful, a feeling she didn’t have the luxury of allowing herself, not anymore. “There’s something I want to talk to you about.”
“Me, too.” He opened the door for her, and she walked through it, taking a deep breath of the fresh country air.
Devin put his free hand in the small of her back, and she shifted away from him. They walked in silence for a few seconds as she looked around the property. “It’s really beautiful here with the pastures and the fields. It’s not exactly what I expected, but I like it.”
“Yeah. The place looked pretty run-down when I got home a couple of months ago. Apparently, there have been some cash flow problems. Tanner’s doing everything he can to shift gears and make it profitable again. It’s just taking some time.”
“He didn’t tell you?”
“Maybe, or maybe I just didn’t listen. I’m not sure which. Not sure it matters, really. It’s easy for me to say now that I’d have come if I’d known, but the truth is, I probably wouldn’t have.”
“You should cut yourself a little slack, Devin. You love your brother. You love this ranch. That hasn’t changed.”
“Not as much as I should have. I’m not selling myself short, but I have to be honest with myself. It’s one of the pillars of recovery. Hi, my name’s Devin and I’m an addict.”
Hearing him say it so matter-of-factly was shocking. She’d known that he had the tendency to indulge a little too much and party a little too hard, but she hadn’t realized how bad it had gotten until she’d seen the difference in him today.
He stopped by the fence to the pasture and whistled. Reggie lifted his head from the grass but he didn’t move. Devin leaned his cane on the wood rail, dug a couple of carrot pieces out of his pocket and held them out. Reggie’s nostrils flared and he took a few hesitant steps toward Devin and stalled, giving his owner the side-eye.
Lacey smothered a smile. Devin’s horse seemed almost as mad at him as she was. She clicked her tongue. “C’mere, Reggie.”
The big horse ambled to the fence and nudged Lacey’s hand so she would scratch behind his ears. She obliged, murmuring to him that he was a good boy.
After getting his scratch from Lacey, Reggie gently nuzzled the carrot pieces from Devin’s hand before shoving his nose into Devin’s hair.
Devin laughed, his eyes lighting as he ran a hand down Reggie’s neck. “I missed you, you crazy horse.”
Lacey looked away. She wanted to remember the Devin who left her alone in a hotel room in Vegas. To remember the anger that fueled her as she drove from Oklahoma to Alabama. She couldn’t afford to get distracted.
She came here to get him to sign divorce papers. And that was exactly what she was going to do.
* * *
Devin glanced at Lacey, who was leaning on the fence, her chin on her arms.
“I’m so sorry, Lacey.” The words were out before Devin knew he was going to say them.
Her eyebrows shot to her hairline. “For what, exactly?”
“There are so many things to apologize for, I’m not sure where to start. But I think I should start with not taking responsibility that morning in Vegas. And not having enough guts to apologize face-to-face and depending on my horse to get the job done.”
“Is that what leaving Reggie with me was about? An apology?”
“It seemed like a good idea at the time.” His face went warm and he turned his head away from her too-knowing eyes, focusing on some trees in the distance. The tops were blowing in the late-afternoon breeze, the leaves flipping to reveal the silver underside.
A storm was coming, which seemed a fitting metaphor for the changes raining down on him if Lacey’s babies were his. “I didn’t know what to say to you. That morning, all I could think was that I’d finally done it. I’d done the thing that would finally drive you away, too.”
“You mean, telling me you’d loved me for years and you wanted to marry me, so much that you couldn’t wait another day?” There was an edge of bitterness to her tone, and he didn’t blame her.
Because he felt like a total jerk, he pulled his ninety-day chip from the pocket of his jeans and held it in his fist, so he could remember that who he was now was not who he was then. He was a person who owned up to his responsibility. He was a person who found his strength in a higher power.
He was a person who told the truth, no matter how hard it was. “I was high that whole weekend. I don’t have any memory of getting married. I don’t remember anything about the weekend until I woke up in the bed and you were there.”
Angry tears glittered on the edge of her lashes. “It was all a lie?”
He let out a frustrated sigh. “That morning—I was ashamed, knowing I’d done something so huge and couldn’t remember. I let you down. There’s nothing I can say to make that better.”
When she looked back at him, her dark eyes were inscrutable. “I want a divorce. I mean it, Devin.”
He let the words hang in the air for a minute. They shouldn’t hurt, but somehow that didn’t stop the sting. “I’d do just about anything for you, Lace, but I need some time to think about it.”
“Why?” He could hear the exasperation in her voice as she paced away from him down the fence line. “You said yourself you don’t even remember getting married. You sure don’t remember why.”
Devin had hoped she would tell him about her pregnancy, tell him about the babies, but since she didn’t, he would have to press the point. It was too important not to. “I have two very good reasons to take my time making a decision about it.”
She whirled around. “What do you mean?”
His fist was clenched so tightly around his NA coin, he could feel it slicing into his skin. “I saw the ultrasound photo. I know about the babies.”
“I see.” Anger sparked in Lacey’s eyes. “So, what, you think that gives you the right to dictate what I do?”
He walked closer to her and reached for her hand. She snatched it back. He sighed. “I think we don’t have to figure everything out today.”
She visibly took a deep breath. “I came here to tell you about them. To tell you that I’m prepared to raise them on my own. You made it pretty clear when you disappeared that you weren’t interested in a long-term relationship.”
One of the tenets of recovery was that you didn’t make any huge life changes in the first year. In the space of one afternoon, he’d blown that to smithereens. “Give me a chance, Lace, please?”
Lacey rubbed her forehead. “Look, when I get checked into a hotel, I’ll text you my contact info and maybe we can talk tomorrow.”
“The nearest hotel is forty minutes away.” Devin paused. “But we have plenty of room, if you want to stay. Tanner and I sleep upstairs. You can have the master bedroom downstairs.”
Lacey hesitated, hanging back as Devin started for the house. When he turned back to look for her, she sighed. “Fine. I’ll stay, but just until we get things figured out.”
He grinned and she held up a hand. “To be clear, my staying doesn’t change things. I’m still mad and I still want a divorce.”
At least she was talking to him, so that was something, right? Devin spread his free hand wide. “I hear you.”
He hadn’t let himself think about what it meant yet, that they had babies on the way, and he knew they had a lot of talking to do. But he wasn’t walking away. He’d done that and it hadn’t gone so well.
This time, he was sticking around, no matter what that meant.
Chapter Three
Devin disappeared after he showed Lacey to her room, leaving her to look around the tidy space. She’d stuck to her guns with Devin but she wished she felt steadier, more sure she was doing the right thing.
When she’d been driving out here, she’d been fueled by so much anger that she didn’t have space for questions. Now she’d seen Devin. All the feelings she’d had for him were trying to crowd out the anger, and she couldn’t have that. Anger could be the only thing that was keeping her from falling apart.
She needed to remember he’d left her.
Maybe he’d gone to rehab, but he’d been out for months and hadn’t bothered to get in touch with her. Not even a text.
She didn’t want to think about the fact that he hadn’t been himself, that he’d been freaked out and scared. She didn’t want to think about the friendly room he’d put her in, with the large windows and painstakingly hand-stitched quilt on the bed.
She picked up one of the family photos that lined the dresser, her hand inadvertently going to her stomach. She definitely didn’t want to think about her babies and wonder if one of them would grow into a little boy with a head full of sun-kissed curls.
This situation was such a mess. She’d been so angry—was still so angry—but cutting Devin out of her life wasn’t going to be as simple as a signature on some papers.
She’d known it the moment she’d seen him.
With a big sigh, she opened the door to the hall. It was still early evening but maybe she could make her excuses and just go to bed. She followed the scent of something incredible into the kitchen. She stopped short when she realized that it was Devin’s brother Tanner alone, flipping burgers on the stove.
He looked up, not really with a smile, more just a deepening of the lines around his mouth. “Hi there. You hungry?”
“Yes, actually.” She hadn’t realized it until she’d smelled the food cooking but she was starving. “Really hungry.”
She looked around the room. Like the rest of the house, it had a fresh coat of paint, the cabinets a glossy bright white. A wire basket of multicolored chicken eggs sat in the center of a round oak table.
Tanner slid a burger onto a plate and piled caramelized onions on top of it. “There are some freshly washed greens in the fridge if you want a salad. We’re trying to do better with the vegetables, now that we’re growing them.”
She found the colander of lettuce in the fridge and added some to her plate. “We’re not waiting on the others?”
“Devin will eat when he gets back. Garrett lives in town and he went home.”
Lacey sat down as Tanner slid a glass of tea in front of her.
“It’s decaf, in case you’re wondering.”
“That’s fine, thanks.” As he joined her at the table, she tried to figure out a diplomatic way of asking where Devin was. As the silence stretched, she gave up and went for simplicity. “So, where’s Devin?”
“He’s at a meeting. Sticking to a routine is really important for him right now.”
She put her fork down on the table. “The doctor told me to take it easy for a few weeks before driving back, but if you think my being here is going to jeopardize Devin’s recovery, I can move to a hotel room tomorrow.”
Tanner glanced up from his plate. “You’re welcome to stay as long as you like. You’re family.”
Tears pricked in her eyes, and she blinked them away, horrified. More took their place until she was sniffling and swiping at her eyes. “This is so embarrassing. I’m sorry.”
Tanner wordlessly stood, walked to the counter, picked up a napkin and handed it to her, his eyes kind. “Take a bite of your burger. I bet you’ll feel better after you eat.”
“Thanks.” She sniffed again but took a bite, followed by another and another. And he was right. She did feel a little better. She licked her fingers before she remembered the napkin. “This is so good.”
“Raised right here,” he said, then winced. “It’s been a while since we had mixed company. Probably shouldn’t have mentioned that at the dinner table.”
Lacey let out a genuinely surprised bark of laughter. “I was raised on a ranch, too. Trust me when I say I’m not squeamish. And this is delicious.”
He almost smiled, and she felt an absurd sense of accomplishment. “We’ve made a shift from raising cattle the traditional way to grass-fed beef and free-range chickens. Organic vegetables. Got a ways to go to make a profit.”
He was a man of few words—until you got him going on a topic that interested him. She tucked that away to remember about her new brother-in-law. “You’re trying for a specific clientele.”
He nodded, his mouth full.
Devin had said that Tanner was changing gears. It made sense in a market where farm-to-table was the hottest thing going. “Very smart. I’d love to see the whole operation tomorrow.”
Tanner nodded. “I’ll get Devin to show you around.” He paused again and she realized that it was a habit of his, thinking before he spoke. “He’s trying really hard, Lacey. I had my doubts, but that weekend in Vegas changed everything for Devin.”
Suddenly, she lost her appetite. She put the burger down.
That weekend in Vegas had changed her life, too. Permanently, irrevocably changed her life. She’d tried living in the moment for one crazy, romantic weekend.
And she’d changed her future forever.
* * *
The sun was just coming up the next morning when Devin heard Lacey come into the kitchen. Without looking, he pulled a second mug down from the cabinet and filled it with coffee for her, but when he turned around, he hesitated. “Can you... I mean, is it okay for you to have coffee?”
“Yep, I’m allowed one cup, which is good for everyone’s health and well-being.” She was dressed in jeans and boots and a loose T-shirt, her long dark hair in a ponytail. He tried to get a surreptitious glance at her stomach to see if there was any evidence at all of the babies growing there, but if there was, he couldn’t see it.
She blew on the surface of the coffee and took a small test sip, her eyes closing as she swallowed.
He wasn’t sure what to say to her or how to interact with her while sober and after...all that had happened between them. Which was one of the reasons he’d stayed away. How did you have a normal conversation with someone after... There was a reason that kind of stuff was saved for marriage. Of course, they were actually married, an event that Devin wished with all his heart that he could remember.
Bringing the mug to his lips, he washed down the last of his sausage biscuit. “Tanner’s already out in the field, but he said you wanted a tour of the farm?”
She nodded with just a flicker of a smile, but he was taken back. A flash of a memory, of Lacey smiling up at him, secret laughter in her eyes. Now, at best, those eyes were wary.
“Grab a biscuit. Reggie’s the only horse here now, otherwise, we could ride, but you can see a lot walking.” He finished his coffee and swiveled to put his mug in the dishwasher before picking up his cane.
Lacey looked at the biscuits loaded with sausage and turned a shade of green Devin wasn’t sure he’d seen before.
“Ah... Maybe wait on the biscuit. I’ll make some plain ones tomorrow.”
“You made those?”
“I did. I had to pick up some skills to make myself useful around here. Not much call for washed-up bronc riders.” The words were getting easier, but letting go of the dream was still hard. He’d wanted to rodeo as long as he could remember. “I can make you something else?”
“Coffee’s fine for now. And I’d love to see the farm.” She stepped through the door, coffee in hand.
Devin pulled the front door shut behind them and stepped out into early-morning not-yet-stifling humidity. The birds were singing and he could hear the cows shuffling in the pasture. It was his favorite time of day.
“Are you okay to walk all over the farm?”
He shot her a grin. “Thanks for asking, but yeah, I make do.”
She hesitated. Then asked, “What happened to you, Devin? You were favoring the good ankle, but you were competing. You were walking without a cane.”
He went a few paces without speaking. There wasn’t a simple answer. “It might be easier if I start at the beginning.”
They ambled together down the dirt road toward the back of the property, one of Tanner’s dogs, a Rottweiler-shepherd mix named Sadie keeping pace beside them. “I’m not blaming anyone, okay? Because I take responsibility for all the stuff I did. But, if you want to know how it started, I came off a horse training in Colorado and landed funny on my shoulder.”
She narrowed her eyes. “I vaguely remember that.”
“It wasn’t dislocated, but I think maybe I strained a ligament or something. I went to the medical room to have it checked out and they gave me some painkillers so I could ride that night.”
“For a strained shoulder?” She looked a little dubious.
“Yeah. I’m not saying they did the wrong thing, but the next time I had a little injury, I went back. More painkillers. And before I knew it, I needed pills to get through the day. I started riding broncs, instead of sticking to cutting, which I knew. And every day I got a little more reckless with my safety. Every day, I’d get a little more hurt. And the whole thing was a giant messed-up circle.”
Lacey walked in silence beside him for a few feet until they broke through the trees. In front of them was a field of sunflowers. Their happy yellow faces were turned toward the east, where the sun was just breaking over the trees.
She caught her breath. “Oh, this is gorgeous.”
“We’ll cut these starting tomorrow. We sell them to people who sell flowers at area farmers markets.” He pointed through the trees. “Back that way, in the woods, Tanner’s got some pigs. Not many right now because we’re just learning, but the sausage in our biscuits this morning... Uh, never mind.”
She looked away, but there was a curve to her lips when she looked back. “It sounds like you guys have a plan.”
“Yeah. It’s slow, but as word gets out, a few people are starting to place orders and stuff.”
They walked another trail and came out on the far side of the pond. It was visible from the house but just a hint of a gleam in the distance. Years ago, his mother had put two Adirondack chairs in a clearing under a big oak tree. He’d painted them a bright cheerful yellow to match the swing on the front porch the first week he’d been home.
“Want to sit for a few minutes?” When Lacey nodded, he dropped into one of the chairs, stretching his leg out in front of him, resting his hand on the head of the dog, who settled beside him.
Lacey sat quietly in the chair next to him. He pointed up in the tree. “See that scraggly end of a rope tied around that branch up there? Garrett and I used to swing out over the pond and drop. Tanner, too, but he was older. My mom would sit here. She’d always squeal when the cold water splashed her.”
A smile tugged at his lips. Thoughts of his mom were always a little bittersweet. Even all these years later he missed her.
“I bet you found lots of ways to make the water splash her.”
Lacey’s voice broke into his thoughts and he glanced at her, forcing the easy smile. “How’d you guess? Garrett would never splash Mom on purpose. He was always the people pleaser. Middle-child thing, maybe.”
“And you were the baby, the boundary pusher.”
Black sheep. That’s how he always thought of himself. The troublemaker of the family, the one who didn’t quite fit. “Yeah, not much has changed, I guess.”
“I knew you were partying and I knew you were taking crazy risks, but I didn’t know why. Devin, why didn’t you ask someone for help? Why didn’t you ask me?”
He’d wondered when she would circle back to that. He looked out over the pond, sparkling in the morning light, and let the peace seep into him. God knew he needed it. “I didn’t want you to know how bad things had gotten. I didn’t want anyone to know, but especially you.”
He blew out a frustrated breath, lifting one shoulder and letting it drop. “You can see how well that turned out. But I also didn’t want to quit competing, and the drugs dulled the pain.”
When he glanced back at her, her brown eyes were wide and serious. “So that’s why you use a cane now. Because you’re in pain all the time and now there are no drugs?”
“I kept riding broncs with an ankle that was held together with pins and screws and luck. So yeah, that’s why I need a cane.” He stood and helped Lacey to her feet, holding her hand just a second too long, wishing for something he couldn’t even name. “Come on, we’ve got more to see.”
He led her down the trail that wound around the pond and to the backside of the cow pasture. The cows followed them along the fence, pets as much as they were product. But that was kind of the point, according to Tanner. A low-stress environment was good for the animals.
She walked slowly beside him, matching her pace to his. “Cows are peaceful, I think, especially when they’re just grazing in a field.”
“I think so, too. I like hearing them.” He glanced over at her, hardly believing that she was here beside him when he’d thought he might never see her again.
He opened the gate to the backyard. “I’ll get in trouble if I don’t do my chores, so I’m going to check the nesting boxes for eggs. You can wait on the porch or I’ll meet you inside if you’re ready for something to eat.”
“Oh, that sounds like a good plan. I’ll see you inside.”
Devin opened the back of the chicken coop and removed over a dozen eggs, but his mind was in the house, where Lacey was waiting. They’d talked about a lot of things this morning, but the one topic they’d studiously avoided was what happened next.
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