Kitabı oku: «The Bridegroom's Bargain», sayfa 4

‘Here, let me do that!’

He took out an immaculate handkerchief and, taking her chin in his hand, wiped her cheek. He finished, but the hand stayed under her chin, and he gazed at her intently. ‘And what about me, Alexandra?’ he asked softly. ‘Do you need me?’

She couldn’t stop herself. Looking at him with her heart in her eyes, she said simply, ‘More than my life.’

He drew a sharp breath. His lips barely moving, he said softly, ‘Do you remember asking me once if I wanted to kiss you, here at this stile?’

‘You said you didn’t.’

‘I lied to you. I wanted to all right, but you were too young. I had to wait. And then I kissed you at Vauxhall, and you were so angry… The kiss was everything I had dreamed of, but the waiting afterwards was even harder. Alexandra, if you knew how much that first time here by the stile has haunted me, how I have tried to forget it… But I never have. And now… If you were to ask me again if I wish to kiss you, I’ll tell you the truth this time.’ He put an arm round her, and lifted her chin. Gazing deep into her eyes, he said softly, ‘Ask me again, Alexandra.’

‘Do you…do you want to kiss me, Richard?’

He smiled and then began to kiss her, at first gently, as if she were something infinitely precious, then, feeling her response, he cupped her face in his hands and kissed her eyes, her chin, her throat, seeking and finding the pulse beating wildly there. Then he took her into his arms and the kisses became more demanding. He seemed to envelop her, holding her so closely that she thought she could feel every bone and muscle of his body. Lexi’s own bones were melting with delight. She felt no shame. This was where she wanted to be, this was what she had waited for all her life, or so it seemed. She was impatient to be absorbed by him, become part of him, she was nothing without him…

After a moment he took a deep breath and held her away. ‘I…I think that’s enough for the moment,’ he said somewhat unsteadily. ‘Dear God, Alexandra, you have such power over me. No one else can make me forget the world and everything else in it as you do.’

‘Richard?’ she whispered, unaware of the pleading note in her voice.

‘We mustn’t go any further,’ he said, roughly. He gave an incredulous laugh. ‘You are…totally desirable. But we mustn’t go any further. You know that, don’t you?’

When she looked away from him without saying anything, he gave her a little shake. ‘Don’t you, Alexandra?’

She nodded. Then, taking her hands in his, he kissed her gently and said, ‘We only have to wait a little longer, my lovely one. My lovely, and…very dear Alexandra. Wait till after this business with the French is over. Then at long last it will be time to talk about our future…’

Chapter Four

I n her bedroom at Channings, trapped, it seemed, in the marriage she had so longed for, Lexi turned her head frantically to and fro on the pillow. Why couldn’t she forget? Those words of Richard’s haunted her. They had been so tender, so full of promise. ‘My lovely, and very dear Alexandra, my lovely and very dear Alexandra, my lovely Alexandra…Alexandra…’ No one else called her Alexandra. Richard always gave it a special sound… Why couldn’t she forget?

Lexi groaned and turned over. A deep sob escaped her. Murdie was there. She got up and held a glass to her lips. It tasted bitter, and in a few minutes she felt herself falling thankfully into oblivion again…

The next day Murdie was sitting by the bed when Richard returned to his wife’s bedside. ‘I thought my aunt would be here,’ he said. ‘Where is she?’

‘Her ladyship went to her own room, my lord. Lady Deverell was asleep, so she decided to have a rest herself.’

‘I see. Well, you may go, too, Murdie. I’ve come to sit with my wife.’ When Murdie hesitated he added firmly, ‘I’m sure your mistress has need of your services.’

Murdie looked at him, her face carefully indifferent, then curtsied and left the room.

Richard cast a glance at the sleeping figure on the bed, then fetched the wing chair over from the window and sat down to wait. He was weary beyond measure. His careful plans had gone wildly astray, but if he was to save something from the wreck it was time to talk to Alexandra. She still didn’t want him to. Even the damned maidservant knew that. But he had Dr Loudon’s assurance that she was strong enough, strong enough even to get up, and he had decided not to wait any longer.

He still had no idea what they would say to one another…

So far, at least, there had been no hint of scandal. Only the five who had been there in the vestry knew of the sensational sequel to the wedding ceremony, and since then Alexandra had had no visitors. But if the situation continued as it was for much longer, the gossip would soon start. Some way of living together had to be found, if only for the next six months…

Richard put his head in his hands. After the tumult of the last few years, after so many barriers to his happiness, the prospect of settling down at last at Channings with Alexandra Rawdon had seemed…very attractive. He smiled warily. Attractive? Why couldn’t he admit his real feelings, just for once, just to himself? He had longed for it passionately. He had known he was taking a risk in marrying her so hastily, so soon after the shock of her father’s death, but it had seemed the only thing to do. That death had changed what had been a difficult situation into a nightmare…

Richard got up and walked restlessly about the room. He had other reasons for marrying Alexandra, but his betrothal and marriage to Sir Jeremy’s heiress had given him access to the papers connected with the Rawdon estates. He had sorted out the worst of the problems before the wedding and hoped that with time he could deal with the rest, too, discreetly, before anyone else found out what the late owner of Rawdon Hall had done…

He glanced at the bed. Alexandra was still asleep. That had been the other, more important reason, of course. He had been desperate to take care of her. She had been left so alone in the world, without a home… Mark Rawdon was a pleasant enough fellow, but he was still something of a stranger. Alexandra could not have carried on living at Rawdon after her father’s death. No, an early marriage had been necessary. But, in thinking it would solve his problems, he had been disastrously over-optimistic…

He looked again at the figure on the bed. What had caused Alexandra’s sudden change of heart? Why had she turned against him? There had been no sign of it when he had asked her to marry him, and that had been a bare five weeks ago. She had changed some time shortly before the wedding. When he had tried to find out what was wrong her answers had been evasive and she had afterwards avoided him. Aunt Honoria had talked of pre-wedding nerves, and he had accepted that as the probable explanation. Not in his worst nightmares had he imagined she was planning anything like the scene in the vestry.

Would she have gone through with it and shot him if he hadn’t intervened? He must have thought so then, or he wouldn’t have thought it necessary to buy time with that lunatic promise. Six months to prove her accusations wrong. How the devil was he to do it? Telling her the truth would make nonsense of all his efforts of the past few months. But one way or another he must find a way of satisfying her. One thing was quite obvious. Someone, somewhere, wanted to make mischief for the Rawdon family, and the sooner he found out who it was the better it would be for everyone, Alexandra, Mark Rawdon and himself.

Damn the troublemaking villain, whoever he was. Who had told Alexandra about that card game between Richard and her father? She was far from stupid. She wouldn’t let it rest there. When she was herself again she was certain to ask why her father had risked everything on the turn of a card. And what the devil would he tell her? Jeremy and Johnny Rawdon were now both dead, but what would it do to her to learn why her father had been so ready to risk disaster and disgrace?

Richard shook his head. His plans may have gone badly wrong, but he had at least succeeded in protecting her father’s reputation. No one now need ever know that Sir Jeremy Rawdon, a former magistrate and a pillar of society, had broken the law. It had taken a great deal of his skill and time between Sir Jeremy’s death and his own marriage to Alexandra to straighten it all out, but he had succeeded. Ironically, she now apparently held his efforts against him.

It was even more ironic that she had accused him of meddling with the evidence of Johnny’s death. In that instance she was perfectly right, of course… He had.

The figure on the bed sighed and stirred. Richard moved over to the bedside and sat down.

‘Could I have a drink of water?’ she said in a cracked voice. ‘Dr Loudon’s draughts always leave my mouth feeling so dry!’

Richard got up and poured a glass of water. He put his arm round her shoulders and held her upright. ‘Here,’ he said, holding it to her lips. ‘Drink.’

Lexi’s eyes flew wide open and an expression of horror appeared on her face. ‘You!’ she said with loathing. She struck the glass away with such force that water splashed down her nightgown and over the bedclothes.

‘You stupid child, Alexandra!’ said Richard irritably, as he picked up the glass and put it on the table. ‘What do you think you’re doing? I’m not an ogre!’

‘I don’t want anything to do with you! Fetch the maid! Fetch Murdie!’

‘I’ll fetch no one. I want to talk to you.’

She made a move to get up, but he pushed her back against the pillows and held her there, firmly. His face just inches away from hers, he said softly, ‘You might as well listen, my dear. I’ve waited long enough. You’re not leaving this room before we’ve had our talk, even if I have to use force to keep you here.’

‘You can’t do that!’

‘Oh, yes, I can. We are man and wife, Alexandra. Had you forgotten? Short of murder, I can do anything with you. Anything at all. Do you understand? No one would dream of interfering with what I do here in your bedroom.’

Lexi slid down in the bed, her eyes dark with fear. ‘Lady Honoria—’ she began, with a quaver in her voice.

‘Aunt Honoria won’t help you. She’s more likely to recommend a whipping if you’re strong enough.’

Lexi’s eyes grew larger and darker.

‘But you needn’t worry,’ Richard said. ‘I won’t listen to her.’

She swallowed and drew the sheet up higher. ‘Then…then what are you going to do?’

He pushed himself up and away, and stood regarding her for a moment. He said with a touch of bitterness, ‘You surely don’t really believe I’m about to join you in that bed and make love to you, do you?’

‘You…you said we were man and w…wife,’ she said nervously.

‘My dear girl, I don’t regard myself as particularly squeamish, but it would take a stronger stomach than mine to make love to a wife who has just threatened to kill me. What do you think I’m made of?’

Lexi gazed at him sombrely. ‘I don’t know,’ she said eventually. ‘I thought I did, but I was mistaken. For a while I longed for you to make love to me, I couldn’t imagine anything I wanted more, but now I think I would kill myself if you even tried.’

Richard moved away abruptly and went to the window, where he stood, staring out. There was a short silence.

Then Lexi said, ‘If it’s not that, what do you want, Deverell?’

He turned round. ‘We have an agreement. Are you prepared to discuss it with me?’

‘It appears I have no choice.’

He nodded, then turned to the chest of drawers next to him. After a moment’s search he came back with a fresh linen nightgown in his hands, which he put on the bed in front of her. ‘Put this on before we start,’ he said. ‘You must be uncomfortable in that wet nightgown.’

‘No!’

‘Are you not yet strong enough to change your own nightgown?’

‘Of course I’m strong enough! But I’m not going to undress while you’re here!’

‘Shall I remind you? I’m your husband. I have every right to be here. I could take every stitch off you if I chose, and no one could object. Do you wish me to do it?’ His voice was perfectly even. ‘No!’

‘Then do as I say. Oh, if it makes you easier I’ll look out of the window. But I’m not leaving this room, Alexandra.’

She sat up and hastily changed her gown, then lay down again, pulling the sheets up almost over her face. He turned and gave a grim nod when he saw her. ‘I think you’re quite strong enough to sit up. In fact, tomorrow you will get up and start your new life.’

Lexi stiffened. ‘And what is that to be, pray?’

‘That is what I want to discuss, my dear. Sit up like a good girl. If I give you another glass of water, will you throw it at me?’

‘No, I’d like one, please,’ she said sullenly, sitting up. ‘I’m thirsty.’

When she had drunk he took the glass again and sat down in the wing chair. ‘So far, so good,’ he said. ‘Now! We have to decide how we are to manage for the next six months, but I should like to sort one or two things out first.’ He paused and eyed her curiously. ‘Tell me when you first decided that you wanted to kill me. I don’t think you had it in mind when you accepted my offer of marriage.’

‘No,’ she said in a low voice. They were both silent for a moment as they remembered her relief and happiness when he had asked her to marry him. There had been no doubts then. When he had insisted that the wedding should take place as soon as possible she had made no objection. Marriage to Richard had seemed then to be a safe haven in a time of distress.

‘So…when did you…change your mind about me?’

‘Very soon after. I heard two of the servants gossiping, and, though I know I shouldn’t have, I listened.’ She stopped. ‘I almost wish now that I hadn’t… They had seen you and Papa playing cards the evening before he died. Papa had been very angry, they said. He had accused you of ruining him and all his family.’ She turned and looked straight into his eyes. ‘And you haven’t tried to deny it, have you, Deverell?’ she said bitterly. ‘You killed Johnny, and I suppose you might say that you killed my father, too. You took Rawdon from him, and he died the next day.’

‘If you knew how much I regretted that whole business!’ Richard’s voice was constricted. ‘I don’t often make such disastrous mistakes. I wanted to help, I assure you.’

‘Help? How “help”? By taking away everything my father lived for? By leaving him with nothing? You knew how much he loved Rawdon, how proud he was of his name, his inheritance! You knew how much he suffered when Johnny died. You even helped him to trace Mark Rawdon, so that he could invite his heir to live with us, to get to know and love Rawdon as much as he did! And what was left of Rawdon after you had done your worst? What was there to leave to Mark? The house, and a small farm, that was all! How could Rawdon possibly survive on that? My father died of a broken heart! And you are to blame!’

By this time tears were running down Lexi’s cheeks as she stammered out her accusations at him. Richard got out of the chair and held up his hand.

‘Don’t! Don’t, please! You’ll make yourself ill again, and I—’ He stopped for a moment. ‘I don’t like to see you in such a state. We’ll continue this talk another time.’

‘No! We’ll finish it now! I accepted your offer in good faith, Deverell. I wanted to marry you because I thought I loved you. But after I heard about that game I wanted never to see you again.’

‘Why didn’t you ask me about it? I thought you trusted me.’

‘I wanted to. I tried to. But after that day you were never there! You were always closeted with the agents, the lawyers and all the others. I could never get near you!’

‘That’s not good enough, Alexandra. I had a lot of business to get through, which had to be finished before our marriage. But I would have made time for you if you had asked me. Why didn’t you try harder to see me?’

‘Because I thought of something better.’

‘I can guess what it was. You decided not to break our engagement but to marry me after all, and ask for Rawdon as a wedding present. Was that it?’

‘Yes. It was the only way to save Rawdon. I would get you to give the lands back to Mark, and…and my father’s ghost would be happy.’

‘And what about you in all this? Did you see yourself as a martyr to the cause?’ he asked with a touch of bitterness. ‘Was a lifetime in my contaminating presence a price you were prepared to pay?’

‘I…I…Yes! Yes, I was.’

‘And at what point did you decide that you couldn’t face it after all? That killing me was a better solution?’

‘No, no, you’re wrong! It wasn’t my plan to kill you at all at first. I would have lived with you and been as good a wife as I could—’

He got up again. ‘How very noble of you!’ he said sardonically. ‘Did it never occur to you that I might not want such a wife? Did it never cross your mind that I might, just might, have given what I had won back to you, out of friendship, without any strings at all? Did you never ask yourself why I had done such a terrible thing to your father, a man I had looked up to all my life? A friend of mine! Of course not! You never were strong on logic, were you?’

‘What do you mean?’ she demanded. He turned away and went back to the window. Lexi waited, then got out of bed, flung on her wrapper and came over to join him. ‘What do you mean, Deverell? I don’t believe you would have given it all back as easily as that! Why would you do that? Explain what you meant!’

When Richard turned his expression was not encouraging. Lexi stood and faced him. Her mane of hair had escaped from its ribbons and lay in wild disorder over her shoulders and down her back in a stream of copper curls. Below the nightgown and wrapper could be seen slender ankles and bare feet. But there was no sign of self-consciousness or fear as she demanded yet again, ‘What did you mean?’

He looked down. ‘Of course I never intended to keep what I had won! If your father had lived, I would have returned it all, once he had recovered his senses. But he…he was not himself. He had done something…foolish, something that would have damaged his reputation. I decided—on an impulse, I admit—to do what I could to put it right, or at least to cover it up, but he died before I could tell him what I intended to do.’

‘What had he done?’

‘You needn’t concern yourself. It’s all been taken care of since. That’s why I was so busy before our wedding.’

‘Tell me what it was! I demand to know!’

‘I’m sorry. I can’t tell you.’

Her eyes narrowed. ‘It must have something to do with money,’ she said reflectively. ‘I know he had been borrowing a lot, and I didn’t understand why he had to—Rawdon has always been so wealthy. But borrowing doesn’t damage reputations…’ She wandered back to the bed and sat down on the edge. She looked up. ‘It wasn’t the entailed land, was it?’ When he made no reply she exclaimed, ‘Oh, it can’t have been! My father would never borrow against entailed land! It’s not only dishonourable, it’s against the law!’

‘Alexandra, either get back into bed or ring for the maid and get dressed. It is not…sensible to wander about in your nightwear. And your hair—’ Richard stopped. ‘Your hair is very untidy.’

His sudden criticism distracted her as he had known it would. She looked at him with a touch of her old spirit. ‘But we’re man and wife, Deverell. Surely you cannot object to my being déshabillée in my own room?’

‘On the contrary, my dear,’ Richard said softly, coming closer. ‘I find it very…appealing.’

Lexi hastily got back into bed and pulled the bedclothes around her. ‘No, you don’t,’ she said defiantly. ‘You haven’t the stomach for me, remember?’

He gazed at her for a moment, then said, ‘I think you must be feeling better. I’ll send your maid to you. Tell her you wish to go downstairs for dinner. It would do you good to get out of this room for a while this evening. I’ll call for you, and we’ll go down together.’

On his way to the door he said, ‘Aunt Honoria will be there this evening, so we’ll postpone any further talk till tomorrow. Tonight we’ll practise a little social behaviour, instead.’

‘Aren’t you afraid I’ll make another scene?’

He stood at the door. ‘I am quite sure you won’t. I have your promise, remember?’

‘There was nothing in that agreement about my behaving as your wife in company!’

‘I was talking of the one you made in the church, Alexandra. The marriage service. Part of what we promised each other—till death us do part—was mutual society, help and comfort. I don’t ask for any of the rest you promised me then, not for the moment, at least. So, can’t you meet me halfway? You’re not a girl who breaks promises willingly, and here is one that is easy enough to keep.’

‘Why do you want me to keep you company? I would have thought you’d be happy to leave me to myself.’

He paused. After a moment he said, ‘We don’t wish to stir up gossip, especially as there are still so many unanswered questions between us. Let’s put a brave face on our marriage in public, pretend it was for the right reasons. It may only be for six months. Can you do it?’

She looked at him, her eyes dark with unhappiness. ‘I’ll try,’ she said. ‘But don’t attempt to tell me it will be easy. And if what you say is true, then I intend to find out what it was my father did, Deverell. Don’t think you can put me off a second time!’

After Richard had gone she lay down again. For a moment she had forgotten his perfidy. He could be very persuasive when he exerted himself, and she…she was still so vulnerable, in spite of what she knew… She wondered if he had been speaking the truth about the card game. Richard’s phenomenal success at all card games was a family joke. Her father must have been desperate indeed to risk playing with him for such high stakes. But why had Richard suggested it? It had seemed so out of character at the time that, as soon as she had heard of it, she had looked for Richard, to demand an explanation. But he was out for the day, talking to the lawyers.

Her maid came in at that moment and her chatter put an end to the debate in her mind. She needed quiet, solitude before she could think any more. After an hour of preparation Lexi was bathed and scented with lavender water, and her mass of hair had been brushed into a knot of silken copper on the top of her head, with a graceful cluster of curls falling down to touch the nape of her neck. A pale lilac gown, delicately embroidered in silver, a silver gauze shawl and silver slippers completed her toilette. She was nearly ready when Richard returned carrying a velvet case.

‘I’d like you to wear these,’ he said, opening the case and taking out a string of pearls. Lexi looked at them—the string was long, and the pearls perfectly matched. ‘Another wedding present,’ he said with a wry smile. ‘There are earrings as well. They belonged to my mother.’

‘I…I can’t wear these,’ said Lexi in a low voice.

‘You can and will wear them, Alexandra.’ Richard’s tone of voice was pleasant, but there was an undercurrent of steel. He dismissed the maid with a nod, then sat Lexi down in front of the dressing table and stood behind her, looking at her reflection in the mirror. She gazed back defiantly.

‘Put them on,’ he said, unmoved. ‘I’ll fasten them for you.’

After a moment her eyes fell and with a slight shrug she wound the pearls twice round her neck. Richard took the ends, moved her hair to one side and fastened the clasp. The touch of his fingers on the back of her neck sent a shiver down her spine. He sensed it and looked up. Their eyes met. For a moment she saw the face of a stranger in the mirror, a man of feeling, of passion, even. A man suffering deep hurt. Then the moment passed and he was Richard again, calm, impassive Richard. He handed her the earrings.

‘I think you can do these better than I. Or shall I fetch the maid back?’

‘N…no. I can manage,’ said Lexi, making an effort to speak normally. It took several attempts before her trembling fingers could manage to hook the earrings in. When she had finished she stood up and turned to face him.

‘You look beautiful,’ he said. ‘Are you ready to play your part?’