Kitabı oku: «There is always the sun behind the clouds. Living happily», sayfa 2

Chapter two
Listen to your heart!

It is only the heart that is wise and can see rightly.

What is essential is invisible to the eye.

(Antoine de Saint-Exupery)

Unlike men, women by their very nature tend to listen to their heart rather than to the voice of common sense and practical wisdom. And most of the time they behave and live accordingly.

Naturally, there is no rule without exception.

Only these exceptions, by their very existence, simply prove the general rule.

An episode from my life

Last time we were moving to a new flat we threw out or gave away to relatives and friends practically all our old furniture.

As a result, the first few days until we bought the new furniture, our living room was almost empty and if we wanted to watch TV, we had to sit on the carpet on the floor.

Once at the weekend my husband and I set out shopping to buy a new settee for our living room.

However, on the way we happened to stop by at a picture gallery to see the exhibition of modern Russian artists. And I fell head over heels in love with one of the pictures there. It was love at first sight that struck me like a thunderbolt.

The painting was so cheerful and full of optimism! So filled with light and air that I had the impression I could feel the light wind touching the flower petals in the picture on my own cheeks. It really caught my fancy. And without thinking twice, I bought it there and then, spending all the money that was intended for the purchase of the settee.

I brought it home, put it on the bare wall of our living room and was beyond myself with joy.

The prospect of living without a sofa for a few more days or even weeks did not in the least frighten, upset or bother me. I had my picture! And that was all that mattered! What else did I need?

When I felt low or was in a bad mood, when I came home tired at the end of the long day,

I stood near the window or sat down on the floor and for some time contemplated my favourite still-life on the opposite wall. After a few minutes my mood changed for the better and I regained my peace of mind. My heart grew light and I felt happy again.

Some of my friends and relatives couldn’t understand, to say nothing of approve of such light-minded behaviour on my part. But I never ever, not for one second, regretted that.

Eventually, we bought a nice cosy settee for our living-room.

But neither its purchase nor its presence in my flat could give me as much pleasure or satisfaction as my lovely picture.

Perhaps, from a man’s point of view it looked like a very irresponsible and childish thing to do. But it made me feel so wonderful!

It gave me so much positive energy!

By the way, this picture is still hanging in my flat and still has a very positive, psychotherapeutic, bordering on magic, effect on me.

An effect that no settee in the world, no matter how stylish or expensive it might be, could ever give me.

And I can hardly imagine how I could live without those wonderful flowers before.

This episode is just one example to show that women’s emotions and feelings – our spiritual life – often runs away with us and easily takes the upper hand in the fight with reason and practical considerations.

Personally I don’t think there is anything wrong with that.

In fact, I believe that quite often it does us, women, a lot of good to listen to the wisdom of our heart rather than to the cold reason of our mind.

In the vast majority of cases women have better intuition than men.

We certainly have what is usually referred to as the elusive “sixth sense”.

The only problem is that some of us have lost the habit of listening to our heart, and what’s even worse – the habit of following its wise advice.

Try to remember how many times you heard that quiet voice inside you that told you to do something or warned you against doing something, but you didn’t listen, ignored this hardly-audible voice. And acted in accordance with reason, with the so-called common sense, as prompted by your ego.

Afterwards, post factum, we often realize our mistake, we understand that we shouldn’t have ignored the clue given to us.

But most of the time it is too late to change anything.

What is done cannot be undone.

And you can’t turn the clock backwards.

If you have lost the habit of listening to your heart, try to learn to do it again.

We are born with this natural gift.

It is a talent that we shouldn’t bury, otherwise we may lose it.

But don’t despair!

Fortunately, you cannot lose this ability altogether.

Like you can’t lose the skill of swimming or skating.

If you once knew how to do it you will never forget it.

All you have to do is plunge into the water or put on your skates and go on the ice.

And then the old skills that seem to have been irrevocably lost, will inevitably come back.

Listen yo your heart.

Remember its quiet voice.

Open the eyes and ears of your soul.

Grope for the lost link with your heart and your Guardian Angel and through him – with the spark of God inside you.

When you do that, a lot in your life will get back to normal or change for the better.

Well, this brings us to…

The second commandment of a happy woman:

Listen to your heart and do what it tells you!

Chapter three
There is always the sun behind the clouds!

Whatever happens is for the better.

(Russian proverb)

One of the most important commandments of a happy person (and it’s one of those cases where women are not an exception and resemble men) is:

• ability to be an optimist and to think positive,

• willingness and readiness to look on the bright side and to see the good even in what at first glance seems to be hopelessly bad.

We all have, at least once in our life, found ourselves in the situation when everything seemed to be going wrong, when life seemed to have lost all sense and meaning.

Never ever, under any circumstances, whatever happens, allow yourself the thought that life is meaningless and not worth living.

Every time you are inclined to think that way, when you are on the verge of despair, remember one important thing:

This is only a temporary and transitory state of affairs.

Very soon you will understand that no matter what has happened to you, life is going on.

You have just turned over one page or chapter of your life story and have opened a new one.

Like a child grows out of its shoes and clothes, we, too, grow out of life situations and relationships.

There is nothing bad or terrible about it.

It’s just as natural as breathing.

It’s simply a new stage of your personal development and growth.

When one door is closed, another is sure to open and give you a glimpse of new opportunities and new horizons.

An episode from my life

When I was in my third year at the University, I fell head over heels in love.

Our love affair developed at a sky-rocketing speed. I was even introduced to his parents.

But alas, it didn’t last long.

When we had a serious quarrel and parted,

I locked myself in my room and cried for several days on end.

I refused to eat and drink.

I seriously thought that my life was over, that I would never fall in love with anybody else, that I would never be happy again.

Nothing could distract me from my sad thoughts and cheer me up.

Nobody could comfort me, no matter how hard they tried.

Once at the University when I was still getting over our separation and instead of going to the next lecture was crying my heart out on the stairs, one of my professors, a woman, came up to me and said: “If you are crying because of a boy, stop it immediately. There is only one thing that’s worth shedding your tears over: it is the death or an incurable desease of somebody who is very dear to you. The rest are trifles that are not worth getting upset about, to say nothing of crying over”.

At that point I found it hard to take her word for it and even more difficult to follow her advice.

It was only later that I fully realized the truth and wisdom of her words.

It is a well-known fact that time is the best doctor.

It cures all wounds, including those of the soul.

Some time passed and I understood: “Life goes on and this old world will keep on turning”, despite everything.

Some more time passed and it dawned on me that I was very lucky indeed that we had parted then. As it turned out later, what my lover was really after was my Moscow registration. In those days marrying a Muscovite was the easiest and most pleasant way of staying in the capital and getting a good job after graduation from the University.

I learnt, among other things, that he had dated other girls as well, kept them in reserve, so to speak. Just to be on the safe side. He must have had a very pragmatic turn of mind and thought: If it doesn’t work out with one girl, it may work out with somebody else.

Eventually he got what he wanted and married a Muskovite.

Thank God, it was not me and our affair didn’t go much further than it actually had.

Now I’m fully convinced that whatever happens is always for the better.

But the problem is: this revelation often comes a little too late, only upon second thoughts.

And until this wise thought finally dawns upon us, we are torturing ourselves, like Sado-Masochists. And this is definitely not the best line of action.

Train yourself to believe that whatever happens is really always for the best.

I try not to forget the wise lines from the Russian film “Let’s live till Monday”:

“There is room for everything in our life: Good lives side by side with Evil.

If your fiancee abandons you for somebody else, it’s hard to to say who is the luckier and better off in the long run”.

I can’t help but agree with that.

And what about you?

An anecdote about the optimistic attitude to life

(heard by my Austrian friend in a restaurant in Rostov-on-Don)

A prisoner sentenced to death is sitting in his cell looking out of the window.

Suddenly he sees a prison guard crossing the yard with a bottle of vodka in his hand.

Hoping against hope that this bottle is meant for him, he exclaims:

“Life seems to be improving!”

Here is another example to illustrate the difference between an optimist and a pessimist:

Two prisoners sharing a prison cell are both looking out of the barred window but one of them only sees the mud and dirt under the feet of the passers-by, while the other one is watching the bright stars in the clear sky.

Try to be an optimist.

Don’t concentrate on the dirt below your feet.

Better look up at the stars.

If you have half a glass of water, choose to believe that it is half-full, as an optimist would say, rather than half-empty as a pessimist would be tempted to think.

It’s probably much easier to find a fly in the ointment, or find fault with little things and let them spoil your day or even your whole life, than to see a small ray of light in complete darkness and courageously follow it.

But perhaps, one shouldn’t take the line of least resistance and always swim with the current?

Well, here we come to …

The third commandment of a happy woman:

Never allow yourself to forget that there is always the sun behind the clouds, that whenever God strikes us on one cheek It always strokes the other.

Try to look on the bright side, choose to walk on the sunny side of the street and pay little or no attention to its dark, shadow side.

Learn to be a cheerful optimist and to think positive.

Chapter four
Movement is life

Mens sana in corpore sanum.

(Lat. Sound mind in a sound body)

If you remember to do your exercise,

you walk as if the whole world belongs to you.

(Sophie Lauren)

Movement is life, or, in other words, to move means to live.

Everybody knows this phrase.

But very few of us fully realize that these are not mere words, or stories invented by coaches and doctors.

This is the harsh reality of life.

A modern woman, for the most part, leads a sedantary way of life.

I would even say, too sedantary.

We sit at school and at the University, in the office and in front of our home PC or laptop.

We sit at the wheel of our cars and in the passenger seat on the plane.

We sit at the airport waiting for our flight to be announced, then on board the plane waiting first for take-off and then for landing, to say nothing of the flight time itself.

To make the long story short, we sit too much and we don’t move enough.

To use a more sophisticated and scientific turn of phrase, we all suffer from hypodynamia, which, in simple terms, means lack or deficit of movement.

It’s no use arguing this point.

This is the sad reality of the twenty-first century.

If you want to be fit both physically and psychologically and to look and feel accordingly, start doing something about it immediately.

I don’t mean anything extraordinary or out of this world.

Simply start to move more, to lead a generally more active way of life.

However, try to understand me correctly.

There is no need for extremes or heroic deeds.

I’m not calling on you to start exhausting yourself with hard training sessions and exercises beyond your power of endurance.

Or to imagine yourself “a walrus”¹ and dive into the icy water in winter without necessary preparation.

If at the moment you can’t join a fitness-club, swim in the pool three times a week or take up lawn tennis, don’t worry!

Start with small things.

Just take the first step, it’s this first step that costs.

And then, as you know, step by step one goes far.

If you have the will-power to get up a quarter of an hour earlier than usual, you can begin with a very short and tiny little set of simplest possible morning exercises.

And then take, if not a cold, at least a cool envigorating shower to wake you up.

I know from my own experience how difficult it is to resume keep-fit activities after a long break. And it’ s even more difficult to start from scratch, if you have never done it before.

Old habits die hard and new ones take time and effort to get established.

But believe me, you simply HAVE TO!

It’s an absolute MUST, which is necessary for your survival.

It’s for your own benefit – your own health and well-being!

From my own experience

When I resumed my visits to the fitness-club after an almost two-year break, at first, for a few weeks each time I had to force myself to go there, to literally drag myself by the ears.

I invented all kinds of excuses not to go there today, but better go tomorrow, next time, on Monday, in a week, after my period is over and so on and so forth.

Any time really, except today, except now.

However, every time I forced myself to go, already five to ten minutes into training I was extremely happy that I was there and started enjoying myself.

Leaving the club after the training session, I felt a little tired, but in a pleasant sort of way, and extremely pleased with myself.

My spirits rose. My mood drastically improved.

My eyes regained their brightness and my pale cheeks – their colour.

I felt an altogether different person, as if I was born again.

Now I know what was behind it all – “endorphin” – the so-called hormone of joy and happiness.

Luckily, as it turns out, our body produces it not only if we gulp down tons of bananas, ice-cream and chocolate, but also as a result of physical exercises.

And this is absolutely great!

Aren’t we fabulousy lucky?

I once got into conversation with an old friend of mine.

In terms of keep-fit activities, she has always been for me a good example to follow.

As long as I have known her, she has always led a very active sport life.

She regularly goes to the swimming pool and to a fitness-club.

She has tried virtually everything – step and pilates, yoga and belly dance…

To cut the long story short – you name it – she has done it or has at least tried it!

Sport and fitness have always been an indispensible part of her way of life.

But to my great surprise, even iron ladies like her, sometimes have their moments of weakness. After a long and tiring day in the bank she, too, sometimes fights the temptation, thinking to herself: What if I skip my yoga class today, go home and have an early night, just for once, just for a change?

But whenever she wins this inner battle with herself and overcomes her laziness, she never regrets it, as the same thing that I have experienced myself, inevitaby happens to her – she comes back to life, regains her cheerfulness, starts to enjoy life and have fun.

It’s extremely difficult to change your usual life routine.

Old habits always die hard.

Because, first of all, you have to defeat your own inertia and laziness, and the latter is known to be the mother of all other human sins.

In the early hours of the morning it is so nice, cosy and warm in you bed that you feel like staying there for a few more minutes instead of getting up and doing your morning exercises.

However, if you have made up your mind to turn over a new leaf, don’t postpone it.

Don’t put it off till some other time!

Pluck up what’s left of your will-power and start acting!

But hold on a minute!

Before you plunge into it, I’d like to warn you against possible mistakes you are likely to make.

These mistakes can spoil all your good intentions and put you off fitness for a long time, if not for good – in the worst-case scenario.

Some useful hints based on my own experience

• Never jump out of bed at the first sound of the alarm clock!

I must admit I used to do it myself, all the time.

It looked like something out of a cartoon film:

The alarm clock rings and I jump up and then out of bed, as if bitten by a wasp or swept up by a hurricane or tornado…

I‘m still only half-awake and can hardly see straight through my half-closed lids.

Despite that, I rush to switch off the alarm, bumping into things and knocking them over.

Isn’t that the right way to start the day wrong?

Besides, to crown it all, as I discover later, my legs are all bruised.

Never do that!

Cause if you do, what happens is you get up without waking up and you end up feeling half-asleep for the rest of the day. Like some insects or animals in early spring, after the long winter hibernation, you move as if in slow-motion.

You are half-asleep rather than half-awake, balancing between dreams and reality.

Just imagine spending your whole day like that!

If you can’t rely on your internal biological rhythm and can’t wake up without the alarm-clock, place it in such a way that you can easily switch it off, simply by reaching out for it, without leaving the sanctuary of your bed.

Well, the alarm-clock is silenced.

But before you get out of bed, stretch yourself – at leisure and with pleasure.

Try to think about something positive, something pleasant and nice.

It’s very important, as the thoughts you are thinking during the first few minutes after you wake up have a strong impact on the rest of your day.

If you let bad and pessimistic thoughts into your head, you may end up getting out of bed on the wrong side.

Then you may just as well forget about your high spirits and cheerfulness.

There are exercises that you can do without even getting from under the blanket.

It makes sense to start with those.

Slowly stretch your tip-toes as far as possible, then hold them back as far as you can.

Wait for a few seconds, then make a pause and relax.

Do it ten times with both feet together.

And then with one foot going forward and the other – backward.

You will feel the blood rush to your feet and legs, which wake up and are ready to serve you.

Now you can get out of bed, or at least sit up in it.

Sit up and slowly move your head. To the right and to the left, backward and forward, then make circlular movements with your neck.

Send the blood flowing into your brain.

It won’t hurt it to wake up as well.

Don’t you think? This is the beginning of a wake-up complex of morning exercises described by Anastasia Semenova in her book “Seven steps to happiness”.

I have tried it myself and find it very good indeed.

It doesn’t take up too much of my precious morning time.

I can do it in fifteen-twenty minutes but the effect is really wonderful!

So I strongly advise you to give it a try.

• To start a new life, it’s not at all necessary to wait till Monday.

You can forget this outdated stereotype with a clear conscience.

Blue Monday is a hard day as it is. There is no need to aggravate the situation even further.

Why make things more difficult than they actually are?

It’s so much better to start your life anew at the weekend or during holidays, when in the morning you don’t have to hurry to the University or to the office.

And when you have a real opportunity to devote more time to your own precious self.

It does not matter what you start with.

The most important thing is to take the very first step, which is usually the most difficult.

And not tomorrow, not next Monday or after the holidays.

Start TODAY!

Even if today is not Monday.

Particularly if today is not Monday.

• The laziest of us should better start with the easiest things.

If you can’t get up early to do the morning exercises,

if you don’t feel like torturing yourself with such exhausting things like colonetics… don’t despair and don’t lose heart!

First of all, try this very simple trick.

Make it a rule not to wait for a bus to go one or two stops but walk this short distance.

Don’t jump into your car each time you have to go to the chemist’s only two blocks away.

Go there on foot.

Just for a change, if not for other reasons.

Naturally, I wouldn’t recommend doing it on the coldest day of the year or when it’s pouring with rain. That would be the best way to kill any desire to travel otherwise than by car with a climate control on and could put you off walking for a long time, if not for the rest of your life.

It’s certainly best to turn over a new leaf in spring when the whole nature is waking up from its long winter sleep.

You fill up your lungs with fresh intoxicating spring air.

You can feel the winds of change blowing around you.

And it’s so much easier to follow the inspiring example of nature and change your way of life and your attitude to yourself and to the world around you.

But if you don’t want to wait till spring, if the whims of the changeable weather can’t frighten you off, don’t wait and start your new life TODAY!

Do it NOW!

Even if it’s a nasty autumn or a freezing winter day.

“There is no such thing as bad weather. Any kind of weather is a blessing”.

It’s a well-known fact that walking does you a lot of good.

It’s an extremely healthy and also a surprisingly easy and pleasant exercise.

It’s not a ten-kilometre cross-country race and not even jogging.

Nobody doubts that walking helps you to keep fit, and with the minimum effort on your part, too.

But as it turns out, this is not its only advantage.

Scientific research has proven that it also stimulates and impoves the functioning of your brain. But this refers mainly to women.

Which means it won’t help mental abilities of men, and the latter should look for other, probably more complicated ways of improving their thinking processes.

• Try to live a more active life and to move more!

It’s important not only for the slimness of your body and the firmness of your muscles.

It’s no less important for your general well-being and your mood.

Find your favourite ways and methods.

If you say that you are too busy to go in for sports, that you have no time for keep-fit activities, or that a year’s membership in a fitness-club costs a fortune, don’t fool yourself.

You are only looking for excuses.

This is nothing but your inner resistance to change and you have to overcome it.

You can do fitness virtually anywhere.

On your way to college or from work.

Even in the office if you lock yourself in for a least a quarter of an hour.

If you are interested and want to learn more about it, leaf through “Fit for Fun” magazine or other similar editions.

Some of the women I know are actively using its recommendations.

They have added some of their individual favourites and can now do a wonderful complex of exercises right in the office, practically at their working places.

A very simple exercise for home and office

When you sit in front of your PC or laptop the whole day, make a break from time to time and put one leg over the other thirty times in a row, in a high tempo.

Then do the same with the other leg and you’ll immediately feel the difference.

You’ll realise you’ve got muscles and they can hurt.

Naturally you shouldn’t do that during important negotiations with potential clients.

It can be grossly misunderstood and misinterpreted.

But whenever the boss leaves the office or turns his back, or your colleagues are going out for a smoke you can go ahead and exercise to your heart’s content.

There is one thing you can be a 100% sure of:

It’s much healthier than joining the others and poisoning yourself with a cigarette or yet another cup of coffee.

A few pieces of friendly advice

Here are some very simple ways to start moving more, practically for free, without any extra expenses and with minimal time losses.

• Walk more. It’s much more effective than you can imagine.

• Walk up and down the stairs, in the metro, in the office and at home.

Don’t use the lift (up to a point and within ⠀ reasonable limits, of course. I don’t mean climbing to the top floor of a skyscraper every day of the week) but if it’s only a matter of several flights of steps, don’t be lazy and use your feet.

By the way, here is an interesting fact:

It would appear that going downstairs is much easier than going upstairs.

But it turns out that, strange though it may seem, we are using up more calories when we go down and not up. Just bear it in mind, especially if you are planning to lose weight.

• Remember your childhood and jump the rope or do the hullahoop.

It’s good both for shaping your body and training your heart.

• Dance more.

Use every opportunity to dance – go to discos or take dancing lessons.

You can also dance at home to your favourite dancing music.

• Try to discover what your favourite sport is.

It can be anything whatsoever – skiing and snowboarding in winter or roller-skating and mountain-climbing in summer, swimming or cycling, Latino or belly dancing, Yoga or pilates.

The choice is entirely your own.

The only really important thing is that you have to enjoy doing it, it’s got to be fun.

• Choose the best time of the day to do sports.

If you are an incorrigible “owl” in your sleeping habits, you will find it terribly difficult to get up even fifteen minutes earlier in the morning.

No problem with that.

There is no rule about jogging or doing exercises only in the morning.

If you want to, you can just as well do it in the evening.

Moreover, American scientists have discovered that it’s even better to do jogging in the evening.

You may believe it or not, but why not try it yourself, especially if by nature you are definitely “an owl” and not “a lark”?

By the way, quite recently when I was in Paris, I was surprised by the number of people of both sexes, jogging in the evening, right in the centre of Paris, practically below the Eiffel Tower.

And shortly before that I witnessed a similar thing in the neigbouring Belgium – in the parks and boulevards of Brussels.

So it looks like jogging in the evening is quite in the spirit of the times.

Now it’s up to you to start jogging one beautiful morning or evening.

When you do it – is entirely up to you to decide.

It depends on your taste, your biological rhythm and sleeping habits.

Well…

It doesn’t matter where, how and what you do in terms of fitness and sports.

Likewise, it doesn’t matter what time of the day you choose for it.

There is only one thing that really matters: not to forget the important rule of well-being and high spirits, without which a woman simply can’t feel happy.

And that is…

The fourth commandment of a happy woman:

Try to lead a more active way if life.

Move more and stay in a good form!

(Naturally I mean your physical form and not the products of the leading producers of sports clothes!)