I’ve always entertained this strange fantasy of writing a book with no preamble whatsoever, as I see it as akin to running into the room before you’ve walked into the room and saying, ‘In a second, I’m going to walk into the room and introduce myself and I just wanted to let you know beforehand, in case you got confused or upset in any way when I actually walk into the room.’ I did try to do this this time, as I have done with all the books I’ve written – but as if my fingers had a mind of their own, they tapped away at the keys regardless until this preamble materialized. To be fair, the one that first appeared on screen was far shorter than this but when the Silver Shadow, my esteemed, fearsome and beloved ex-literary agent read it, she rounded on me with fury, declaring, ‘Barefoot, you’re always in such a rush to get started! I think this foreword needs more care and attention as it’s the first thing people will see – you need to make clear from the start, for the sake of readers unfamiliar with your work, that you’ve already explained how to harness your power, how to meditate, become enlightened, spiritually aligned and even immortal in Return of the Urban Warrior, and that you’ve explained how to free yourself from all self-limiting blocks to your perfect happiness in Liberation, and because you’re not one to waste words, you don’t intend to repeat yourself in this book – and that what you’re about is high-speed transformation for people on the run, which is why Manifesto reads so fast it almost makes your eyes spin in their sockets … and that it’s also by far and away the very best self-help book you’ve ever written!’

But I reckon she said it for me, so I won’t bother repeating it.

That all being said, after my customary semi-hypnotic introduction or, more accurately, induction, I launch unexpectedly, with a suddenness that surprised even me at the time of writing, into exactly what you do to manifest everything you always wanted, which takes up a good 58 per cent of the text (for those of you with a penchant for percentages). This comprises the slickest, most succinct and probably most powerful set of manifestation tools yet known to humankind and really should have had a far longer build-up, but I can’t fake it with you – this material just isn’t susceptible to showmanship, coming as it does from so far back in time and space.

You see, strangely, in spite of the fact that personally I am at least semi-certifiable, some ancient Taoist master or other, who evidently achieved spiritual immortality way back when, seems to have chosen me as his messenger. He probably had the wrong address, but that’s fine with me, as I wasn’t doing anything that special before all this started for me 38 years ago at the sweet, though not really innocent, age of eleven. And, after all, it’s a great gig if you can get it. Of course, you could strip that version of events of its questionable romance and simply say it comes to me through the more rarefied channels of the higher mind, albeit filtered through decades of personal training, experience and distortion, direct, as it were, from source; from what you might call the Golden Immortals themselves, or at least from the Universal Dinner Lady (that’ll make sense when you read the book).

The remaining 42 per cent (approximately) concerns itself with issues inevitably arising from the practice of manifesting things, as well as providing encouragement (because you’ll be needing a fair bit of that) along with (hopefully) useful insights from the front line, arranged into short, easily downloadable chunks of data perfect for, say, a session on the Ioo or a couple of stops on the train on the way into or home from work. At first these drops of data may seem oddly repetitive but I’m sure you’ll agree you can never have enough reminding of the basic metaphysical laws (I’m sure you’ll agree).

It’s quite feasible you could use at least 67 per cent or so of the text, if not far more, as an open-at-any-random-page style oracle or daily guidance mechanism with relative impunity and indeed gain quite some benefit. However, just because the actual how-you-do-it bit comes relatively early on in the text without massive fanfare, that doesn’t mean you should skim through it, as this would have you missing the whole point, which after all, is learning how to get what you want the easy Taoist way. However, be warned (as will be repeated in the upcoming warning), that getting it can lead to significant personal disorientation, not to mention sometimes extreme upheaval in your social setting as regards sudden personnel or geographical changes and suchlike, as well as which your faith will be sorely tested many times over, hence why 33 per cent of information or thereabouts, addresses itself to helping you deal with that, or you could find yourself getting in a right old pickle, existentially speaking. That all being said, I hope you enjoy reading it 100 per cent, however you do it and whenever, and moreover I hope you enjoy the results, as without any shadow of a doubt, it’s the best game I’ve ever played and I’m sure it will be for you too. (OK, will that do for you, Silver?)

warning

The method described and explained in this manifesto is extremely powerful and I’m not just saying that for dramatic or commercial effect. Furthermore, while it’s true my style of delivery is variously jokey, lighthearted, compassionate, intimate, sexy, friendly, downright random and hopefully altogether enjoyable, don’t let that fool you into thinking you’re not playing with fire here.

Once you start using this manifesting method, your reality will begin to change and make you susceptible to occasional bouts of extreme disorientation, not just in your head but in your actual life. So don’t mess about with this if you would really rather leave the conditions of your life as they are.

Remember, many people prefer wanting to actually getting and for good reason. We didn’t create the suburbs and all that go with them – the mind-numbing TV, the drunken nights out, the Sunday shopping expeditions or the Friday night sex – for nothing. Real life can be very scary. Once you instigate the process of manifesting what you want, you have to leave the suburbs behind (and I use the concept of suburb figuratively) and step out into the big bad world where the wind of change blows with fury and there’s nowhere to hide.

Obviously it’s worth it because at the odd times the wind dies down, there’s nothing as exhilarating as looking around you and saying, ‘I manifested all this.’ It’s utterly magnificent in fact. But don’t say I didn’t warn you (and I’m not messing about when I say all this – trust me).

the internal revolution

Comrades, sisters and brothers of the world, the revolution has begun. No more confusion about getting what you want. The time has come to get what you want without confusion.

This is a bloodless revolution – but it’s not for sissies. There will be disorientation. After aeons of confusion and clinging to the past, clarity is at first disorientating. This is only natural. Disorientation, however, is only disorientation and will pass as quickly as it came, leaving in its wake scenes of such splendour you will gasp in astonishment.

Have courage. This is a revolution of the heart. The heart will see things differently now and as it does, reality will change to match it. This may require you saying goodbye to many things of the past as the new makes itself known in your life. At times you will no longer recognize yourself as you struggle to grasp on to unfamiliar reference points.

be bold, for when the dust settles and the sound of galloping hooves fades into the distance, you will find yourself enjoying the life you always dreamed of but never really believed you could have.

Be bold, comrades, sisters and brothers, for when the dust settles and the sound of galloping hooves fades into the distance, you will find yourself enjoying the life you always dreamed of but never really believed you could have. And if you don’t believe me either, read this manifesto and find out for yourself.

Not that I really mind – all faux-revolutionary propaganda aside – the internal revolution’s already paid off for me, so I’m all right, Jack – but to increase my own good fortune, I know the only way is to share it. So I’m giving you the precise lowdown on exactly how it’s done – the Taoist way – the way of wu wei, in fact – and you can use it or not as suits.

One thing’s for sure, the more of us who do it now, the happier we’ll all be, which will make me happier because I love it when people laugh and smile. It thrills me to the quick.

so, am I a jammy bastard?

I don’t think so. I’ve worked patiently, consistently, tirelessly and lovingly for over twenty years, always faithful to the vision, never once wobbling in the face of constant obstruction and adversity, never complaining (except to one or two really close friends, who I actually drove half mad) about having no wealth or home for that time, never selling out and taking the conventional route to comfort, and doing it pretty much always with a smile and a cheerful heart. Yes, I’m a sensational guy; it’s true. Sure, I have my faults, but then who doesn’t. Sure, there are people who hate me and bless them all, but there are far more who love me and you know why, because I love you – you in everyone. It’s as simple as that. And the you in everyone is the Tao, the Great Spirit, the Ineffable Suchness, generating, permeating, animating, connecting and informing the entirety of all creation, and if you love that, as I do, it loves you back, as you love me and I love you.

So no, not a jammy bastard at all, but a well-blessed bastard for sure, and damn thankful to life, myself and you that it’s so. And now you can be one too – in fact you already are (you blessed bastard, you) – as I said, the revolution has begun whether you are aware of it or not.

But why bother? Why bother manifesting what you want – the Taoist way or any other way for that matter? Why rock the boat? Because unless you’ve learned to live your entire life in serene meditation without money, food, possessions or any other form of material sustenance …

you’ve got to do something while you’re hanging around waiting to die

Haven’t you?

Well, possibly not. You could be a professional lotus-eater, hanging back in the cul-de-sac and never venturing another step on the Great Thoroughfare of Life. You could play safe, avoid the adventure, forget all about the revolution and mollify yourself with TV, banal conversation, second-rate sex, tainted romance and consumerism instead. You could, in other words, do nothing much and that would be fine – horses for courses, as it were. You could still read this manifesto – it would amuse you regardless.

But I tell you what, if you reckon on the fact that you’re going to die anyway one day, and you never know exactly when that will be until it happens, and you figure from that that you’ve got nothing to lose and in fact everything in the entire world to gain, then with the data you access from reading this, you will, in no time, find yourself having a ball, baby, you’ll find yourself having an absolute ball. So put on your dancing shoes and let’s dance. Me, I go barefoot.

dancing with the Universal Dinner Lady

(or Universal Dinner Man, if you really want to be anal about it)

Manifesting the life you want is a dance you do with the Tao. That’s the point of it. It is, to be crude about it, a spiritual experience. You see it’s not the things, situations and events you manifest that bring you spiritual satisfaction, it’s watching the Tao in action as those things, situations and events spring into existence before your very eyes – that’s the blessing, that’s the point (if there is one).

But what is this Tao you dance with? The Tao, the Great Spirit, the Ineffable Suchness, generating, permeating, animating, connecting and informing the entirety of all creation, is actually something you can’t describe in words. It’s simply far too big to fit within words no matter how well-configured or chosen, even for such a loquacious chap as I. But you can trigger the realization of it – after all, it’s at the existential core of each and every one of us – by playing silly games. Traditionally, the Taoists of ancient times called it the mother of both existence and non-existence – note mother, not father. This alludes to its nurturing nature. But obviously the Tao is not really a woman, nor is it a man for that matter. This indicates that ancient Taoists were just as inclined to play silly games as post-modern ones, in which case come with me all the way into silliness here and picture this.

you’ve got nothing to lose and in fact everything in the entire world to gain.

You’re standing in line in the school canteen, Oliver Twist-style, your empty plate in your hands, shuffling along as kids do, looking down at the floor or at the dodgy haircut of the person in front of you. All of a sudden you find yourself at the front of the queue, and looking up you’re startled and gratified to see that the dinner lady, far from the dowdy archetype, is actually a voluptuous, sensuous, full-lipped, sex-goddess of a woman wearing silk underwear, suspenders, stockings and heels beneath her apron (or perhaps a firm-muscled sex-god, depending on your preference), who smiles at you bountifully and says, ‘Yes? And what would you like, young woman (or man)?’ Her body language, facial expression and vocal tone suggest you can ask for anything – anything in the whole wide world – and she’ll heap it on your plate.

‘I want everything,’ you hear yourself say, ‘not just purity or peace of mind, Dinner Lady, but absolutely everything.’

And rather than calling you a greedy little git, she smiles even more munificently than before and says, ‘You got it kid, but dance with me first!’ because she loves it when you ask for everything – it’s her nature to give, to generate – it’s what she’s here for. And she loves a good dance. And that’s why we love the Universal Dinner Lady so much.

As I said, it’s silly, and I wouldn’t want you, or me, to get stuck on it as a metaphor forever, but for now it’s a good working proposition – not that a proper Taoist would indulge in such personifications, preferring the Tao to remain the formless, uncarved block of undifferentiated absoluteness it is. But for improper erstwhile Taoists like you or me, and for the sake of gaining some basic understanding of the nature of manifesting what you want, I suggest we indulge ourselves. And you know why? Because …

the Universal Dinner Lady loves it when you ask for everything – it’s her nature to give.

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Manifesto: How To Get What You Want Without Trying

Bu kitabı arayanlar okuyor

Dedication

Contents

explanation of the scheme of the book

warning

the internal revolution

so, am I a jammy bastard?

you’ve got to do something while you’re hanging around waiting to die

dancing with the Universal Dinner Lady