Kitabı oku: «The diary of the Tambov Wolf»

© Tsvetana Alеkhina, 2022

ISBN 978-5-0056-0865-9

Created with Ridero smart publishing system

«Don’t you believe in these fairy tales?

When suddenly you give a heart to a wolf,

The Tambov wolf is not a beast to you,

The Tambov wolf is your comrade.»

Vladilen of Olives

CHAPTER 1

Autumn is a wonderful time of the year. It is a beautiful time. Especially if it is a warm autumn. I still do not want to return home from the street as it happened in the summer. Hot, fun, noisy time of the year it was replaced by a warm, beautiful, autumn coolness. The golden color of the trees fascinates with its beauty, makes you think. Someone is sad about the past summer, and someone about the past life. The autumn forest is beautiful, especially if this forest is Tambov. I walked slowly, knowing this forest like the back of my hand. Despite the fact that I was born and raised in Tambov, I did not believe in the existence of the Tambov wolf until I met him personally. I took the expression «Tambov Wolf» with humor, considering that this phrase sounds like a harmless joke.

October 1, 2015. Late autumn. It was getting dark early. My walk today was short-lived, and I did not go as far as the previous times. I wanted to get home as soon as possible, drink tea with raspberries and wrap myself in a warm blanket. Indian summer lasted all September. The cold snap started from the first days of October. The trees did not have time to shed their leaves before the onset of cold weather, their bright crowns fascinated with their beauty. A red maple leaf with an orange border slowly swirled in the air and fell right at my feet. I bent down to pick it up, perhaps it was my fate, with which this beautiful maple leaf brought me, but it was when I picked it up that I saw a product that I did not understand lying on the dry yellowed foliage, and only when I picked it up I realized that it was a wolf’s fang. – How did he get here? I felt uneasy, I looked around trying to find people walking in such a non-walking place, but knowing Knowing in advance that I was alone here, I decided to leave the twilight-shrouded forest as soon as possible. Thrusting the fang, along with the torn cord into my pocket, I almost hurried to the car left on the side of the road. I do not know why, but my heart was pounding with fear, and my legs carried me to my car by themselves. It was only when I slammed the door and started the engine that I felt safe. The dark blue sky spoke of the coming of night, but it was nothing compared to what I heard… I heard a wolf howling. Exactly the howl of a wolf. I did not believe in the existence of wolves in our forest, believing that such animals do not inhabit our Tambov forest. After hitting the gas, I sped off along the Rasskazovskaya highway towards the city.

My house was located on Moskovskaya Street, not far from the Rasskazovsky highway. My parents and I have lived all our lives in a one-room apartment, the windows of which looked directly at the highway that led into the forest. My father taught me to walk in the woods from early childhood. He did not like to walk on the children’s sites, considering that there is nothing good in this. Maybe he was right. My mother often had to work on weekends. It was a duty at the children’s hospital, and we were alone with my father. If the weather was warm on the weekend, it meant that we were going to the forest. My father’s name was Yura, and my mother loved him so much that she named me after him. Childhood flew by, and with it youth, youth, maturity came. My parents went to live in the village of Streltsy, leaving me this apartment with a view of the suburban forest. My personal life did not work out in my youth, and over time, I did not notice how I turned into a loner walking through the Tambov forest.

When I got home, I hastily took off my shoes, without taking off my jacket, went into the kitchen and turned on the kettle. The apartment was warm. I warmed up quickly. Taking out of my pocket what I was so interested in all the way and putting it in the palm of my hand, I brought the strange thing to the light. – It looks like a real wolf’s fang. Is he real? I turned the amulet in my hands. The silver casting attracted attention much more than the fang itself. This old silver tip. But the fact was, this little silver head was so old. At first glance, even for the most inexperienced historian, it was possible to understand that this thing, and with it the lace on which it hung, belongs to ancient times. Considering the amulet, I did not pay attention to the white fluff, or rather the wool left on the black leather cord. Touching the fur with my fingers, and finally deciding to smell it, I realized that it did not fall from the dog’s neck. – What is it? The kettle had been boiling for a long time; the muddy sediment was visible through the thermal glass. Throwing the charm on the table, I took off my jacket and washed my hands. – What should I do about it?

Being an only child, of course I was selfish, and I was not used to sharing with anyone. Deciding to keep everything a secret, I decided to wait until morning and go to the same place in search of evidence. Well, or to my regret, or the owner of the amulet herself.

Night came. But I didn’t feel like sleeping. I twisted the fang in my hands. Realizing that I had a real wolf’s tooth in my hands, or rather a fang, I felt that I had found something very valuable, and very significant, but of course, I did not understand this value, and most importantly its purpose. Putting the amulet under my pillow, I tried to fall asleep, but I could not. I tried to imagine our meeting with the owner of this amulet, and how proud I am to return this pendant to him. Finally, not imagining the image of this man, I sighed easily and lay down from my back on my stomach. Putting my hand under the pillow, I squeezed the fang. – I will keep it for myself. What fell is gone. This is mine now. With these words, I fell asleep. The hand on the clock has long past midnight.

– «Do you have any idea what you’ve done?» Take back what doesn’t belong to you. A woman’s voice woke me up and made me afraid. The voice was imperious and menacing. When I opened my eyes, I realized that I was safe; my hand was clenched into a fist, a fang in my hand. The feeling of fear continued to overwhelm my subconscious. The pounding of the rain outside the window did not let me fall asleep. A well-developed intuition told me that something was wrong. I understood that in my hands there is a talisman, an amulet, or maybe just a pendant from which I inflated a whole story, but whatever it was, this thing has a valuable value for its owner. The white fluff on the leather cord gave me no peace.

Scrolling through the different options in my head, I settled on a more plausible one. – This fang belonged to a white collie dog. She lost it while walking. There is no other excuse. But walking for several days in a row in the same place, I did not see any people, much less dogs. I did not hear the barking. It seemed to me all the time that I was the only one going into such a depth, considering this forest a second home. But, nevertheless, the fact was the following, the hair on the string was quite tough for the collie breed, and how to explain the wolf howl that I clearly heard when getting into the car. There was only one thing left, to return to the scene of the accident. Throwing the bad dream out of my head, I went to the kitchen and turned on the kettle. White Fang was lying motionless under the pillow, I forgot about him for a while. Small raindrops dripped from the window. This fine frost foreshadowed the arrival of winter. After putting on warm clothes, I went outside and began to warm up my Renault.

Early morning of October 2. Fifteen minutes away, and I am there. The path ended a long time ago; I walked into the depths of the forest without looking back. This time I felt a sense of fear. Straining my ears, I tried to catch outsiders. Even if this fang decorated the dog’s neck, the owner had to return with his pet. But to my regret, I didn’t hear anything. The cloudy morning did not have its hospitality; I put my hands in my pockets and squeezed harder. These movements enveloped me with heat from the inside; I realized that I had forgotten the fang under the pillow. – What a fool I am. How could I. Returning to the car left on the side of the road and experiencing a great sense of chagrin, I had to return home.

Midday. Lunchtime. I had no appetite, satisfying my hunger with a cigarette, which I took out only occasionally, in extreme cases, I walked busily around the kitchen, fiddling with a fang in my hand. – And what if I tell my father about everything that happened. I am sure he knows the value of this pendant. Alternatively, an antique dealer’s appraiser. Holding the phone in my left hand and the cord in my right, I walked into the bedroom and found myself in front of the wardrobe mirror. My reflection of me is quite satisfied. I thought I was attractive. Height of one meter eighty. White skin, thick black hair, combed on the right side. A sharp nose, thin lips, wide cheekbones, and gray-green eyes attracted the attention of girls. Bringing the lace to my neck and putting it close, I watched how this thing would look on me. Throwing the phone on the bed, I made an irreparable mistake; I tied the shoelace into a knot while looking at my toes. Raising my head, I recoiled from the reflection; a black wolf with gray-green eyes was looking at me, standing on its hind legs. Not believing in what I saw, I touched myself with my hands, my hands and body remained the same, human. Coming closer to the mirror, a wolf was walking on its hind legs in the reflection; I stretched out my palm to the glass. A wolf’s paw touched me through the glass, and I felt cold. – What is it? How is that? I did not believe what I saw, and began to take off this fang. But to my surprise, I did not succeed. The knots were too tight. A wolf’s howl rose in my ears, an animal instinct took over my body in a split second. I wanted to tear up anyone who comes to hand. The craving for war, and with it for victory, called me to feats. I wanted to fight. Howl and fight. I did not even feel hungry, as a wolf usually feels. Continuing to try to remove the lace, I came to the kitchen and took a knife to cut the tourniquets that bound my neck. The incoming stop signal forbade me to do this. Driven by wolfish instincts, I went downstairs and started the car.

October 2. Evening. Suburban forest. My feet brought me to the place where I found the ominous thing yesterday. The howling in his ears displaced all extraneous noises. – You are doing great! He came alone. A woman’s voice silenced the howling of wolves. Silence. I could hear my heart pounding. – No outsiders are needed here. Now give it to me. After these words, she appeared in front of me, a white wolf with human eyes. But, most of all me I was struck by the fact that she and I had the same gray-green eye color. The she-wolf was slowly coming at me, wagging her hips. If she had been in human form, she would not have left any man indifferent. Her strong paws slowly touched the wet foliage, she walked as if on a tightrope, smoothly and without fear. Her pale pink tongue licked her thin lips, revealing teeth as white as snow. There was nowhere to run, and there was no point. I could only wait for her approach, and then…

Jump and I am on my shoulder blades. I remember her open mouth in front of my face. Her tail was banging against my legs. The paws pressed me to the ground with such force that I managed to estimate the weight of this individual. About eighty kilograms. Her teeth closed around my neck, and I thought this was the end. But she just threw a black leather cord over her fang and jumped off my half-dead body with lightning speed. Here, of course, there was magic, the lace untied itself, it did not have to be torn, and especially cut with a knife. The wolf disappeared as suddenly as it appeared. I remained motionless for about five minutes. Not believing what I saw, I felt my neck with my hand, trying to find the shoelace. Finally making sure he was not there, I got to my feet. Looking at myself, I realized that this was not a vision, and not a hallucination, and I did not even go crazy. Her paw prints were left on my jacket. White fluff covered my jeans and jacket. Apparently, this female changes her fur coat for the winter. For a moment, I realized that I was lost and did not know in which direction to go back to the car. The trees seemed the same. The foliage merged underfoot into one big spot. Frost covered my hair with a nasty cold. Finally coming to my senses, I slowly walked to the exit from this thicket of the forest. I did not want to go home. I realized that I had lost something very valuable, and I would never be able to get this thing back for myself. My wolfish instincts disappeared like lightning with the loss of this amulet. The wolf disappeared along with the amulet, and I did not hear her howling reluctantly getting into the car. And I really wanted to see her again. I realized that she was not dangerous. – What is it? Who is it? The adventure in the autumn forest touched my subconscious. I decided to get to the truth.

Late in the evening, I got to my apartment. Despite the fact that it was hot in the apartment, I began to shake from the cold. Without taking off my warm clothes and without turning on the kettle, I took a hundred-gram bottle of whiskey from the kitchen cabinet and drank it in one gulp. At that time, it was the best cure for the stress experienced over the past 24 hours. The kettle turned on, my hands washed in hot water warmed up, my body is outside. Going into the bedroom, I forgot myself and I went to the wardrobe to get clean clothes, when I saw my reflection, I recoiled from the door and peered into my face. It seems like everything is the same as always, but something was wrong. My longitudinal nose looked like a wolf’s, my eyes burned with a wild fire in which savages danced around the fire. – What is it? When will it all end? The answer was not long in coming. A soft female whisper ran along the wall of my room.

– It’s just started.

Clean clothes, clean hands. Delicious and hot dinner. Anyway, the white wolf did not leave my head. She was beautiful, graceful, strong, and at the same time gentle. I will never forget how she carefully removed the leather cord from my chest by impaling it on one fang. Comparing the facts, I realized that the female voice that I heard belongs to this wolf. She was talking to me. —What then?» What is the conclusion? Is she a werewolf? This is a female werewolf. And most likely a blonde werewolf with gray-green eyes. Does this happen? No. There are no werewolves exists. This is a myth from horror movies. Since ancient times. The word of ancient times shocked me. So is the fang that I found yesterday from ancient times. Is it true? I was sitting on a stool leaning against the wall and could not believe my thoughts. Ancient times. Witches. Werewolves. Amulets. Witches were burned at the stake. There are no werewolves. But I saw him. And this werewolf is blonde. I wish I could see her in human form.

Sleepless night. I could not get a wink of sleep. I did not know what to do. To share with someone about what happened or to keep everything a secret. Realizing that no one would believe me, and I did not want to let anyone into this secret, I decided to keep silent. My father called all morning, I did not give myself away by answering the call. The secret remained a secret. The image of the white wolf continued to haunt me, and I mentally tried to establish contact with her. Of course, I was more interested in her appearance. – What a wolf she is with human eyes. The weight of eighty kilograms is certainly noticeable. I imagined a plump girl with a long braid and lush breasts, round gray-green eyes, pupils running and burning with fire and a white, long, thick braid.

The days spent in the apartment served my already depressed state. I used to enjoy my loneliness. After all, I could go to the forest, and I did not need anyone. Now I was afraid to go into the forest, and I did not know what to do with myself for a whole day. My best friend went on vacation. I am not going to work until tomorrow. I worked for three days. And all three days of the weekend I always had something to occupy myself with. I loved my job, for me it was something like social recreation. More precisely, I loved my team more, because there was always a line between work and weekends between the team and weekends, and, probably, I loved this line more, which did exactly what I needed from work so well. I was lonely and at the same time, I had a team and a salary, which I also loved so much. This time, the day spent at work lasted the equivalent of a week. Barely surviving the shift, I flew home even without smoking a cigarette with a colleague. And we loved doing it so much after work. Talk about different things and smoke near my car. Sometimes I gave him a ride home. When he asked for it.

October 5. This morning I did not notice how I found myself in my car. I did not notice how I ended up at home. How I cooked breakfast and swallowed it in two minutes. Which was not there before. I always ate food slowly, listening to music or watching TV. My gait changed, my hearing became more acute, although I did not complain about it anyway. For the first three days, it seemed to me that everything that happens to me, including my appetite, is the consequences of going to the forest. My next shift at work was not easy for me. It was hard for me to be around people, they annoyed me. Although there was no such thing before, I always went to work with pleasure. The team was not unimportant to me. At the same time, three days spent at home had no less detrimental effect than a day at work. I could not understand what was happening to me. My best friend was supposed to be back from vacation in a day. I was waiting for him so much to go to the forest with him. I just could not show up there alone. The team argued my aggressive state by the fact that I had not been on vacation for a long time. They thought I needed to rest, go to the sea, or Moscow. In general, a change of scenery is what, in their opinion, I lacked. But they are right. I have not been on vacation for a long time.

October 13. Morning after shift. This day, like the last three, I did not go out. I was looking forward to a friend. Being in voluntary imprisonment, I made phone calls so as not to go wild. They were mostly my parents. I behaved as adequately as possible, trying not to attract suspicion in any way, and I succeeded. Periodically, I approached the mirror, of course, each time with caution, but I approached and he stared at his reflection. At first glance, it would seem that nothing has changed, but still the past incident in the reflection made itself felt, and I found fault with every hair. Sometimes I just saw a wolf’s face in my face. But this is nonsense. And I understood that. The arrival of a friend dispelled my fears, and I completely forgot about my reflection. Misha told me how he had a good rest, and I listened to his story in silence, and did not say a word about the white wolf.

– So, what happened here?

– Yes, nothing special. Just a cold autumn. Dull.

– Yes. It is a tragedy for you, I understand. Hiking in the forest has been significantly reduced.

– «Something like that. Misha did not say a word about my unsaid. I could tell by the look on his face that he was waiting for this.

– Yurok! Let us go to your forest tomorrow. I was so excited about his offer. I didn’t even have to ask him about it.

October 14th. A walk through the autumn forest is a wonderful pastime. It was warm weather, and we spent the whole day in the forest. Having bought strong alcohol and a light snack, we visited several forest clearings, the time flew by cheerfully and not noticeably, and our last stop was the «Svyatovo» lake. During the completely fun day, I never mentioned my adventure, so as not to overshadow the walk. I could not wait to share my encounter with a werewolf with a friend, but the circumstances turned out so that I did not mention it, and I considered it a sign of secrecy. Since my parents moved to the countryside, I have been used to walking in the woods alone. Of course, the appearance of the white wolf put fear in my subconscious, and Misha’s company came in handy. Returning home in the dark evening was like an ordinary walk along the embankment. We had a lot to talk about, and there was even some alcohol left. It was a long way to the bus stop, and we stopped for a drink. Our sweet communication was interrupted by a wolf howl. So clear and lingering, it could not be confused with anything. Misha said hoarsely and inquiringly at he looked at me. I nodded approvingly, and we trotted towards the bus stop. When we reached the roadway, we slowed down. – It is crowded here. We are safe here. I also nodded approvingly. Misha looked at me sideways, wanted to say something, but did not dare. The bus pulled up, and we drove in silence to my house. My friend, after a long walk, wished to continue his vacation with me. We went to the «Magnet» and bought the necessary products. – Tell me, you knew, didn’t you?

– Yes, I knew. I said ironically.

– I immediately realized that something was wrong. And how long has this wolf dwells there?

– From where do I know? I only heard the howl once.

– «I didn’t know there were wolves in this forest.»

– Me too. I said dryly.

Our afternoon walk smoothly turned into an evening get-together. After drinking a glass of vodka, Misha uttered a speech with relief. – I noticed that you had changed, but I did not think it was because of the wolf in the forest.

– «You’re right. I have changed. And the wolf is to blame for this. I could barely keep my tongue from slurring from alcohol. —You know I practically grew up in this forest. But this wolf spoiled my walks. I began to appear there less often.

– You said she-wolf! Misha laughed. – There is also a woman involved. Tell. You know you can trust me. Realizing that I had stirred up too much, I had to get out of it.

– Yes, it seems to me that this is a wolf. The howl is too long.

– Here you have determined! Misha continued to laugh. Your ex was here along the way. Well, if you do not want to, do not tell me. I did not want to offend my friend.

– No. The exes are finished. It is just the fear of going into the woods.

– To be afraid of wolves is not to go into the forest. The uttered expression sobered my mind.

– But he is right. I thought. My consciousness was transferred to a forest clearing, where I was standing alone, on a carpet of fallen leaves, the trees were shrouded in fog, and I was waiting for her, peering into the tree trunks. Silence. I cannot see anything. A split second and a white shaggy dog with an open wolf’s mouth flies at me in a jump. I shuddered.

– What is wrong with you?

– Nothing. Vision.

– You know what.

– What?

– For now, tie up for a while with your trips to the forest. Judging by your condition, you have a serious fright. As a last resort, we have parks. Friendship Park, for example, or «Okhlyabinovskaya grove».

– Are you laughing?

– I am serious.

We sat up all night discussing Tambov wolves. From where they appeared, and when they were last seen here. In fact, wolves have not lived in the Tambov Forest for a long time. This kind of animal has long since exterminated itself, or rather it has long been exterminated.

– «Tambov wolf», a funny expression! I could not stand it and laughed with Misha. – Where did this expression come from at all?

– I remember my father telling me several versions about the origin of this expression.

The first one has its roots in the middle of the XVII century, at the time of the emergence of the Tambov fortress, founded to protect the borders of the Moscow state from nomads. Criminals were exiled to a distant fortress, away from the capital, who were called «wolves» for their dashing temper. In a land famous for ferocious wolf-animals, such an association could not fail to take root.

The second option, less bloodthirsty, comes from the time of Peter the Great, and according to him, «Tambov wolves» English merchants called Tambov merchants magnificent wolf skins, which enjoyed particular success with the royal cavalry, who used beautiful and thick wolf fur to insulate their guards cloaks. Since the vocabulary of foreign guests was small, going out to bargain, they simply shouted «Tambov wolf».

According to another version, in pre-revolutionary Russia, residents of neighboring regions called peasants of the Tambov province «Tambov wolves», who, upon completion of fieldwork, came to work in nearby cities and took on any work for a song. It is clear that such «wolves», knocking down prices, could no longer be comrades, grumbled: «Again Tambov wolves are prowling around the yards; the price is being knocked down.»

The last assumption about the origin of this saying is associated with the twenties of the last century. During the civil strife, Antonov’s peasant rebel detachments were hiding in the Tambov forests, hunted by the Red Guards. For the special style of conducting guerrilla warfare, similar to the actions of a wolf pack, Antonovites were nicknamed «Tambov wolves» by local authorities.

– I learned a little history. Your father has trained you well.

– Yes, I spent my whole childhood with him.

– Ask him if there are wolves in the Tambov forest. Maybe it is just a dog for everything. And there are no wolves.

– Of course I will ask. Not today. The night flew by not noticeably. We did not notice when morning came. The day spent in the company of a friend cheered me up and made me perceive the appearance of a wolf in my life in a different way. Michali was right. I am done hiking in the woods. Especially now, when part-time jobs have appeared at work, and my best friend has arrived from vacation.

October 31. Cold autumn. The trees have lost their foliage. Bright colors were replaced by a gray landscape, forced to put on warm clothes. A thick layer of damp foliage stuck to the shoes, slightly irritating. I was not bothered by this phenomenon. I was more concerned about the disappearance of the she-wolf. Why don’t I dream about her anymore? I cannot hear her howling. I would not confuse her howl with anything. It was like a woman crying. Not believing in the existence of wolves in the Tambov forest, and even more mysticism, I was still sure that this wolf was a woman. And of course I wanted to find the key to solving this mystery. I did not know where to start, wanting to do everything right and kind, I listened to the advice of a friend and went to my parents in the village. Largely, this trip was connected with a conversation with my father. I knew that my father would help me find the answer too many of my questions.

November 1st. Sunday frosty morning. Frost-covered grass. Quiet sound of tires, muffled engine. This time, no one met me on the porch, as in the old days. Perhaps it was due to the onset of cold weather, or old age crept up on the mother, and she could no longer stand at the porch on duty. – I have arrived! I heard from the doorway. – We thought you had forgotten about us. I have not actually come to this village since summer time.

– Mom. I got a part-time job.

– Did you abandon the forest? The father asked with bitterness in his voice.

– Of course not. I just started walking a lot less often.

– You do not think about anything but the forest. Mom blurted out.

– And you are talking about work. Father barked. I knew how to defuse a tense situation.

– I am hungry. I said loudly. The altercation is over. The father went outside. The mother ran into the kitchen. A house in the village, away from the hustle and bustle. What could be better? Especially if your parents live in this house, to whom you can always come. A delicious and hearty lunch prepared by the mother’s hands. A heated house before the heat. A simple atmosphere is exactly what takes the soul and warms with its simple and cozy warmth. A house in the village is a kind place where, it would seem, you can die of boredom when you were born and grew up in the village, but at the same time, you do not want to go back to the city, into the vanity of vanities. Every time you come to your parents and go back, during this period, a period is measured that is waning. It is as a whole epoch is measured, before arrival, and after departure. With each visit, I become more mature or even older. Anyway, I have always loved coming here.

In the evening, my father went out to smoke, I went out with him.

– What makes you think?

– I see. I see even more than you think do, it happened in the forest.

– It is just an extra workload at work.

– Wow, I was wrong. I thought you were having trouble in the woods.

– What makes you think that?

– «Work has never meant anything to you. It was more of a hobby than a job.

– So I am growing up.

– In the fortieth year of life. Made me laugh. Rather, you have a personal life.

– It ended a long time ago. Both personal life and work are incompatible. Better tell me about the Tambov wolves.

– What do you mean? Didn’t I tell you about them?

– I told you. Now, Dad, tell me about the wolves themselves. What do you know about them? The word dad hurt the elderly man, and with a sigh, he sat down on a log lying behind the house especially for personal gatherings, lighting a second cigarette. I sat down next to him.

– The wolf is a noble animal in itself. For example, when feeding a family. The concern for the offspring of wolves is pronounced. In addition to the parents, the whole flock is engaged in nursing the cubs. Feeding the kids is the main concern. These animals make every effort to ensure that the young grow up healthy, strong and adapted to the difficult life in the forest. As for the Tambov wolf, the old man paused, puffing on a cigarette, examining the clouds of smoke, he continued. – The Tambov wolf is hospitable if he considers you his friend. If, on the contrary, friendship did not work out, and the Tambov wolf turned out to be your enemy, then in the future this wolf will attack you, this is the essence of the Tambov wolf. But if the Tambov wolf has become your friend, then he will open all the doors for you, and take off his last shirt. Well, as far as I know, now there are no wolves in our Tambov forest, they have been exterminated for a long time. So, what happened to you?