Kitabı oku: «Honey and Pepper»

© Valentine Ruzanov, 2021

ISBN 978-5-0055-2521-5

Created with Ridero smart publishing system

Honey and pepper

My name is Peretz, and my chosen one is Honey. Since all women are… Well, you yourself understand. Why is my name Peretz? Let me tell you what happened between us and you yourself will understand everything.

It all began in those immemorial times when I was young and treated colds with disgusting castor oil. She was ugly like everyone else in our quarter and cost 20 kopecks. “Cheap!” – I thought, and was right in my own way. After another tube of castor oil, I felt sick, but I again and again trudged to that charming pharmacist who, not only castor oil, but even needles with her white handles, never touched. And the wolves howled in my soul. And then one day I go to the pharmacy in a new white scarf and I smile so clumsily.

– Lyusya, can I have a couple of glasses for you?

– I don’t drink, – Lucy answers, – Maybe you have castor oil again?

– Well, let’s go to a restaurant, – I continue, – let’s get a pig.

– With insufficient physical activity, one gram of fat is burned in…

– To hell! Lucy, I love you!

– I don’t even know your name!

MY NAME IS PEPPER.

Love tadpoles

– Oh, these hummans! – said a tall frog in a lilac raincoat and sat down on a station stool. There was half an hour before the arrival of her dear uncle, and after wandering around the peron in good anticipation, she settled down near the window of the cafe.

– It is served to eat!

– What is it, waiter?

– Little green ones.

The tears in the frog’s eyes did not at all mean that she understood French well, and after leafing through the dictionary, the frog calmed down that this dialogue could mean anything, but not what she thought in fright.

– Green, you say?

– Yes, monsieur. Your favorite paws.

Making a surprised face, the frog grunted and squealed to the entire station this ugly word, which was dissolved in the whistles of an approaching steam locomotive.

– Pe… to… fi… tu!

Scam love letter

Young lady (fill in the necessary), after 2 days of unrequited love for you, I finally understood…

That everything that happened between us and will happen is only a part of that unrequited accident, whose name in many languages of the world still sounds as consonant and charming as your smile:

“Meile”.

So, I, a Scottish by birth, Lithuanian, by the will of fate, promise and undertake:

1) Always be interested in your well-being and health

2) Find you wherever you are and under whatever nickname you are hiding

3) Sing your smile in odes and choral chants (as well as in the blues of the Scottish and North British tradition)

4) Do not compromise you in any way, either verbally or in writing, be it Fuisbuk, Kontakte or Odnopassniki

If all of the above still leaves the slightest shadow of doubt in you, be confident in yourself and do not look at others:

We do not win!

Always yours,

Quest Tamil Junior

(Qwest Tamil Jr.)