Kitabı oku: «The Destroying Angel», sayfa 14
XIX
CAPITULATION
Grimly Whitaker sat himself down in the kitchen and prepared to wait the reappearance of his wife – prepared to wait as long as life was in him, so that he were there to welcome her when, her paroxysm over, she would come to him to be comforted, soothed and reasoned out of her distorted conception of her destiny.
Not that he had the heart to blame or to pity her for that terrified vision of life. Her history was her excuse. Nor was his altogether a blameless figure in that history. At least it was not so in his sight. Though unwittingly, he had blundered cruelly in all his relations with the life of that sad little child of the Commercial House.
Like sunlight penetrating storm wrack, all the dark disarray of his revery was shot through and through by the golden splendour of the knowledge that she loved him…
As for this black, deadly shadow that had darkened her life – already he could see her emerging from it, radiant and wonderful. But it was not to be disregarded or as yet ignored, its baleful record considered closed and relegated to the pages of the past. Its movement had been too rhythmic altogether to lack a reason. His very present task was to read its riddle and exorcise it altogether.
For hours he pondered it there in the sunlit kitchen of the silent house – waiting, wondering, deep in thought. Time stole away without his knowledge. Not until late in the afternoon did the shifted position of the sun catch his attention and arouse him in alarm. Not a sound from above…!
He rose, ascended the stairs, tapped gently on the locked door.
"Mary," he called, with his heart in his mouth – "Mary!"
Her answer was instant, in accents sweet, calm and clear:
"I am all right. I'm resting, dear, and thinking. Don't fret about me. When I feel able, I will come down to you."
"As you will," he assented, unspeakably relieved; and returned to the kitchen.
The diversion of thought reminded him of their helpless and forlorn condition. He went out and swept the horizon with an eager and hopeful gaze that soon drooped in disappointment. The day had worn on in unbroken calm: not a sail stirred within the immense radius of the waters. Ships he saw in plenty – a number of them moving under power east and west beyond the headland with its crowning lighthouse; others – a few – left shining wakes upon the burnished expanse beyond the farthest land visible in the north. Unquestionably main-travelled roads of the sea, these, so clear to the sight, so heartbreakingly unattainable…
And then his conscience turned upon him, reminding him of the promise (completely driven out of his mind by his grim adventure before dawn, together with the emotional crisis of mid-morning) to display some sort of a day-signal of distress.
For something like half an hour he was busy with the task of nailing a turkey-red table-cloth to a pole, and the pole in turn (with the assistance of a ladder) to the peak of the gabled barn. But when this was accomplished, and he stood aside and contemplated the drooping, shapeless flag, realizing that without a wind it was quite meaningless, the thought came to him that the very elements seemed leagued together in a conspiracy to keep them prisoners, and he began to nurse a superstitious notion that, if anything were ever to be done toward winning their freedom, it would be only through his own endeavour, unassisted.
Thereafter for a considerable time he loitered up and down the dooryard, with all his interest focussed upon the tidal strait, measuring its greatest and its narrowest breadth with his eye, making shrewd guesses at the strength and the occasions of the tides.
If the calm held on and the sky remained unobscured by cloud, by eleven there would be clear moonlight and, if he guessed aright, the beginning of a period of slack water.
Sunset interrupted his calculations – sunset and his wife. Sounds of some one moving quietly round the kitchen, a soft clash of dishes, the rattling of the grate, drew him back to the door.
She showed him a face of calm restraint and implacable resolve, if scored and flushed with weeping. And her habit matched it: she had overcome her passion; her eyes were glorious with peace.
"Hugh" – her voice had found a new, sweet level of gentleness and strength – "I was wondering where you were."
"Can I do anything?"
"No, thank you. I just wanted to tell you how sorry I am."
"For what, in Heaven's name?"
She smiled… "For neglecting you so long. I really didn't think of it until the sunlight began to redden. I've let you go without your lunch."
"It didn't matter – "
"I don't agree. Man must be fed – and so must woman. I'm famished!"
"Well," he admitted with a short laugh – "so am I."
She paused, regarding him with her whimsical, indulgent smile. "You strange creature!" she said softly. "Are you angry with me – impatient – for this too facile descent from heroics to the commonplace? But, Hugh" – she touched his arm with a gentle and persuasive hand – "it must be commonplace. We're just mortals, after all, you know, no matter how imperishable our egos make us feel: and the air of the heights is too fine and rare for mortals to breathe long at a time. Life is, after all, an everyday affair. We've just got to blunder through it from day to day – mostly on the low levels. Be patient with me, dear."
But, alarmed by his expression, her words stumbled and ran out. She stepped back a pace, a little flushed and tremulous.
"Hugh! No, Hugh, no!"
"Don't be afraid of me," he said, turning away. "I don't mean to bother. Only – at times – "
"I know, dear; but it must not be." She had recovered; there was cool decision in her accents. She began to move briskly round the kitchen, setting the table, preparing the meal.
He made no attempt to reason with her, but sat quietly waiting. His rôle was patience, tolerance, strength restrained in waiting…
"Shall you make a fire again to-night?" she asked, when they had concluded the meal.
"In three places," he said. "We'll not stay another day for want of letting people know we're here."
She looked down, shyly. Coquetry with her was instinctive, irrepressible. Her vague, provoking smile edged her lips:
"You – you want to be rid of me again, so soon, Hugh?"
He bent over the table with a set face, silent until his undeviating gaze caught and held her eyes.
"Mary," he said slowly, "I want you. I mean to have you. Only by getting away from this place will that be possible. You must come to me of your own will."
She made the faintest negative motion of her head, her eyes fixed to his in fascination.
"You will," he insisted, in the same level tone. "If you love me, as you say, you must… No – that's nonsense I won't listen to! Renunciation is a magnificent and noble thing, but it must have a sane excuse… You said a while ago, this was a commonplace world, life an everyday affair. It is. The only thing that lifts it out of the deadly, intolerable rut is this wonderful thing man has invented and named Love. Without it we are as Nature made us – brute things crawling and squabbling in blind squalor. But love lifts us a little above that: love is supernatural, the only thing in all creation that rises superior to nature. There's no such thing as a life accursed; no such thing as a life that blights; there are no malign and vicious forces operating outside the realm of natural forces: love alone is supreme, subject to no known laws. I mean to prove it to you; I mean to show you how little responsible you have been in any way for the misfortunes that have overtaken men who loved you; I shall show you that I am far more blameworthy than you… And when I have done that, you will come to me."
"I am afraid," she whispered breathlessly – "I am afraid I shall."
He rose. "Till then, my dearest girl, don't, please don't ever shrink from me again. I may not be able to dissemble my love, but until your fears are done away with, your mind at rest, no act of mine, within my control, shall ever cause you even so much as an instant's annoyance or distress."
His tone changed. "I'll go now and build my fires. When you are ready – ?"
"I shan't be long," she said.
But for long after he had left her, she lingered moveless by a window, her gaze following him as he moved to and fro: her face now wistful, now torn by distress, now bright with longing. Strong passions contended within her – love and fear, joy and regret; at times crushing apprehensions of evil darkened her musings, until she could have cried out with the torment of her fears; and again intimations possessed her of exquisite beauty, warming and ennobling her heart, all but persuading her.
At length, sighing, she lighted the lamp and went about her tasks, with a bended head, wondering and frightened, fearfully questioning her own inscrutable heart. Was it for this only that she had fought herself all through that day: that she should attain an outward semblance of calm so complete as to deceive even herself, so frail as to be rent away and banished completely by the mere tones of his mastering voice? Was she to know no rest? Was it to be her fate to live out her days in yearning, eating her heart alone, feeding with sighs the passing winds? Or was she too weary to hold by her vows? Was she to yield and, winning happiness, in that same instant encompass its destruction?..
When it was quite dark, Whitaker brought a lantern to the door and called her, and they went forth together.
As he had promised, he had built up three towering pyres, widely apart. When all three were in full roaring flame, their illumination was hot and glowing over all the upland. It seemed impossible that the world should not now become cognizant of their distress.
At some distance to the north of the greatest fire – that nearest the farm-house – they sat as on the previous night, looking out over the black and unresponsive waters, communing together in undertones.
In that hour they learned much of one another: much that had seemed strange and questionable assumed, in the understanding of each, the complexion of the normal and right. Whitaker spoke at length and in much detail of his Wilful Missing years without seeking to excuse the wrong-minded reasoning which had won him his own consent to live under the mask of death. He told of the motives that had prompted his return, of all that had happened since in which she had had no part – with a single reservation. One thing he kept back: the time for that was not yet.
A listener in his turn, he heard the history of the little girl of the Commercial House breaking her heart against the hardness of life in what at first seemed utterly futile endeavour to live by her own efforts, asking nothing more of the man who had given her his name. To make herself worthy of that name, so that, living or dead, he might have no cause to be ashamed of her or to regret the burden he had assumed: this was the explanation of her fierce striving, her undaunted renewal of the struggle in the face of each successive defeat, her renunciation of the competence his forethought had provided for her. So also – since she would take nothing from her husband – pride withheld her from asking anything of her family or her friends. She cut herself off utterly from them all, fought her fight alone.
He learned of the lean years of drifting from one theatrical organization to another, forced to leave them one by one by conditions impossible and intolerable, until Ember found her playing ingenue parts in a mean provincial stock company; of the coming of Max, his interest in her, the indefatigable pains he had expended coaching her to bring out the latent ability his own genius divined; of the initial performance of "Joan Thursday" before a meagre and indifferent audience, her instant triumph and subsequent conquest of the country in half a dozen widely dissimilar rôles; finally of her decision to leave the stage when she married, for reasons comprehensible, demanding neither exposition nor defence.
"It doesn't matter any longer," she commented, concluding: "I loved and I hated it. It was deadly and it was glorious. But it no longer matters. It is finished: Sara Law is no more."
"You mean never to go back to the stage?"
"Never."
"And yet – " he mused craftily.
"Never!" She fell blindly into his trap. "I promised myself long ago that if ever I became a wife – "
"But you are no wife," he countered.
"Hugh!"
"You are Mrs. Whitaker – yes; but – "
"Dear, you are cruel to me!"
"I think it's you who would be cruel to yourself, dear heart."
She found no ready answer; was quiet for a space; then stirred, shivering. Behind them the fires were dying; by contrast a touch of chill seemed to pervade in the motionless air.
"I think," she announced, "we'd better go in."
She rose without assistance, moved away toward the house, paused and returned.
"Hugh," she said gently, with a quaver in her voice that wounded his conceit in himself; for he was sure it spelled laughter at his expense and well-merited – "Hugh, you big sulky boy! get up this instant and come back to the house with me. You know I'm timid. Aren't you ashamed of yourself?"
"I suppose so," he grumbled, rising. "I presume it's childish to want the moon – and sulk when you find you can't have it."
"Or a star?"
He made no reply; but his very silence was eloquent. She attempted a shrug of indifference to his disapproval, but didn't convince even herself; and when he paused before entering the house for one final look into the north, she waited on the steps above him.
"Nothing, Hugh?" she asked in a softened voice.
"Nothing," he affirmed dully.
"It's strange," she sighed.
"Lights enough off beyond the lighthouse yonder," he complained: "red lights and green, bound east and west. But you'd think this place was invisible, from the way we're ignored. However…"
They entered the kitchen.
"Well – however?" she prompted, studying his lowering face by lamplight.
"Something'll have to be done; if they won't help us, we'll have to help ourselves."
"Hugh!" There was alarm in her tone. He looked up quickly. "Hugh, what are you thinking of?"
"Oh – nothing. But I've got to think of something."
She came nearer, intuitively alarmed and pleading. "Hugh, you wouldn't leave me here alone?"
"What nonsense!"
"Promise me you won't."
"Don't be afraid," he said evasively. "I'll be here – as always – when you wake up."
She drew a deep breath, stepped back without removing her gaze from his face, then with a gesture of helplessness took up her lamp.
"Good night, Hugh."
"Good night," he replied, casting about for his own lamp.
But when he turned back, she was still hesitating in the doorway. He lifted inquiring brows.
"Hugh…"
"Yes?"
"I trust you. Be faithful, dear."
"Thank you," he returned, not without flavour of bitterness. "I'll try to be. Good night."
She disappeared; the light of her lamp faded, flickering in the draught of the hall, stencilled the wall with its evanescent caricature of the balustrade, and was no longer visible.
"Hugh!" her voice rang from the upper floor.
He started violently out of deep abstraction, and replied inquiringly.
"You won't forget to lock the door?"
He swore violently beneath his breath; controlled his temper and responded pleasantly: "Certainly not."
Then he shut the outside door with a convincing bang.
"If this be marriage…!" He smiled his twisted smile, laughed a little quietly, and became again his normal, good-natured self, if a little unusually preoccupied.
Leaving the kitchen light turned low, he went to his own room and, as on the previous night, threw himself upon the bed without undressing; but this time with no thought of sleep. Indeed, he had no expectation of closing his eyes in slumber before the next night, at the earliest; he had no intention other than to attempt to swim to the nearest land. In the illusion of night, his judgment worked upon by his emotions, that plan which had during the afternoon suggested itself, been thoroughly considered, rejected as too desperately dangerous, and then reconsidered in the guise of their only possible chance of escape at any reasonably early date, began to assume a deceptive semblance of feasibility.
He did not try to depreciate its perils: the tides that swept through that funnel-shaped channel were unquestionably heavy: heavier than even so strong a swimmer as he should be called upon to engage; the chances of being swept out to sea were appallingly heavy. The slightest error in judgment, the least miscalculation of the turn of the tide, and he was as good as lost.
On the other hand, with a little good luck, by leaving the house shortly after moonrise, he should be able to catch the tide just as it was nearing high water. Allowing it to swing him northwest until it fulled, he ought to be a third of the way across by the time it slackened, and two-thirds of the distance before it turned seawards again. And the distance was only three miles or so.
And the situation on the island had grown unendurable. He doubted his strength to stand the torment and the provocation of another day.
Allow an hour and a half for the swim – say, two; another hour in which to find a boat; and another to row or sail back: four hours. He should be back upon the island long before dawn, even if delayed. Surely no harm could come to her in that time; surely he ought to be able to reckon on her sleeping through his absence – worn down by the stress of the day's emotions as she must certainly be. True, he had given her to understand he would not leave her; but she need not know until his return; and then his success would have earned him forgiveness.
An hour dragged out its weary length, and the half of another while he reasoned with himself, drugging his conscience and his judgment alike with trust in his lucky star. In all that time he heard no sound from the room above him; and for his part he lay quite unstirring, his whole body relaxed, resting against the trial of strength to come.
Insensibly the windows of his room, that looked eastward, filled with the pale spectral promise of the waning moon. He rose, with infinite precaution against making any noise, and looked out. The night was no less placid than the day had been. The ruins of his three beacons shone like red winking eyes in the black face of night. Beyond them the sky was like a dome of crystal, silvery green. And as he looked, an edge of silver shone on the distant rim of the waters; and then the moon, misshapen, wizened and darkling, heaved sluggishly up from the deeps.
Slowly, on tiptoes, Whitaker stole toward the door, out into the hall; at the foot of the stairs he paused, listening with every nerve tense and straining; he fancied he could just barely detect the slow, regular respiration of the sleeping woman. And he could see that the upper hallway was faintly aglow. She had left her lamp burning, the door open. Last night, though the lamp had burned till dawn, that door had been closed…
He gathered himself together again, took a single step on toward the kitchen; and then, piercing suddenly the absolute stillness within the house, a board squealed like an animal beneath his tread.
In an instant he heard the thud and patter of her footsteps above, her loud, quickened breathing as she leaned over the balustrade, looking down, and her cry of dismay: "Hugh! Hugh!"
He halted, saying in an even voice: "Yes; it is I." She had already seen him; there was no use trying to get away without her knowledge now; besides, he was no sneak-thief to fly from a cry. He burned with resentment, impatience and indignation, but he waited stolidly enough while the woman flew down the stairs to his side.
"Hugh," she demanded, white-faced and trembling, "what is the matter? Where are you going?"
He moved his shoulders uneasily, forcing a short laugh. "I daresay you've guessed it. Undoubtedly you have. Else why – " He didn't finish save by a gesture of resignation.
"You mean you were going – going to try to swim to the mainland?"
"I meant to try it," he confessed.
"But, Hugh – your promise?"
"I'm sorry, Mary; I didn't want to promise. But you see … this state of things cannot go on. Something has got to be done. It's the only way I know of. I – I can't trust myself – "
"You'd leave me here while you went to seek death – !"
"Oh, it isn't as dangerous as all that. If you'd only been asleep, as I thought you were, I'd've been back before you knew anything about it."
"I should have known!" she declared passionately. "I was asleep, but I knew the instant you stirred. Tell me; how long did you stand listening here, to learn if I was awake or not?"
"Several minutes."
"I knew it, though I was asleep, and didn't waken till the board squeaked. I knew you would try it – knew it from the time when you quibbled and evaded and wouldn't give me a straight promise. Oh, Hugh, my Hugh, if you had gone and left me…!"
Her voice shook and broke. She swayed imperceptibly toward him, then away, resting a shoulder against the wall and quivering as though she would have fallen but for that support. He found himself unable to endure the reproach of those dark and luminous eyes set in the mask of pallor that was her face in the half-light of the hallway. He looked away, humbled, miserable, pained.
"It's too bad," he mumbled. "I'm sorry you had to know anything about it. But … it can't be helped, Mary. You've got to brace up. I won't be gone four hours at the longest."
"Four hours!" She stood away from the wall, trembling in every limb. "Hugh, you – you don't mean – you're not going —now?"
He nodded a wretched, makeshift affirmation.
"It must be done," he muttered. "Please – "
"But it must not be done! Hugh!" Her voice ascended "I – I can't let you. I won't let you! You … It'll be your death – you'll drown. I shall have let you go to your death – "
"Oh, now, really – " he protested.
"But, Hugh, I know it! I feel it here." A hand strayed to rest, fluttering, above her heart. "If I should let you go … Oh, my dear one, don't, don't go!"
"Mary," he began hoarsely, "I tell you – "
"You're only going, Hugh, because … because I love you so I … I am afraid to let you love me. That's true, isn't it? Hugh – it's true?"
"I can't stay …" he muttered with a hang-dog air.
She sought support of the wall again, her body shaken by dry sobbing that it tore his heart to hear. "You – you're really going – ?"
He mumbled an almost inaudible avowal of his intention.
"Hugh, you're killing me! If you leave me – "
He gave a gesture of despair and capitulation.
"I've done my best, Mary. I meant to do the right thing. I – "
"Hugh, you mean you won't go?" Joy from a surcharged heart rang vibrant in every syllable uttered in that marvellous voice.
But now he dared meet her eyes. "Yes," he said, "I won't go" – nodding, with an apologetic shadow of his twisted smile. "I can't if … if it distresses you."
"Oh, my dear, my dear!"
Whitaker started, staggered with amaze, and the burden of his wife in his arms. Her own arms clipped him close. Her fragrant tear-gemmed face brushed his. He knew at last the warmth of her sweet mouth, the dear madness of that first caress.
The breathless seconds spun their golden web of minutes. They did not move. Round them the silence sang like the choiring seraphim…
Then through the magical hush of that time when the world stood still, the thin, clear vibrations of a distant hail:
"Aho-oy!"
In his embrace his wife stiffened and lifted her head to listen like a startled fawn. As one their hearts checked, paused, then hammered wildly. With a common impulse they started apart.
"You heard – ?"
"Listen!" He held up a hand.
This time it rang out more near and most unmistakable:
"Ahoy! The house, ahoy!"
With the frenzied leap of a madman, Whitaker gained the kitchen door, shook it, controlled himself long enough to draw the bolt, and flung out into the dim silvery witchery of the night. He stood staring, while the girl stole to his side and caught his arm. He passed it round her, lifted the other hand, dumbly pointed toward the northern beach. For the moment he could not trust himself to speak.
In the sweep of the anchorage a small white yacht hovered ghostlike, broadside to the island, her glowing ports and green starboard lamp painting the polished ebony of the still waters with the images of many burning candles.
On the beach itself a small boat was drawn up. A figure in white waited near it. Issuing from the deserted fishing settlement, rising over the brow of the uplands, moved two other figures in white and one in darker clothing, the latter leading the way at a rapid pace.
With one accord Whitaker and his wife moved down to meet them. As they drew together, the leader of the landing party checked his pace and called:
"Hello there! Who are you? What's the meaning of your fires – ?"
Mechanically Whitaker's lips uttered the beginning of the response: "Shipwrecked – signalling for help – "
"Whitaker!" the voice of the other interrupted with a jubilant shout. "Thank God we've found you!"
It was Ember.
