Kitabı oku: «Life bumps, how to correct», sayfa 2

Chapter 2 – Conflicts to conflict

A week had passed since that altercation. Robert reconciled with his wife, but his relationship with his mother-in-law still left a lot to be desired, and there was still a residue from the words spoken that night. It seemed to everyone that the evening was somehow strange, incomprehensible to anyone and a turning point. Something was gradually dying away, like fog with the first rays of the sun. His love, tenderness, affection for Alice, for Mary, his wife, the mother of his child, was gradually receding into the background. The daily grind at work, the routine of his relationships became a burden that hung like a weight, preventing, as it seemed to Robert, to lift his spirits. From time to time it occurred to me that perhaps the family was the factor that not only killed Robert’s desire to change something in his life, but also fueled his despondency.

Of course, he kept these thoughts to himself, tried not to succumb to them, didn’t want to believe that any of it could be true. But the thoughts, like tectonic magma, were breaking through and would one day have to come out with a deafening force and roar. But right now it was easier for him to get away from thinking and immerse himself in the endless routine of work and family affairs.

“Beloved” mother-in-law, an uncompromising old woman, both after the scandalous evening and on this Thursday morning as if nothing had happened, came to help her daughter around the house. When she saw that the borscht had been left on the stove uneaten by anyone, she burst into a storm of emotions, expressed her displeasure to her daughter by telephone, and, since dinner was ready for the evening, she began to sweep and scrub the floors in her daughter’s apartment. Elizabeth perceived cooking and cleaning her son-in-law’s and daughter’s apartment as her immediate duty, not realizing that by doing so she was interfering with normal family life, not only for her daughter, but also for her young husband.

Everything was as usual. The scandal was just background noise that had no effect on what was going on. The mother-in-law would come to their apartment, cook dinner, help with the cleaning, give instructions about her granddaughter’s upbringing, and babysit her. And then she would take Alice to vocals or art school and then go back to sit in the kitchen until her favorite son-in-law arrived. It may even have seemed that there was a second wife in the house – a kind of caring altruist. But no. Every night in the kitchen sat not a kind angel, but an old, nervous madam, which more and more irritated Robert. But he could not cope with her negative influence.

All week Robert came home from work, listened to the conversations of his mother-in-law and could not be alone with his wife. After leaving Elizabeth, there were only a few minutes to have a few phrases with his wife about the upcoming plans, take a shower and sink into a sound sleep. Robert even began to think that it could not be otherwise. The routine of family life had brought the man to automatic behavior. Sometimes his emotions ran high, and sometimes his wife even thought he was hugging her, but he was hugging her, rather unconsciously, in his sleep. She, too, was no longer expecting anything, and seemed to be guided by a sense of duty – after all, they had a child and responsibilities. The relationship had become a kind of quintessential mutual obligation.

Yes, and the job is just as strange, but even more ridiculous routine, which was even more annoying than the old mother-in-law. The head teacher of the school was a “shitwork”. Robert was constantly making the other teachers do the work that, in his own opinion, was not really good for a teacher. Every day filled a lot of papers: reports, curricula, documents for preparation for contests, examinations, attestations. Paperwork, work with scholarly tables, schedules, checking and rechecking teachers’ reports, calls, letters, administrative duties, trips to meetings, and all that stuff had long ceased to be activities that brought satisfaction. It became obvious that this kind of work was disappointing to the young principal, and was gradually killing off the fervor of his idealism. Where had his desire to change the school system, to put it on a normal human footing, gone?

What struck Robert the most was his colleagues’ indifference to his innovations. Recently they had been asked to convert most of the teachers’ documentation into electronic form. But to do that they had to literally force all teachers to work in the electronic system. Young teachers had no problem accepting the innovation. But older colleagues reacted skeptically. Oil in the fire poured and the principal, who not only didn’t want to help Robert, but sometimes even interfered, played a double game, thus undermining the authority of the head teacher in the school community.

Recently an unfortunate incident happened at work, which not only caused a storm of indignation in Robert, but in general, as it seemed at the time, exposed the hopelessness of the system of education in the school.

Everything happened, as always, unexpectedly. Robert’s daughter Alice, a creative person, began to take her studies more than responsibly in first grade. On the one hand, it was influenced by the fact that her father worked as head teacher at school, but on the other hand, the girl understood with all seriousness the importance of learning, which she liked it. One thing only hindered her from school: the girl had certain problems with the teacher about her appearance. Alice always dressed like a creative person. Even at the age of six, she learned how to make herself fashionable hairstyles, was interested in extravagant skirts, colorful T-shirts, etc. Not to say that the girl’s appearance was excessively flamboyant, but caused some attention not only from teachers, but also from classmates. But Alice liked to be special, and most importantly, her father supported her desire to be a person, to show her individuality, to develop a sense of love for her desires, hobbies, and values.

One day after a meeting at the principal’s office, when Robert was left to deal with other tasks with the supervisor, Alice’s teacher walked into the office and arrogantly said:

– Oh, how good of you to be here! I would like to talk about your daughter’s appearance. This is unacceptable!

– What is unacceptable? – Robert clarified calmly.

– The way she dresses. You as head teacher understand us perfectly well, – she stressed the word “us” defiantly. “What did she mean? Us, the teachers, or me and the principal?” – flashed through Robert’s mind.

– I see nothing wrong here, my daughter’s appearance does not interfere with her studies, on the contrary, it reflects her creative personality. She is the most responsible student in the class, and you have never made any remarks about her.

– What do you mean – it wasn’t? I had comments about her appearance all the time. Back in kindergarten I brought her hair and clothes to your attention. Children in the class and their parents wondered if others could dress the same way. And if they follow her example? – the teacher continued indignantly, glancing at the principal, who at that moment had definitely chosen the side of the indignant teacher, but was waiting for the right moment to make her final word.

– They won’t dress like my daughter, the parents don’t have the will, and the children don’t have the intelligence or imagination. Now they just have to accept my girl for who she is. I’m not going to forbid her to dress the way she wants, – answered Robert confidently, turning away from the principal toward the teacher standing by the door.

– Mr. Robert, I don’t like the way your daughter dresses either. This is an educational institution, not a brothel. We have white tops and black bottoms. Your daughter should understand that and dress according to the school charter, – said the principal, leaning on the table with her elbows. Her decisive word was more than offensive and unfair and inexorably led to an increase in the degree of scandal. Robert had to defend his principles and the honor of his daughter.

– In the brothel, too, they can dress in school uniforms. The only difference: it isn’t children who work there. My daughter has been dressing like this since kindergarten, she has a taste for all things creative, she plays skits, sings beautifully, draws constantly and is engaged in modeling new dresses. I find it useful and I’m not going to change anything! – was the adamant response.

The disagreement with the principal’s opinion caused misunderstanding on the part of both the principal and the elementary school teacher. However, Robert had a strange desire to rebel against his superiors, as well as the educational system as a whole.

The scandal escalated. The trio argued for a long time about how to dress Alice. The principal immediately recalled not only all the miscalculations of the young head teacher, but also the unfulfilled work tasks. It seemed that the abyss opened up and out of it poured out all the bile, pain, and frustration. Robert was on edge, defending himself, protecting his daughter, responding to the director’s aggression with no less stinging aggression. In the end, when he came out, the feeling of disappointment in his work and a desire to quickly get out of the school didn’t leave him. But there was no way out, the second shift had begun, and he had three more classes in high school. The conflict had to be swallowed and he had to go to class.

A new conflict with the principal didn’t take long. Literally the next day at the same time the vice principal came into his office with the information that he had to talk urgently with a 10th grader who was a candidate for expulsion from school because of her appearance. Unlike his daughter, who dressed decently, though creatively torn skirts, complete with embroidered T-shirts, the tenth-grader had an indecent appearance.

Diana (that was her name) stood in the principal’s office in a cathouse outfit: black fishnet tights, a leather short skirt, and a tattered gray T-shirt. The candidate for expulsion was frightened to look around. She knew that Mr. Robert, though not a supporter of such clothes, but he didn’t consider it a disaster.

The conversation began with the director:

– See, that’s what the creative nature can lead to. We warned Diana, as you know, many times, we called her mother, and you remember, even you participated in our conversation last week. But to no avail, we will have to take measures. This kind of appearance is unacceptable in our school. What do you have to say about it, Robert?

Robert understood everything. It was a stone in his own backyard as well. The principal had created conditions under which he had to agree with her. And then the girl would be expelled. But by agreeing with the principal, he would lose, and the whole exchange yesterday would become meaningless. Robert preferred not to play this game:

– Mrs. Marble, – he began to answer the director, – I can understand why you invited me here. I think: it is unprofessional, using the precedent with Diana, to hint at my situation, thereby humiliating me. My opinion about my daughter remains the same. As for Diana, I will say the following: I would not want her to be expelled from school because of her appearance, especially since she has leveled off in her studies and is making significant progress in history and social studies.

Mr. Robert’s words produced a mixed reaction. The principal was extremely unhappy with her vice-principal, including the way he harshly answered her and thereby raised his credibility in the eyes of the student. Mrs. Marble had long wanted to expel Diana from the school, and now she needed Robert’s consent, which she didn’t get. As for Diana, she sat silent, looking at the floor, and it was obvious that she was very bad and ashamed right now. Ashamed, in part, because she respected her teacher very much and didn’t want to cause him any trouble. But it was his words about her success in her studies that really stuck with her. She had already made up her mind: if she was not expelled, she would dress differently and study hard.

But Diana was expelled. The girl is now in the gymnasium, where she is supposed to spend her free time with her classmates, who are going to take her to the kindergarten for the rest of her life. Robert found out about it the next day during the lesson, when the children told him everything. Rage, anger – these were the feelings that were eating away at the good soul of Robert. He no longer thought about the lesson, about education, about upbringing. He wanted to rebel, he wanted to be angry, he wanted to show the principal, the teachers, the whole educational system his indignation. To work not for the good, but in spite of it – that’s what this whole situation was pushing toward.

Consumed with these feelings Robert was sitting in his office, thinking about the absurdity and stupidity of what had happened, when the phone beeped, announcing the arrival of a text message. Robert read the text message and smiled. The message was from Diana: “Thanks for believing in me. I’ll get better at another school.” “There’s still hope,” – Robert noted to himself. And he felt a little better.

Robert’s defeat in this story was defining. He was angry at everything: at the principal, at the education system, at the teachers. But the most disgusting feeling he felt for himself. The disappointment, the senseless waste of time at work, the nervous atmosphere at home – all of this combined to upset him even more. He still had a few days of work left before the end of the week, but he felt no desire to do anything at all. He had no energy for anything. Everything seemed pointless and empty.

Tonight Robert wanted to spend time in a bar, and for some reason he remembered the times when he used to drink with friends, or rather with one friend. And it was him that Robert decided to call.

The conversation was short and brief:

– Hi, George. How are you?

– Hi, fine, and how are you? – The voice of an old friend inspired and cheered up a despondent Robert.

– You know, I don’t want to burden you. I’d just like to meet you the other day.

– Great, I’m all for it! Listen, let’s do it tonight, if you don’t have work.

– Yeah, tonight’s really good. Then let’s do it at our place.

– All right, it’s a deal, buddy.

Robert’s friend George was happy to meet them and was clearly in a positive mood. Apparently, something had really changed in his life. Robert and him often “hung out” in different bars, and most often in three. But this time the choice fell on a small and quiet place in the center of the city.

The bar where Robert and his friend spent their evenings was what they called “the colorful place. Robert was a teacher at the time, and George worked part-time somewhere from time to time. The bar was called “Solo Rock”. It occupied the ground floor of a big house on the main street and had a really racy and brutal design. Its dark walls reeked of a pleasant smoky smell. There was a stage in the bar, on which from time to time some youth groups played. The owner was a fan of rock, so there was never any quiet music in the place. And this was not necessary for men who came here to have a “cultural rest”, to listen or tell stories, pour out the soul of an unfamiliar drinking companion … And in general Robert, as a capital intellectual, liked the fact that visitors didn’t get drunk here. And the aura of this bar with a male character was full of empathy and solidarity.

The music of the 90s was playing tonight. As usual, Robert was the first to arrive at the bar. He bought two bottles of beer, asked about the local alcoholic ration, and waited for his buddy. “Hmm, nothing changes, how nice that many things remain, and that’s a good thing,” – he noted to himself. The bar was indeed the same, and had hardly changed in the three years since he and George had last met, except for the revamped stage, where teenagers, apparently a local amateur band, were already bustling about. So, it will be interesting. Robert’s mood brightened up noticeably.

Here comes George, he, as usual, made his friend wait a little longer. “And that doesn’t change,” – Robert noted with a smile as he watched his buddy swiftly descend the stairs straight to him.

– Hey, buddy, good to see you. Our place, as I see it, has not changed, – George looked around, and an enthusiastic smile appeared on his big red face. – So, tell me what happened. I could smell the negativity coming from you last week. Tell me, Robert. Beer is just the beginning, as I remember.

– Yeah, you’re right, George. I’ve been having a hard time lately, no, it’s so fucked up that I can’t digest it all in peace anymore.

– Tell us, buddy,” George said loudly, and then he swallowed his foamy drink and looked directly at Robert, as he always liked to do.

Sometimes it’s hard for a man to complain about life, and this stereotype does not allow to get rid of problems. On the contrary, pain and aggression only accumulate and lead to despondency. Robert was just in that state, when a black streak in life seemed to threaten to turn into a prolonged depression.

That’s why he told his friend everything. About the disgusting psychological state, which was connected with work, or rather disappointment in it, about the aggression toward the principal and teachers. He told about his daughter and about that girl from the tenth grade. About his wife, whose relationship with her was on the verge of total discord and, possibly, divorce. About the talented daughter who was forced to hear the scandals at home, see the sad father and the angry mother. He told, of course, about his mother-in-law, who he felt was causing a lot of trouble in his family. He would have gladly forbidden her to visit them and, in order to see her less often, was already ready to move to another part of town, closer to his wife’s work. Only this would have led to the apparent collapse of the relationship, because his mother-in-law had a very strong influence on his wife and daughter. The planned conversation with his friend turned into a solid monologue, in which Robert poured out and poured out his soul, while George, finishing his third bottle of beer, listened to him attentively with an unflappable expression, which inspired confidence and joy that understanding and male solidarity in everything would be provided for Robert.

– Yeah. That’s a dead end, no, I’d even say it’s a trap, and you’re in it, my friend. But I’ll tell you this: there’s a way out of everything. And you can look at all the stories that have happened to you now from two angles. This is a crisis, and there is a way out of it. I was listening to you just now, and I realized one thing: you have to get out of this pit by changing your thinking. Look at me. You remember what I was like before.

And it’s true that George has changed a lot. He’s become a businessman, he wears a suit. And this is only two years after they stopped communicating for some unknown reason. Now George has an active life position, he is engaged in his favorite occupation, he has a positive attitude and is very friendly with those with whom he didn’t communicate for two years. But it could have been different. Robert finally swallowed the already warm beer and looked at his friend. Yes, George, the convinced drunkard and weirdo, had changed noticeably. Now Robert wanted to hear his story.

But George wasn’t much of a talker; he got right down to business:

– Remember, I told you back at the pizzeria about the psychologist. Well, she helped me a lot, or rather her methods. Training and communication with her changed me. In a short time I pumped up and now with pleasure go to counseling. Maybe you should try it, eh? It can’t hurt. She’s a cool chick, believe me.

Robert agreed that it did make sense to go to training sessions, or at least to try. In any case, it would not be worse, and George had shown by his own example that a non-serious drunkard could well turn into a businessman and a positive person. It is definitely necessary to dial the number from the business card and make an appointment. Especially since she will be in town for another month.

They drank another mug of beer and parted ways in the evening. Everyone went about his business. George, apparently, went to visit that interesting lady, with whom, judging by the conversations, he had met quite recently. And Robert went to his wife. He remembered her unhappy face, the dull kitchen with all the things going on that he absolutely didn’t want to go back to. “I’ll call the psychologist’s office today and make an appointment,” – he decided.

At the same time, everything around him was so in tune with positive thoughts. It was dark outside, but so unusual, as in principle does not happen in the first days of December, – without precipitation and clear. Normally disinclined to romance, Robert drove leisurely, and from time to time he looked up at the starry sky. “Yes, placers of stars can only be seen so well in a small town, which you can’t see in a stuffy metropolis,” it thought. And he remembered his high school and college days, when Robert walked irrepressibly toward his dream, participated in dozens of projects, tuning in to the frenetic pace of the big city. How active he was then and didn’t know what depression was, which could have been about to consume him, and maybe already had.

With these thoughts, with thoughts of a possible visit to his mother in Moscow alone or with his family during the winter vacations, he parked the car, fumbled for the intercom keychain, and headed confidently toward his apartment. Yes, definitely more confident than usual. But confidence was quickly replaced by confusion, as from behind a tightly closed door he heard the commanding sound of his mother-in-law’s voice. She was doing what she called “pedagogical work” with her favorite granddaughter:

– It isn’t good to watch cartoons for a long time! And don’t mind!

Alice’s voice could not be heard, but that was not what angered Robert so much. He was literally dumbfounded by the next words:

– She must have learned from Daddy to argue with everyone! He may soon be fired because of his constant arguments! You, too.

When the coat was hung up and the briefcase was put in its usual place, Robert was already boiling with anger and indignation. Of course, he realized that his attacks on his mother-in-law were akin to pinpricks, but still he saw no other way to fix the situation, or simply didn’t know about it.

– How can you say that! – he blurted out as he swiftly entered his daughter’s room, where the action was unfolding.

And, most surprising of all, Elizabeth was only for a moment embarrassed, realizing that she had been caught unawares.

– What? – she began, gathering all her confidence and arching her back a little. – Your daughter is restless and wants to have fun all the time when her mother isn’t home. No, of course, I understand Maryenka, she works hard, and she has a night shift tonight. But the remark I have to make, who else …

“A favorite trick,” – thought Robert bitterly. His mother-in-law very skillfully avoided answering, moving on to discuss the shortcomings of other people. And, as always, didn’t pay attention to his objections.

– And so tonight, since I’m staying overnight, I’ll make sure that the lessons are learned.

Alice looked pleadingly at her father. And he also looked directly into her eyes. Father and daughter knew perfectly well that who but Alice deserved a vacation, especially on a Friday. Maybe the beer, maybe George’s words, maybe the special atmosphere of the evening, maybe the resentment that had been repressed for many months against the malicious interference of Elizabeth in the upbringing of her first-grade daughter made itself felt, and he answered rather rudely:

– That isn’t for you to decide.

“One missed opportunity is enough,” – he thought of the expelled student. And Alice, hearing the sudden words of support, even squirmed, pulling up her legs in pink tights on the couch and wrapping her arms around them. Robert continued:

– She won’t be doing any homework today. And you’d better go home and get some rest, it’s been a hard day for everyone.

– How? – That’s all the mother-in-law could say. – As if you, Robert, were able to take care of her, as if you could cook… – But she could not finish as he raised his voice at her for the first time in her life.

– Yes, I can, very much so! Stop treating me like a boy!

And suddenly Robert took the remote control from the TV and made the sound in the cartoon about the Three Heroes even louder, so that the roar of the battle with the Dragon Gorynych began to fill the room.

Elizabeth’s chin trembled, she shrank somehow, squinted. Robert barely knew what came over him, but in his heart was aware that the battle he had won would certainly be lost, because there are two women in the family and one actively supports the other in everything.

– Stop talking like that! I have done so much for your family! If it weren’t for me, you would have split up long ago, and Alice wouldn’t be so talented and clever!

– No, – in Robert’s voice became steely notes, – it’s not your merit. It’s late, it’s time for you to go.

The TV rattled across the room, and everyone in it was silent. The mother-in-law didn’t recover from such aggressive and unaccustomed treatment so quickly. It took her three minutes to digest what had been said, to realize that she had just been kicked out of the apartment. Afterwards, taking her favorite shawl from the couch, leaving the room, she said one last word, as always:

– Black is your ingratitude, Robert! You have no conscience.

He was silent. There were no more words. Gathering up her things and dressing hurriedly, Elizabeth disappeared behind the door. She was gone. But it didn’t become calmer. It didn’t become calmer even when he returned to the room, drank tea with his daughter, looked at the new outfits she had made for the dolls, and then, after bathing her, put her to bed. Everything seemed to be going well. A perfect evening. And he acted like it was the right thing to do. Or did he? Many questions swirled in Robert’s mind, even then swirled, when, going to bed, he dialed a number from his business card and wrote it in the phone book.

Already in Saturday morning, just a couple of beeps later, a cheerful and pleasant female voice answered:

– Jessica Highlander’s office, listening. Are you on a trial training?

– Yes, that’s right, for training.

– The appointment will take place tomorrow at 11:00. We will be glad to see you. Please state your name and patronymic.

– Mr. Robert.

A few seconds later it was registered, the recording was complete. With a feeling of slight uncertainty Robert returned to the room to his daughter, who, hugging a stuffed rabbit named Venya, was watching a cartoon with interest. He sat down next to her, sat like that for a while, but after a while he went to the kitchen. He wanted to do something to occupy himself, to kill time. He boiled the kettle, cut a loaf into small slices and smeared them with melted cheese. His daughter loved such a simple and tasty treat. He varied the treat with a couple of sugar cookies left over from the day before, and, as soon as the tea was brewed, he took them all into the room. Satisfied that she could rest, her daughter happily took up the food and ate everything he offered her with unprecedented vigor.

– Daddy, may I sleep in your room with Mummy tonight? Please, – Alice asked, smiling and bouncing slightly on the couch. – Your blanket is so soft, and Venya really likes it, too.

Asking for something, the girl always slightly squinted her eyes, which made her incredibly similar to her mother. The striking resemblance to Mary always somewhat amused Robert, as my daughter became at such moments isn’t in a childish seriousness. Almost nothing so he could not refuse her, and Alice so rarely asked for something with such enthusiasm.

– Let’s go, of course. And we could even read before going to bed.

The rest of the evening was wonderful. As cozy as it’s rarely been. No quarrels or scandals, no unsolvable problems, no difficult thoughts. They drank tea, then read “The Wizard of Oz” at bedtime. Surprisingly, Robert fell asleep easily and easily. Tomorrow was going to be a hard but interesting day. Deep in his heart he hoped that everything that was happening would be resolved very soon.