Kitabı oku: «Plays: Lady Frederick, The Explorer, A Man of Honour», sayfa 2

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Lady Frederick

Very well, we'll have no high falutin! You may tell Lady Mereston that if I really wanted the money I shouldn't be such an idiot as to take forty thousand down when I can have fifty thousand a year for the asking.

Fouldes

I told her that.

Lady Frederick

You showed great perspicacity. Now for the second card.

Fouldes

My dear, it's no good getting into a paddy over it.

Lady Frederick

I've never been calmer in my life.

Fouldes

You always had the very deuce of a temper. I suppose you've not given Charlie a sample of it yet, have you?

Lady Frederick

[Laughing.] Not yet.

Fouldes

Well, the second card's your reputation.

Lady Frederick

But I haven't got any. I thought that such an advantage.

Fouldes

You see Charlie is a young fool. He thinks you a paragon of all the virtues, and it's never occurred to him that you've rather gone the pace in your time.

Lady Frederick

It's one of my greatest consolations to think that even a hundred horse-power racing motor couldn't be more rapid than I've been.

Fouldes

Still it'll be rather a shock to Charlie when he hears that this modest flower whom he trembles to adore has…

Lady Frederick

Very nearly eloped with his own uncle. But you won't tell him that story because you hate looking a perfect ass.

Fouldes

Madam, when duty calls, Paradine Fouldes consents even to look ridiculous. But I was thinking of the Bellingham affair.

Lady Frederick

Ah, of course, there's the Bellingham affair. I'd forgotten it.

Fouldes

Nasty little business that, eh?

Lady Frederick

Horrid.

Fouldes

Don't you think it would choke him off?

Lady Frederick

I think it very probable.

Fouldes

Well, hadn't you better cave in?

Lady Frederick

[Ringing the bell.] Ah, but you've not seen my cards yet. [A servant enters.] Tell my servant to bring down the despatch-box which is on my writing-table.

SERVANT.

Yes, miladi.

[Exit.

Fouldes

What's up now?

Lady Frederick

Well, four or five years ago I was staying at this hotel, and Mimi la Bretonne had rooms here.

Fouldes

I never heard of the lady, but her name suggests that she had an affectionate nature.

Lady Frederick

She was a little singer at the Folies Bergères, and she had the loveliest emeralds I ever saw.

Fouldes

But you don't know Maud's.

Lady Frederick

The late Lord Mereston had a passion for emeralds. He always thought they were such pure stones.

Fouldes

[Quickly.] I beg your pardon?

Lady Frederick

Well, Mimi fell desperately ill, and there was no one to look after her. Of course the pious English ladies in the hotel wouldn't go within a mile of her, so I went and did the usual thing, don't you know.

[Lady Frederick's man comes in with a small despatch-box which he places on a table. He goes out. Lady Frederick as she talks, unlocks it.

Fouldes

Thank God I'm a bachelor, and no ministering angel ever smoothes my pillow when I particularly want to be left alone.

Lady Frederick

I nursed her more or less through the whole illness, and afterwards she fancied she owed me her worthless little life. She wanted to give me the precious emeralds, and when I refused was so heart-broken that I said I'd take one thing if I might.

Fouldes

And what was that?

Lady Frederick

A bundle of letters. I'd seen the address on the back of the envelope, and then I recognised the writing. I thought they'd be much safer in my hands than in hers. [She takes them out of the box and hands them to Paradine.] Here they are.

[He looks and starts violently.

Fouldes

89 Grosvenor Square. It's Mereston's writing. You don't mean? What! Ah, ah, ah. [He bursts into a shout of laughter.] The old sinner. And Mereston wouldn't have me in the house, if you please, because I was a dissolute libertine. And he was the president of the Broad Church Union. Good Lord, how often have I heard him say: "Gentlemen, I take my stand on the morality, the cleanliness and the purity of English Family Life." Oh, oh, oh.

Lady Frederick

I've often noticed that the religious temperament is very susceptible to the charms of my sex.

Fouldes

May I look?

Lady Frederick

Well, I don't know. I suppose so.

Fouldes

[Reading.] "Heart's delight"… And he signs himself, "your darling chickabiddy." The old ruffian.

Lady Frederick

She was a very pretty little thing.

Fouldes

I daresay, but thank heaven, I have some sense of decency left, and it outrages all my susceptibilities that a man in side-whiskers should call himself anybody's chickabiddy.

Lady Frederick

Protestations of undying affection are never ridiculous when they are accompanied by such splendid emeralds.

Fouldes

[Starting and growing suddenly serious.] And what about Maud?

Lady Frederick

Well?

Fouldes

Poor girl, it'd simply break her heart. He preached at her steadily for twenty years, and she worshipped the very ground he trod on. She'd have died of grief at his death except she felt it her duty to go on with his work.

Lady Frederick

I know.

Fouldes

By Jove, it's a good card. You were quite right to refuse the emeralds: these letters are twice as valuable.

Lady Frederick

Would you like to burn them?

Fouldes

Betsy!

Lady Frederick

There's the stove. Put them in.

[He takes them up in both hands and hurries to the stove. But he stops and brings them back, he throws them on the sofa.

Fouldes

No, I won't.

Lady Frederick

Why not?

Fouldes

It's too dooced generous. I'll fight you tooth and nail, but it's not fair to take an advantage over me like that. You'll bind my hands with fetters.

Lady Frederick

Very well. You've had your chance.

Fouldes

But, by Jove, you must have a good hand to throw away a card like that. What have you got – a straight flush?

Lady Frederick

I may be only bluffing, you know.

Fouldes

Lord, it does me good to hear your nice old Irish brogue again.

Lady Frederick

Faith, and does it?

Fouldes

I believe you only put it on to get over people.

Lady Frederick

[Smiling.] Begorrah, it's not easy to get over you.

Fouldes

Lord, I was in love with you once, wasn't I?

Lady Frederick

Not more than lots of other people have been.

Fouldes

And you did treat me abominably.

Lady Frederick

Ah, that's what they all said. But you got over it very well.

Fouldes

I didn't. My digestion was permanently impaired by your brutal treatment.

Lady Frederick

Is that why you went to Carlsbad afterwards instead of the Rocky Mountains?

Fouldes

You may laugh, but the fact remains that I've only been in love once, and that was with you.

Lady Frederick

[Smiling as she holds out her hand.] Good-night.

Fouldes

For all that I'm going to fight you now for all I'm worth.

Lady Frederick

I'm not frightened of you, Paradine.

Fouldes

Good-night.

[As he goes out, Captain Montgomerie enters.

Lady Frederick

[Yawning and stretching her arms.] Oh I'm so sleepy.

Captain Montgomerie

I'm sorry for that. I wanted to have a talk with you.

Lady Frederick

[Smiling.] I daresay I can keep awake for five minutes, you know – especially if you offer me a cigarette.

Captain Montgomerie

Here you are.

[He hands her his case and lights her cigarette.

Lady Frederick

[With a sigh.] Oh, what a comfort.

Captain Montgomerie

I wanted to tell you, I had a letter this morning from my solicitor to say that he's just bought Crowley Castle on my behalf.

Lady Frederick

Really. But it's a lovely place. You must ask me to come and stay.

Captain Montgomerie

I should like you to stay there indefinitely.

Lady Frederick

[With a quick look.] That's charming of you, but I never desert my London long.

Captain Montgomerie

[Smiling.] I have a very nice house in Portman Square.

Lady Frederick

[Surprised.] Really?

Captain Montgomerie

And I'm thinking of going into Parliament at the next election.

Lady Frederick

It appears to be a very delightful pastime to govern the British nation, dignified without being laborious.

Captain Montgomerie

Lady Frederick, although I've been in the service I have rather a good head for business, and I hate beating about the bush. I wanted to ask you to marry me.

Lady Frederick

It's nice of you not to make a fuss about it. I'm very much obliged but I'm afraid I can't.

Captain Montgomerie

Why not?

Lady Frederick

Well, you see, I don't know you.

Captain Montgomerie

We could spend the beginning of our married life so usefully in making one another's acquaintance.

Lady Frederick

It would be rather late in the day then to come to the conclusion that we couldn't bear the sight of one another.

Captain Montgomerie

Shall I send my banker's book so that you may see that my antecedents are respectable and my circumstances – such as to inspire affection.

Lady Frederick

I have no doubt it would be very interesting – but not to me.

[She makes as if to go.

Captain Montgomerie

Ah, don't go yet. Won't you give me some reason?

Lady Frederick

If you insist. I'm not in the least in love with you.

Captain Montgomerie

D'you think that much matters?

Lady Frederick

You're a friend of Gerald's, and he says you're a very good sort. But I really can't marry every one that Gerald rather likes.

Captain Montgomerie

He said he'd put in a good word for me.

Lady Frederick

If I ever marry again it shall be to please myself, not to please my brother.

Captain Montgomerie

I hope I shall induce you to alter your mind.

Lady Frederick

I'm afraid I can give you no hope of that.

Captain Montgomerie

You know, when I determine to do a thing, I generally do it.

Lady Frederick

That sounds very like a threat.

Captain Montgomerie

You may take it as such if you please.

Lady Frederick

And you've made up your mind that you're going to marry me?

Captain Montgomerie

Quite.

Lady Frederick

Well, I've made up mine that you shan't. So we're quits.

Captain Montgomerie

Why don't you talk to your brother about it?

Lady Frederick

Because it's no business of his.

Captain Montgomerie

Isn't it? Ask him!

Lady Frederick

What do you mean by that?

Captain Montgomerie

Ask him? Good-night.

Lady Frederick

Good-night. [He goes out. Lady Frederick goes to the French window that leads to the terrace and calls.] Gerald!

Gerald

Hulloa!

[He appears and comes into the room.

Lady Frederick

Did you know that Captain Montgomerie was going to propose to me?

Gerald

Yes.

Lady Frederick

Is there any reason why I should marry him?

Gerald

Only that I owe him nine hundred pounds.

Lady Frederick

[Aghast.] Oh, why didn't you tell me?

Gerald

You were so worried, I couldn't. Oh, I've been such a fool. I tried to make a coup for Rose's sake.

Lady Frederick

Is it a gambling debt?

Gerald

Yes.

Lady Frederick

[Ironically.] What they call a debt of honour?

Gerald

I must pay it the day after to-morrow without fail.

Lady Frederick

But that's the day my two bills fall due. And if you don't?

Gerald

I shall have to send in my papers, and I shall lose Rosie. And then I shall blow out my silly brains.

Lady Frederick

But who is the man?

Gerald

He's the son of Aaron Levitzki, the money-lender.

Lady Frederick

[Half-comic, half-aghast.] Oh lord!

END OF THE FIRST ACT

THE SECOND ACT

The scene is the same as in Act I. Admiral Carlisle is sleeping in an armchair with a handkerchief over his face. Rose is sitting on a grandfather's chair, and Gerald is leaning over the back.

Rose

Isn't papa a perfectly adorable chaperon?

[The Admiral snores.

Gerald

Perfectly.

[A pause.

Rose

I've started fifteen topics of conversation in the last quarter of an hour, Gerald.

Gerald

[Smiling.] Have you?

Rose

You always agree with me, and there's an end of it. So I have to rack my brains again.

Gerald

All you say is so very wise and sensible. Of course I agree.

Rose

I wonder if you'll think me sensible and wise in ten years.

Gerald

I'm quite sure I shall.

Rose

Why, then, I'm afraid we shan't cultivate any great brilliancy of repartee.

Gerald

Be good, sweet maid, and let who will be clever.

Rose

Oh, don't say that. When a man's in love, he at once makes a pedestal of the Ten Commandments and stands on the top of them with his arms akimbo. When a woman's in love she doesn't care two straws for Thou Shalt and Thou Shalt Not.

Gerald

When a woman's in love she can put her heart on the slide of a microscope and examine how it beats. When a man's in love, what do you think he cares for science and philosophy and all the rest of it!

Rose

When a man's in love he can only write sonnets to the moon. When a woman's in love she can still cook his dinner and darn her own stockings.

Gerald

I wish you wouldn't cap all my observations.

[She lifts up her face, and he kisses her lips.

Rose

I'm beginning to think you're rather nice, you know.

Gerald

That's reassuring, at all events.

Rose

But no one could accuse you of being a scintillating talker.

Gerald

Have you ever watched the lovers in the Park sitting on the benches hour after hour without saying a word?

Rose

Why?

Gerald

Because I've always thought that they must be bored to the verge of tears. Now I know they're only happy.

Rose

You're certainly my soldier, so I suppose I'm your nursery-maid.

Gerald

You know, when I was at Trinity College, Dublin —

Rose

[Interrupting.] Were you there? I thought you went to Oxford.

Gerald

No, why?

Rose

Only all my people go to Magdalen.

Gerald

Yes.

Rose

And I've decided that if I ever have a son he shall go there too.

[The Admiral starts and pulls the handkerchief off his face. The others do not notice him. He is aghast and astounded at the conversation. Lady Frederick comes in later and stands smiling as she listens.

Gerald

My darling, you know I hate to thwart you in any way, but I've quite made up my mind that my son shall go to Dublin as I did.

Rose

I'm awfully sorry, Gerald, but the boy must be educated like a gentleman.

Gerald

There I quite agree, Rose, but first of all he's an Irishman, and it's right that he should be educated in Ireland.

Rose

Darling Gerald, a mother's love is naturally the safest guide in these things.

Gerald

Dearest Rose, a father's wisdom is always the most reliable.

Lady Frederick

Pardon my interfering, but – aren't you just a little previous?

Admiral

[Bursting out.] Did you ever hear such a conversation in your life between a young unmarried couple?

Rose

My dear papa, we must be prepared for everything.

Admiral

In my youth young ladies did not refer to things of that sort.

Lady Frederick

Well, I don't suppose they're any the worse for having an elementary knowledge of natural history. Personally I doubt whether ignorance is quite the same thing as virtue, and I'm not quite sure that a girl makes a better wife because she's been brought up like a perfect fool.

Admiral

I am old-fashioned, Lady Frederick; and my idea of a modest girl is that when certain topics are mentioned she should swoon. Swoon, madam, swoon. They always did it when I was a lad.

Rose

Well, father, I've often tried to faint when I wanted something that you wouldn't give me, and I've never been able to manage it. So I'm sure I couldn't swoon.

Admiral

And with regard to this ridiculous discussion as to which University your son is to be sent, you seem to forget that I have the right to be consulted.

Gerald

My dear Admiral, I don't see how it can possibly matter to you.

Admiral

And before we go any further I should like you to know that the very day Rose was born I determined that her son should go to Cambridge.

Rose

My dear papa, I think Gerald and I are far and away the best judges of our son's welfare.

Admiral

The boy must work, Rose. I will have no good-for-nothing as my grandson.

Gerald

Exactly. And that is why I'm resolved he shall go to Dublin.

Rose

The important thing is that he should have really nice manners, and that they teach at Oxford if they teach nothing else.

Lady Frederick

Well, don't you think you'd better wait another twenty years or so before you discuss this?

Admiral

There are some matters which must be settled at once, Lady Frederick.

Lady Frederick

You know, young things are fairly independent nowadays. I don't know what they'll be in twenty years' time.

Gerald

The first thing the boy shall learn is obedience.

Rose. Certainly. There's nothing so hateful as a disobedient child.

Admiral

I can't see my grandson venturing to disobey me.

Lady Frederick

Then you're all agreed. So that's settled. I came to tell you your carriage was ready.

Admiral

Go and put on your bonnet, Rose. [To Lady Frederick.] Are you coming with us?

Lady Frederick

I'm afraid I can't. Au revoir.

Admiral

A tout à l'heure.

[He and Rose go out.

Gerald

Have you ever seen in your life any one so entirely delightful as Rose?

Lady Frederick

[Laughing.] Only when I've looked in the glass.

Gerald

My dear Elizabeth, how vain you are.

Lady Frederick

You're very happy, my Gerald.

Gerald

It's such a relief to have got over all the difficulties. I thought it never would come right. You are a brick, Elizabeth.

Lady Frederick

I really think I am rather.

Gerald

The moment you promised to arrange things I felt as safe as a house.

Lady Frederick

I said I'd do my best, didn't I? And I told you not to worry.

Gerald

[Turning round suddenly.] Isn't it all right?

Lady Frederick

No, it's about as wrong as it can possibly be. I knew Cohen was staying here, and I thought I could get him to hold the bills over for a few days.

Gerald

And won't he?

Lady Frederick

He hasn't got them any more.

Gerald

[Startled.] What!

Lady Frederick

They've been negotiated, and he swears he doesn't know who has them.

Gerald

But who could have been such a fool?

Lady Frederick

I don't know, that's just the awful part of it. It was bad enough before. I knew the worst Cohen could do, but now… It couldn't be Paradine.

Gerald

And then there's Montgomerie.

Lady Frederick

I shall see him to-day.

Gerald

What are you going to say to him?

Lady Frederick

I haven't an idea. I'm rather frightened of him.

Gerald

You know, dear, if the worst comes to the worst…

Lady Frederick

Whatever happens you shall marry Rose. I promise you that.

[Paradine Fouldes appears.

Fouldes

May I come in?

Lady Frederick

[Gaily.] It's a public room. I don't see how we can possibly prevent you.

Gerald

I'm just going to take a stroll.

Lady Frederick

Do.

[He goes out.

Fouldes

Well? How are things going?

Lady Frederick

Quite well, thank you.

Fouldes

I've left Charlie with his mother. I hope you can spare him for a couple of hours.

Lady Frederick

I told him he must spend the afternoon with her. I don't approve of his neglecting his filial duty.

Fouldes

Ah!.. I saw Dick Cohen this morning.

Lady Frederick

[Quickly.] Did you?

Fouldes

It seems to interest you?

Lady Frederick

Not at all. Why should it?

Fouldes

[Smiling.] Nice little man, isn't he?

Lady Frederick

[Good humouredly.] I wish I had something to throw at you.

Fouldes

[With a laugh.] Well, I haven't got the confounded bills. I was too late.

Lady Frederick

Did you try?

Fouldes

Oh – yes, I thought it would interest Charlie to know how extremely needful it was for you to marry him.

Lady Frederick

Then who on earth has got them?

Fouldes

I haven't an idea, but they must make you very uncomfortable. Three thousand five hundred, eh?

Lady Frederick

Don't say it all at once. It sounds so much.

Fouldes

You wouldn't like to exchange those letters of Mereston's for seven thousand pounds, would you?

Lady Frederick

[Laughing.] No.

Fouldes

Ah… By the way, d'you mind if I tell Charlie the full story of your – relations with me?

Lady Frederick

Why should I? It's not I who'll look ridiculous.

Fouldes

Thanks. I may avail myself of your permission.

Lady Frederick

I daresay you've noticed that Charlie has a very keen sense of humour.

Fouldes

If you're going to be disagreeable to me I shall go. [He stops.] I say, are you quite sure there's nothing else that can be brought up against you?

Lady Frederick

[Laughing.] Quite sure, thanks.

Fouldes

My sister's very jubilant to-day. What about the Bellingham affair?

Lady Frederick

Merely scandal, my friend.

Fouldes

Well, look out. She's a woman, and she'll stick at nothing.

Lady Frederick

I wonder why you warn me.

Fouldes

For the sake of old times, my dear.

Lady Frederick

You're growing sentimental, Paradine. It's the punishment which the gods inflict on a cynic when he grows old.

Fouldes

It may be, but for the life of me I can't forget that once —

Lady Frederick

[Interrupting.] My dear friend, don't rake up my lamentable past.

Fouldes

I don't think I've met any one so entirely devoid of sentiment as you are.

Lady Frederick

Let us agree that I have every vice under the sun and have done with it.

[A Servant comes in.]

Servant

Madame Claude wishes to see your ladyship.

Lady Frederick

Oh, my dressmaker.

Fouldes

Another bill?

Lady Frederick

That's the worst of Monte. One meets as many creditors as in Bond Street. Say I'm engaged.

Servant

Madame Claude says she will wait till miladi is free.

Fouldes

You make a mistake. One should always be polite to people whose bills one can't pay.

Lady Frederick

Show her in.

Servant

Yes, miladi.

[Exit Servant.

Fouldes

Is it a big one?

Lady Frederick

Oh, no; only seven hundred pounds.

Fouldes

By Jove.

Lady Frederick

My dear friend, one must dress. I can't go about in fig-leaves.

Fouldes

One can dress simply.

Lady Frederick

I do. That's why it costs so much.

Fouldes

You know, you're devilish extravagant.

Lady Frederick

I'm not. I'm content with the barest necessities of existence.

Fouldes

You've got a maid.

Lady Frederick

Of course I've got a maid. I was never taught to dress myself.

Fouldes

And you've got a footman.

Lady Frederick

I've always had a footman. And my mother always had a footman. I couldn't live a day without him.

Fouldes

What does he do for you?

Lady Frederick

He inspires confidence in tradesmen.

Fouldes

And you have the most expensive suite of rooms in the hotel.

Lady Frederick

I'm in such a dreadful mess. If I hadn't got nice rooms I should brood over it.

Fouldes

Then, as if that weren't enough, you fling your money away at the tables.

Lady Frederick

When you're as poor as I am, a few louis more or less can make absolutely no difference.

Fouldes

[With a laugh.] You're quite incorrigible.

Lady Frederick

It's really not my fault. I do try to be economical, but money slips through my fingers like water. I can't help it.

Fouldes

You want a sensible sort of a man to look after you.

Lady Frederick

I want a very rich sort of a man to look after me.

Fouldes

If you were my wife, I should advertise in the papers that I wasn't responsible for your debts.

Lady Frederick

If you were my husband, I'd advertise immediately underneath that I wasn't responsible for your manners.

Fouldes

I wonder why you're so reckless.

Lady Frederick

When my husband was alive I was so utterly wretched. And afterwards, when I looked forward to a little happiness, my boy died. Then I didn't care any more. I did everything I could to stupefy myself. I squandered money as other women take morphia – that's all.

Fouldes

It's the same dear scatter-brained, good-hearted Betsy that I used to know.

Lady Frederick

You're the only person who calls me Betsy now. To all the others I'm only Elizabeth.

Fouldes

Look here, what are you going to do with this dressmaker?

Lady Frederick

I don't know. I always trust to the inspiration of the moment.

Fouldes

She'll make a devil of a fuss, won't she?

Lady Frederick

Oh, no; I shall be quite nice to her.

Fouldes

I daresay. But won't she be very disagreeable to you?

Lady Frederick

You don't know what a way I have with my creditors.

Fouldes

I know it's not a paying way.

Lady Frederick

Isn't it? I bet you a hundred louis that I offer her the money and she refuses it.

Fouldes

I'll take that.

Lady Frederick

Here she is.

[Madame Claude enters, ushered in by the Servant. She is a stout, genteel person, very splendidly gowned, with a Cockney accent. Her face is set to sternness, decision to make a scene, and general sourness.

Servant

Madame Claude.

[Exit Servant. Lady Frederick goes up to her enthusiastically and takes both her hands.

Lady Frederick

Best of women. This is a joyful surprise.

Madame Claude

[Drawing herself up.] I 'eard quite by chance that your ladyship was at Monte.

Lady Frederick

So you came to see me at once. That was nice of you. You're the very person I wanted to see.

Madame Claude

[Significantly.] I'm glad of that, my lady, I must confess.

Lady Frederick

You dear creature. That's one advantage of Monte Carlo, one meets all one's friends. Do you know Mr. Fouldes? This is Madame Claude, an artist, my dear Paradine, a real artist.

Madame Claude

[Grimly.] I'm pleased that your ladyship should think so.

Fouldes

How d'you do.

Lady Frederick

Now, this gown. Look, look, look. In this skirt there's genius, mon cher. In the way it hangs my whole character is expressed. Observe the fullness of it, that indicates those admirable virtues which make me an ornament to Society, while the frill at the bottom just suggests those foibles – you can hardly call them faults – which add a certain grace and interest to my personality. And the flounce. Paradine, I beseech you to look at it carefully. I would sooner have designed this flounce than won the Battle of Waterloo.

Madame Claude

Your ladyship is very kind.

Lady Frederick

Not at all, not at all. You remember that rose chiffon. I wore it the other day, and the dear Archduchess came up to me and said: "My dear, my dear." I thought she was going to have a fit. But when she recovered she kissed me on both cheeks and said: "Lady Frederick, you have a dressmaker worth her weight in gold." You heard her, Paradine, didn't you?

Fouldes

You forget that I only arrived last night.

Lady Frederick

Of course. How stupid of me. She'll be perfectly delighted to hear that you're in Monte Carlo. But I shall have to break it to her gently.

Madame Claude

[Unmoved.] I'm sorry to intrude upon your ladyship.

Lady Frederick

Now what are you talking about? If you hadn't come to see me I should never have forgiven you.

Madame Claude

I wanted to have a little talk with your ladyship.

Lady Frederick

Oh, but I hope we shall have many little talks. Have you brought your motor down?

Madame Claude

Yes.

Lady Frederick

That's charming. You shall take me for a drive in it every day. I hope you're going to stay some time.

Madame Claude

That depends on circumstances, Lady Frederick. I 'ave a little business to do here.

Lady Frederick

Then let me give you one warning – don't gamble.

Madame Claude

Oh, no, my lady. I gamble quite enough in my business as it is. I never know when my customers will pay their bills – if ever.

Lady Frederick

[Slightly taken aback.] Ha, ha, ha.

Fouldes

[With a deep guffaw.] Ho, ho, ho.

Lady Frederick

Isn't she clever? I must tell that to the Archduchess. She'll be so amused. Ha, ha, ha, ha. The dear Archduchess, you know she loves a little joke. You must really meet her. Will you come and lunch? I know you'd hit it off together.

Madame Claude

[More genially.] That's very kind of your ladyship.

Lady Frederick

My dear, you know perfectly well that I've always looked upon you as one of my best friends. Now who shall we have? There's you and me and the Archduchess. Then I'll ask Lord Mereston.

Madame Claude

The Marquess of Mereston, Lady Frederick?

Lady Frederick

Yes. And Mr. Fouldes, his uncle.

Madame Claude

Excuse me, are you the Mr. Paradine Fouldes?

Fouldes

[Bowing.] At your service, madam.

Madame Claude

I'm so glad to make your acquaintance, Mr. Fouldes. [Unctuously.] I've always heard you're such a bad man.

Fouldes

Madam, you overwhelm me with confusion.

Madame Claude

Believe me, Mr. Fouldes, it's not the ladies that are married to saints who take the trouble to dress well.

Lady Frederick

Now we want a third man. Shall we ask my brother – you know Sir Gerald O'Mara, don't you? Or shall we ask Prince Doniani? Yes, I think we'll ask the Prince. I'm sure you'd like him. Such a handsome man! That'll make six.

Madame Claude

It's very kind of you, Lady Frederick, but – well, I'm only a tradeswoman, you know.

Lady Frederick

A tradeswoman? How can you talk such nonsense. You are an artist – a real artist, my dear. And an artist is fit to meet a king.

Madame Claude

Well, I don't deny that I'd be ashamed to dress my customers in the gowns I see painted at the Royal Academy.

Lady Frederick

Then it's quite settled, isn't it, Madame Claude – oh, may I call you Ada?

Madame Claude

Oh, Lady Frederick, I should be very much flattered. But how did you know that was my name?

Lady Frederick

Why you wrote me a letter only the other day.

Madame Claude

Did I?

Lady Frederick

And such a cross letter too.

Madame Claude

[Apologetically.] Oh, but Lady Frederick, that was only in the way of business. I don't exactly remember what expressions I may have made use of —

Lady Frederick

[Interrupting, as if the truth had suddenly flashed across her.] Ada! I do believe you came here to-day about my account.

Madame Claude

Oh, no, my lady, I promise you.

Lady Frederick

You did; I know you did. I see it in your face. Now that really wasn't nice of you. I thought you came as a friend.

Madame Claude

I did, Lady Frederick.

Lady Frederick

No, you wanted to dun me. I'm disappointed in you. I did think, after all the things I've had from you, you wouldn't treat me like that.

Madame Claude

But I assure your ladyship…

Lady Frederick

Not another word. You came to ask for a cheque. You shall have it.

Madame Claude

No, Lady Frederick, I wouldn't take it.

Lady Frederick

What is the exact figure, Madame Claude?

Madame Claude

I – I don't remember.

Lady Frederick

Seven hundred and fifty pounds, seventeen and ninepence. You see, I remember. You came for your cheque and you shall have it.

[She sits down and takes a pen.

Madame Claude

Now, Lady Frederick, I should look upon that as most unkind. It's treating me like a very second-rate establishment.

Lady Frederick

I'm sorry, but you should have thought of that before. Now I haven't got a cheque; how tiresome.

Madame Claude

Oh, it doesn't matter, Lady Frederick. I promise you it never entered my 'ead.

Lady Frederick

What shall I do?

Fouldes

You can write it on a sheet of paper, you know.

Lady Frederick

[With a look, aside to him.] Monster! [Aloud.] Of course I can. I hadn't thought of that. [She takes a sheet of paper.] But how on earth am I to get a stamp?