Kitabı oku: «One Tiny Miracle», sayfa 9

No matter what.

Chapter Nine

A little more than two weeks later, Maura sat with her mother on the couch in the Donovan family room. Once given the go-ahead, Bridget had wasted no time in spreading the news about Maura’s pregnancy and for the past few days, each member of her family had, in their own way, offered her advice on the matter. Whether she’d asked for it or not.

In spite of Quint’s continuing demands for her to marry him, Maura had persistently refused and all the Donovans believed she was making a mistake. Which only made her feel even more miserable about the whole predicament. As for Quint’s family, Abe was clearly disappointed in her, but his mother, Frankie, had yet to say anything. Maura figured the woman felt as though she had no right to give advice on family matters. Not after she’d made some dicey choices of her own.

“Frankly, I don’t understand you, Maura,” Fiona said as she placed her teacup and saucer on the low table in front of them. “Quint is a respectable man. He’s young and good-looking. And obviously you like him or you wouldn’t be having his baby. Why don’t you want to be his wife?”

The stubborn purse to Maura’s lips broke as she let out a heavy sigh. “Mother, of all people, you shouldn’t have to ask. You know what I went through with Gil. The humiliation, the dejection.”

Her brows arched, the regal-looking woman leaned back against the couch. “What has Gil got to do with this? Surely you’re not still carrying feelings for that hypocrite.”

Rising from the couch, Maura walked over to the paned windows overlooking a view of the mountains. Compared to Quint’s little house, the Donovan home was a lavish mansion and yet she’d felt completely comfortable there. Because he’d made the place special, she realized. He made everything special.

“Any feelings I had for Gil died a long time ago.” Anguish twisted inside her chest and she closed her eyes as she prayed for the pain to go away. “I don’t want to make another mistake, Mother. And Quint—he doesn’t really want to be married. His desire to have us legally connected is all for the baby. Nothing else. I’ve had a marriage that wasn’t based on a real love from both people and it didn’t last. I don’t want to be married to someone else who doesn’t love me.”

“And that bothers you.”

With a muffled groan, Maura turned back to Fiona. “Of course it does!” she said, then swiping a helpless hand through her hair, she walked over to where she’d left her purse on the seat of a chair. “I’d better go, Mother. I told Bridget I’d meet her for lunch at the Blue Mesa. I’m going to have to hurry now to get there.”

Quickly, Fiona rose from the couch and intercepted Maura before she could leave the room. “Darling,” she said gently, “I understand what you want and need from Quint. But sometimes it’s hard for a man to admit his feelings. Give him time.”

The pain in Maura’s chest dug deeper. “Quint doesn’t love me. Time won’t change that.” Leaning forward, she pressed a kiss on her mother’s cheek. “We’ll talk about this later.”

“Maura, please think about this carefully. If you care about Quint you should want to marry him. To try to make a life with him.”

That was exactly why she didn’t want to marry him, Maura thought. Because she loved him. Because deep down she considered his happiness far more important than hers. And he wouldn’t be a happy man if he saddled himself to her out of obligation. And he’d never said anything about a life together—or even officially asked her out in public—before she found out she was pregnant.

“Goodbye, Mother. I’ll call you soon.”

On the drive leading off the Diamond D, she met Brady in his squad car, however when he waved at her and braked the vehicle to a stop, she just smiled at him and drove on. She’d already had one relative lecturing her this morning on the subject of Quint and no doubt over lunch Bridget would put her two cents in. Maura wasn’t in the mood to deal with a third.

In Ruidoso, Maura was forced to park a block away from the Blue Mesa and walk back to the busy diner. Bridget was already there, sitting at one of the outside tables, which were all occupied by lunch-goers. She waved at Maura.

“I was lucky enough to get a table in the shade,” she said as Maura pulled out a chair opposite her younger sister. “I hope you don’t mind eating outside. The day is so lovely and I figured we could both use the fresh air.”

“I’m just thrilled that I was able to smell food this morning without running to the bathroom and retching. But to be on the safe side, I only nibbled on dry toast for breakfast. So now I’m ravenous.”

Chuckling, Bridget warned, “That will only get worse, dear sis.”

Maura was shoving her handbag under the chair just as a waiter arrived at their table. After he’d taken their orders, Bridget asked, “Have you seen Quint lately?”

Even though she’d expected this from Bridget, she wasn’t prepared for the bittersweet pain assaulting her senses. Not after she’d just gotten over the emotional exchange she’d had with her mother. Surely, she’d hurt enough for one day, she thought miserably.

“Two days ago. He came to Apache Wells. To see his grandfather, I assume.”

Her pregnancy and refusal to marry him had thrown a cool wall between the two of them and Maura hated the distance between them. Every minute of the day she wished they could go back to being that man and woman making love at Chillicothe and the old hunting cabin. She missed being in his arms, missed the pleasure and joy of being close to him.

A frown puckered her sister’s forehead. “Did you two talk?”

“Some. But nothing has changed, so don’t bother asking,” Maura said flatly.

Bridget simply retorted, “You’re making a mistake, Maura.”

Crossing her legs, Maura focused her gaze on the far distant peak of Sierra Blanca. The early autumn snows had yet to fall, but soon the white cap would appear. By then Maura’s waist would be thick with Quint’s child. The idea filled her with love, yet at the same time she felt totally lost. Where would her home be when the baby arrived? Would Quint still be interested in her and the child or would that end, too?

“I’ve made plenty of mistakes before,” she said with wry sarcasm. “Why should I change now?”

“Maura! If a man like Quint wanted to marry me, do you know what I’d do? I’d jump at the chance!”

“Not if he didn’t love you.”

Bridget was clearly disgusted. “You clearly care for him. Doesn’t that count? Doesn’t that mean you want to be in his house, his bed?”

It did. But could Maura live with the idea that she was there only because of their child? Up until she’d met Quint, she’d always carefully weighed the decisions she’d made in her life. Even marrying Gil—though they’d only dated a few months—had been a thought-out process; at least, she’d believed she’d considered the serious step carefully, and by the time she’d walked down the aisle with him, she’d been twenty-nine years old. A mature woman. Not a teenager incapable of making important decisions. And yet with all her careful planning, she’d wound up getting her heart broken. Why in the world did her family expect her to jump into marriage now, without thinking, and to a man who didn’t love her? A man who’d said he didn’t believe in romance and never wanted to talk about feelings?

“Please, Bridget. I don’t want to argue about this now. That’s all I’ve heard from Mother this morning and now you. I—”

Bridget threw up a both hands to ward off the rest of Maura’s tirade. “Okay, sissy. I hear you loud and clear. We’ll talk about something else.”

Thankfully, Bridget kept her word and Maura managed to eat her lunch while the two of them discussed happenings at the hospital and the Donovan ranch.

Later, when the waiter questioned them about having dessert, Maura impulsively ordered a rich frosted brownie and decaffeinated coffee, then excused herself to find the bathroom.

As Maura rose to her feet, Bridget joked another warning, “That will get worse, too.”

Maura arched a wry brow at her sister. “Is there anything that gets better with pregnancy?”

“Sure. Holding your little baby in your arms.”

Maura smiled at her. “Thank you for reminding me, sis. And don’t eat my brownie if it gets back to the table before I do.”

Inside the restaurant, she made her way through the busy tables until she reached an annex where the ladies’ room was located. Even that small space was filled to capacity, forcing her to wait in line until a stall was vacated.

Finally her turn came and she was still behind the locked cubicle, zipping her trousers, when she caught the sound of two women talking in hushed tones. Normally, Maura didn’t take notice of that sort of thing. She didn’t have the time or the appetite for gossip. But the words pregnant and ranch had caught her attention, causing her to purposely pause to catch more.

“—was the first time I saw her in ages. She looks gorgeous.”

“Yeah. But divorced and pregnant. How would you like to have those problems on your plate?” the other woman responded.

Running water sounded, then the rip of paper towels. Above the noise, the first woman said, “I’ve been hearing lots of talk. You know she’s been staying out at that old man’s ranch.”

“Yeah. Abe Cantrell,” the second woman said, supplying the name. “Eccentric, I hear, but loaded to the gills with money. Guess he decided to buy himself some female attention.”

“Well, I understand that some women are turned on by older men, but—” Woman One made a shuddering noise. “Having his baby. That’s creepy.”

Maura’s fingers flew to her mouth. People were thinking she was pregnant with Abe’s child? Oh, God, it couldn’t be true! But it was! She was hearing it with her own ears.

“I’m just amazed that the old man is still that virile. He has to be in his eighties!” Woman Number Two exclaimed in a scandalous whisper, “And I sure can’t figure the woman. She has plenty of her own money. Why would she be after his?”

“Who said she was?” Woman Number One giggled. “Maybe she’s in it for the sex.”

More laughter erupted before the two women finally shuffled out of the facility. By then Maura felt totally ill and though she wanted to race after the two women and confront them, she didn’t. Other than humiliating herself, what good would it do? Assumptions about her and Abe had probably already spread over the county.

Stumbling to the lavatory, she splashed her face with cold water, then went out to rejoin Bridget.

As the two women finished their meal, Maura didn’t mention the incident in the ladies’ room. No doubt her family would hear the gossip soon enough and talking about it wouldn’t ease Maura’s guilt at marring the Donovan good name.

Later that afternoon, Quint was gritting his teeth, struggling to hold on to his temper, but Abe was pushing him to the breaking point.

He didn’t know what in hell Abe was trying to do to him. Didn’t he realize that his grandson had more serious things on his mind than reopening the Golden Spur? For the past week, his grandfather had continued to call and pester Quint about that damned old gold mine and, sick of arguing over the phone, Quint had decided to drive to Apache Wells and settle the matter once and for all. But as soon as he’d stepped through the door, Abe had dismissed the mine project and started pounding on him about Maura.

“Maura doesn’t want to be my wife, Gramps! How many times do I have to tell you that?” Quint barked at his grandfather.

“She’s gonna have your baby.”

“Damn it all, don’t you think I know that?” Quint muttered, then jumped up from the armchair he was in, left the living room and stalked to the kitchen.

Abe marched after him. “What are you gonna do about it?” the old man demanded. “Wait around until some other man grabs her? Some man that’ll love her and make her happy?”

Quint jerked a beer from the bottom shelf, then turned to his grandfather as he twisted off the cap. “What am I supposed to do? Beg?”

Quint had never seen his grandfather look so furious. In fact, this was the first time he’d ever see the man truly angry with him. Sure, they often bantered in a sarcastic way, but they both understood it was done with underlying love. Abe’s wasn’t playing now and Quint was shaken by the change in him.

“Beg! That’s not what Maura wants! And if you had half the sense I thought you had, you wouldn’t have to be told what to do. You’d grab her—make her swoon, make her happy to be at your side!”

Quint was staring at his grandfather, wondering how he could possibly defend himself against that argument, when both men heard the bang of the screen door at the front of the house.

Momentarily stunned by the interruption, both turned to see Maura wearily entering the kitchen. She took one look at the two men, burst into tears and ran straight to Abe’s arms.

“Here, here now, honey! What’s all of this about?” he asked gently.

Hurt that she would run to Abe before coming to him, Quint stood to one side and wondered why he didn’t have the right touch, the special words to bring her back to his arms. He’d never cared about that before, but somehow with Maura he hated that she’d gone to another man—even his grandfather—when she was troubled.

Pushing herself away from Abe’s bony chest, she tried to dry her eyes. “Oh, Abe, people are talking! They think that you—That I’m having your baby!”

“Hellfire!” Quint barked with outrage.

A moment of silence passed before Abe finally slapped his knee and let out a loud whoop of laughter. “Well, I’ll be damned. Me. Siring a baby. I didn’t know I still had it in me!”

“Damn it, Gramps, this isn’t funny!” Quint growled at him.

Folding his arms across his chest, Abe drew back his shoulders and grinned like a cat with a saucer of cream. “I sorta like it myself.”

“Oh, Abe, it’s terrible,” Maura wailed. “They think I’m after your money or worse.”

He swatted a dismissive hand through the air. “I know the truth. Who cares about a bunch of gossipin’ tongues anyway.”

“I do.”

Maura and Quint spoke at the same time, causing Abe to level a long, measured look at the both of them.

“If that’s the way you two feel then there’s an easy way to put a stop to all the chin-waggin’. Get married.”

Maura looked at Quint and felt something inside her snap with relief. She’d been resisting because she’d not wanted another one-sided marriage where she’d done all the loving. But to live with this man, under any circumstances, would be better than being alone, aching for the sound of his voice, the touch of his hand. And maybe someday he might actually grow to love her. She had to take that chance. She’d protect herself as best she could, holding back on admitting her feelings until she knew how he felt. Otherwise, she had no chance with him at all.

“Maura?” Quint gently questioned.

“I—” She licked her lips, then closed the last few steps between them. “Maybe it would be the best thing to do—for the baby.”

A long breath eased from Quint and then he reached for her. As he folded her into his arms, he said, “We’ll be married as soon as possible.”

Across the room, Abe smiled to himself and slipped out the door.

Fiona asked for a month to get the wedding organized, but instead Quint gave his future mother-in-law two weeks to prepare the church, ceremony and reception. The Donovan women worked overtime and when the day for the wedding finally rolled around, Our Lady of Guadalupe, the small church in Hondo Valley, was filled with flowers and music, flickering candlelight, family and well-wishers.

As the couple left the church beneath a rain of rice, the sky was sunny, the air crisp with the first nip of early fall. On the ride to the Donovan ranch, Quint could hardly take his eyes off Maura. He’d always heard the old saying that all brides were beautiful, but he couldn’t imagine any woman looking more beautiful than Maura did today.

Her dress was creamy lace that framed her bosom with a heart-shaped V while the hem ended just below her knees. At the back of her head, her red hair was pinned in an elaborate twist and entwined with some sort of tiny, ivory-colored flowers that smelled sweet and alluring. Emeralds glistened in her ears and around her neck, yet the plain gold band on her left hand seemed far richer than any jewels Quint had ever seen. She was now Mrs. Quint Cantrell. A reality that was both heady and scary to Quint.

During the uncertain weeks after she’d told him about the pregnancy and up until today, they’d not made love. Not that Quint hadn’t wanted to. Especially after she’d finally agreed to become his wife. These past days, every cell in him had been aching to be intimate with her again. But both of their schedules had been worse than hectic and the opportunity to be alone with her had never presented itself.

Now as he sat next to her in the back of the luxurious limousine that her family had provided, he could hardly keep his mind on anything else. And he wondered if, once they were on their honeymoon, she would be the same giving woman he’d made love to at the hunting cabin.

Her fight against this marriage had confused him and left him feeling very uncertain about their relationship, about her and even himself. Obviously she didn’t love him. And he didn’t expect that. Yet her reluctance to be his wife had stung him in a way he didn’t want to think about. Especially not today, during this momentous time in their lives.

“I thought the ceremony was beautiful,” he commented.

Smiling faintly, she glanced at him. “So did I. And I’m so glad your sister and brothers were able to fly in from Texas and attend. And that your brothers agreed to be your grooms.”

Abe had been his best man and this morning as they’d prepared to head for the church, Quint had been shocked to see his grandfather all duded up in a dark Western suit, a bolo tie pushed tight against the collar of his starched white shirt. The old man had looked distinguished indeed and Quint couldn’t help but wonder how Abe must have looked to his Grandmother Jenna all those years ago, when in the prime of their lives, they’d stood at the altar together.

Reaching for Maura’s hand, he said gently, “I’m just very grateful that your family has accepted me like they have. With the baby and all—I wasn’t sure what they were going to think of me.”

Her lashes swept demurely against her cheeks. “Oh, Quint, they know this wasn’t a case of you taking advantage of an innocent young woman. We’re both—” She paused, her fingers instinctively tightening around his. “Responsible adults.”

Yes. Responsible. That’s why he’d wanted this marriage. To do the proper and responsible thing. So why didn’t that rationale feel right whenever it was spoken out loud?

Shoving that troubling thought away, he changed to a more pleasant subject. “I hope you’re happy about going to Hawaii for our honeymoon. I know it’s a typical spot for newlyweds, but I thought—”

“I’ve never been to the Hawaiian Islands, Quint. I’m very pleased about going.”

“Are you?”

Taken aback by his question, she turned toward him. “You don’t sound as though you believe me. Why?”

He shrugged. “To be honest, I wasn’t sure you’d even want to have a honeymoon or be in my bed again.”

A pained look crossed her beautiful face and then with a muffled groan, she leaned close and rested her palm against the side of his cheek. Her touch was like a piece of sunshine after a hard, cold winter.

She whispered, “Just because I was against us getting married doesn’t mean I want the relationship we had to end.”

Relief poured through him and with a needy groan, he pulled her into his arms and didn’t stop kissing her until they reached the Donovan house.

The honeymoon turned out to be far more lovely than Maura imagined it could be. For two long weeks they enjoyed the tropical climate, the beautiful beaches and each other. Quint couldn’t seem to keep his hands off her and Maura had been completely surprised at just how he seemed to enjoy the tropical paradise and her.

But now that they were back on the Golden Spur and a month had passed, the memories of their honeymoon seemed almost surreal to Maura. As soon as they returned from Hawaii, Quint got back to the huge task of building the Spur into a profitable ranch and as each day went by, his attention seemed to grow more and more consumed with work, while Maura was left to keep herself occupied.

After Maura and Quint had married, Abe had quickly insisted that he no longer needed a nurse. His dizzy spells appeared to be a thing of the past and if he did come down with one, he assured them that Jim would be around to see after him.

Maura was glad Abe’s health was well enough for him to do without her. She loved him as she had loved her own grandfather and wanted him to be able to actively enjoy his horses and ranch. But she missed being needed by the old man, missed the quiet evenings they’d spent simply talking about nothing in particular. Without any words, she’d understood that Abe liked her, even loved her. With Quint she couldn’t quite discern what was going on behind his blue eyes, what was in his heart whenever he touched her. He would come home late and tired, and after a quick supper, generally just wanted to rest, not talk.

With Quint throwing his all into the ranch, Maura got busy creating a nursery in the spare bedroom. The task was a pure joy and she spent hours decorating the walls and windows, filling it with furniture, toys and baby necessities. But once the nursery was completed, she once again found herself puttering around the house, hunting anything to do to keep her mind occupied and off the uncertain bonds of her marriage.

Then one day when Maura was having lunch with Bridget, her sister offered her a light-duty nursing job at her private clinic. Maura was thrilled with the idea and that same evening when Quint returned to the house, she couldn’t wait to tell him about her new job offer.

“You want to go to work?” he asked with surprise as the two of them sat down to dinner. “But why? There’s no need for you to work.”

“There’s no need for you to work, either,” she parried.

He grimaced as he plopped sour cream on a baked potato. “A man has to have a purpose.”

“So does a woman,” she argued. “And I’m not the aimless sort, Quint.”

“You do all the bookkeeping for the ranch,” he pointed out. “That’s meaningful.”

“At most, that takes me a couple of hours a week. I can’t just sit around for the rest of the time. And in my condition, I can’t help you with strenuous ranching chores. Nursing is my profession and Bridget needs me to cover another nurse who is taking some time off. And it’s just for the next three months or so.”

Looking up from his plate, his blue eyes searched her face. “But it’s miles from town. You’ll have a long drive every day getting to and from work.”

She smiled at him. “I’m healthy and have plenty of energy. It’ll be better for me to be occupied than sitting here bored.”

Frowning, he picked up a steak knife and sliced through a strip of rare beef. “I thought you liked it here on the ranch,” he said sullenly.

Seeing he misunderstood, she sighed. “I do like it, Quint. But—”

Glancing back up at her, he said, “Look, Maura, I know this house is old and needs some work here and there. That it’s not nearly as nice as what you’re accustomed to. But when we came back from Hawaii I offered for us to live at the Chaparral and you turned it down. Are you regretting that decision now?”

Vexed that he was getting so off course of the real issue, she shook her head. “Not at all. This is your home and—”

“It’s not just my home. Now that we’re married, it’s yours, too,” he interrupted with a bit of frustration. “If it’s not good enough for you—”

She put down her fork and leaned back in her chair. “Quint, please slow down and quit being so defensive. This has nothing to do with the house. I need to have something to do. Are you against women working or something?”

“I’m not a caveman,” he said sharply, then released a heavy breath. “I would never try to keep you from working, Maura. I just think—well, we hardly need the money. And we’ve not been married for very long. The baby is coming and I thought—”

He broke off and Maura waited patiently for him to continue, but instead he stubbornly returned his attention to his plate.

Maura said, “I’d like for you to finish, Quint. What were you thinking?”

He put down his fork and looked at her. Maura was immediately surprised to see a hint of color creeping up his neck and she wondered if it bothered him that much to express his real feelings to her. She hated to think so. Hated to think she was the one person in his life he couldn’t talk to.

“This is going to sound stupid, especially since I—” He shook his head. “Forget that. What I’m trying to say is that I thought you were a woman who would be satisfied with simpler things—a simpler life.”

Not like Holly, who’d wanted more and more and not been satisfied until she’d ran off with another, Quint thought bitterly. Not like the women he’d later dated, who’d suggested he build a mansion or use his money to move to some island paradise.

“You’re insulting me now, Quint,” she said stiffly. “I don’t want more or better things. You’ve seen the way I live. I was at your grandfather’s home for a long while and his home is similar.”

She was right. He was being insulting. Maura wasn’t a spoiled rich girl. She wasn’t even close to that. And there wasn’t any reason for him to be putting up a fuss about her helping at her sister’s clinic. He didn’t know why he was behaving this way. Except that the moment she’d told him about the job, he’d viewed it as her drawing away from him, severing the few fragile threads holding them together.

Why he felt so unsure about their marriage, he didn’t know. For the past six weeks since the wedding, she’d been like an adoring little kitten in his arms. When he asked her to make love, she never turned away. And yet he couldn’t help feeling as though a part of her was vacant, as though that magical thing that he’d first felt between them had slowly and surely evaporated.

“I’m sorry, Maura. I wasn’t thinking how it must be with you here most of the day by yourself—with little to do now that you’ve got the nursery and house in hand. If you want to work at Bridget’s clinic, then go for it. You hardly need my permission anyway.”

She got up from the table and retrieved a pitcher of iced water from the cabinet. As she refilled their glasses, she said, “No. Just like you don’t need my permission whenever you leave the house in the mornings and return home long after dark.”

Her voice wasn’t exactly cool or sharp, yet he felt cut to the bone just the same. And he wondered sickly if this was already the beginning of the end.

What did you expect, you fool? She only agreed to marry you because of the gossip and the baby. She’s not here because she wants to be your wife, to live in the same house, share her life with you. And she’s definitely not here because she loves you. So forget it. You can play at being man and wife, but it won’t ever be the real thing.

The voice inside him made Quint want to curse aloud. Hell, what did that maudlin, sarcastic part of him know, anyway? He didn’t want Maura to love him. He didn’t want to love her. All he wanted was for them to be happy. And a person didn’t have to have love to be happy. Love only made things complicated and painful. Being together was enough. It had to be. Because living with Maura was one thing, while having her love appeared to be beyond his reach.