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May 19.– My mind was this day somewhat relieved, by the arrival of the China and Bengal fleets, as my hopes were excited that we would soon get out of the sight of these dreary rocks, which we had been looking upon, with sorrowful eyes, for these five weeks; but, to my sore mortification, I was again disappointed; for one of the frigates had suffered shipwreck the night before, by running against an Indiaman. The way it took place was this: The signal was given for the fleet to change their course; but the officer of the watch belonging to the merchant ship had either not been paying proper attention, or the hands had not been active enough in wearing their vessel round, and she still being upon her old tack, and the man of war upon the new direction, they ran foul of each other. – The frigate had her boltsprit, main-top, and top-gallant mast, fore-top, and top-gallant mast, carried away, and sprung her mizzen, so that she was altogether unmanageable; she had consequently to be towed into St. Helena by thirty of the boats belonging to the fleet, with her yards, sails, and masts, all hanging overboard; and was really in the worst state ever I had seen a ship before. This was a bad concern both for them and us at the time; for we were anxious to get away, and they no doubt were very sorry for the damage they had received; but, upon account of this, we were all ordered to remain until she was refitted, which was in about a fortnight.

May 27. One of the men belonging to the 30th regiment died, and the last words I heard him utter, were a very common, but very dreadful imprecation; yet some of the survivors are saying, that it is well for him that he is gone, as if a person had no farther account to give; not considering that after death there is a judgment. Oh! what a vast difference there is between the death of the wicked, and that of the righteous; for "the wicked are driven away in their wickedness, but the righteous have hope in their death." It is truly lamentable to see men so hardened; nothing, it would seem, will be a warning to them; for, although this is the Lord's day, and one of their comrades is lying before them lifeless, yet are they playing at cards, whistling and singing, cursing and swearing alternately. O Lord, make me thankful for thy grace, make me thankful that thou hast not left me to the full force of my corruptions, to be carried away with them as with a flood; for what was I better than they? therefore I have nothing to glory of, because I have nothing but what I have received. "Not unto us, O Lord, not unto us, but unto thy name be the glory, for thy mercy and for thy truth's sake."

June 2. This is a happy day for some of us, for we are now moving towards home, and looking forward to see old Scotland once more. These feelings, together with the beautiful prospect of the fleet, consisting of fifty-one large ships, have an exhilarating effect upon the spirits. We had a serjeant of our regiment sent to the bottom this day in the usual form: which is, to sew up the person in his hammock, and to put a large shot or two at the feet to make him sink. When the corpse is prepared, it is carried upon deck, laid upon a grating, and covered with the union jack flag, and, after prayers are read over it in the English form, it is committed to the waves. It does not always sink immediately, for I have seen a dead body thrown over, in this way, move up and down like a bottle cast into a tub, as long as it was within our view, even when we were sailing at a very slow rate.

June 12. We crossed the equinoctial line this day. It is rather singular (as I found by my journal) that we crossed it on that very day seven years ago, on my voyage to India. If it please God, I hope I shall never cross it again.

It is now nineteen weeks since we left Madras. This Sabbath, as usual, is dreadfully profaned. I have been trying to read a little, to comfort myself, but I find it to be impossible, because of the wickedness by which I am surrounded; but lest I should become grievous to the reader by repeating the same things so often, I will, from this time, leave off any farther representations of this kind; and the reader may perhaps, from what I have already stated since I came on board of this ship, say, that I have been exhibiting an unfair and a too melancholy picture of man's depravity, and be apt also to say, or at least think, that if I were possessed of that Christian charity which thinketh no evil, I would hardly have said so much; and conclude, that I am some peevish, melancholy, uncharitable man; but judge not without proper evidence, "lest ye also be judged;" and take care that in judging me thou dost not "condemn thyself." Would to God I had not been able to say so much; had there been but one A. Chevis in the ship, how would it have cheered my spirits and repressed my complaints! for we could have borne one another's burdens: and it would have been far, very far, from me to have hid this "excellent one" from your view; but I have searched here with as anxious care to find a good man, as ever Solomon did to find a good woman, and unless I should be guilty of a lie, must declare, that I have not seen an individual amongst all those with whom I dwell, who does not habitually take the name of God in vain; and certainly you will not call these good men; for this is none of the spots of God's children, whatever "iniquities may prevail against them." I have informed the reader also that I had not the advantage of my wife's company, as she was always engaged in the cabin with her mistress. If he will then take all these circumstances into account, and attentively weigh them with an unprejudiced mind, I have no doubt but that he will be more disposed to pity than condemn me, seeing that I was doomed to six months of this dreadful society, which was worse to me than all my other hardships.

July 18. We have been becalmed for this fortnight past, and attended by a shark nearly all that time. It is rather singular, that I have always observed, both in my voyage to and from India, that we had always a death when this happened. I can give no rational account of this phenomenon, unless it be that the acute smell of this animal enables him to find out when there is sickness in a ship, and induces him to follow it in the hope of prey, when a body is thrown overboard. We have had a corpse thrown over this day, and will therefore soon be clear of our visitor. It is surprising that the shark can do such execution, if we consider the slenderness of his teeth, which resemble that of a saw, or rather a trap for catching rats; and they are generally provided with a double row of these, solid all round the jaw; but I have seen them nearly as thin as the main spring of a watch; yet he can cut through even bones with the utmost ease.

I shall give you an instance in proof of this assertion, which is the following: – The soldiers in India generally keep boys to carry their victuals, when on guard, or wash a pair of trowsers, or a shirt for them, if they run short before the washerman comes with their clothes: and when we lay in Madras, (where by the bye we could get young sharks to buy in the bazaar, as we do speldings in this country, at a halfpenny each,) one of these boys, after having washed his master's clothes, went into the sea to bathe, while they were drying; and, being a good swimmer, he ventured beyond the surf, when a shark perceiving him, whipt off his leg, in half the time one of our anatomists would have done it with his saw. But this is not the most affecting part of the story; for although the poor little fellow had lost his leg, and with great difficulty reached the shore, leaving the water, as he came along, tinged with blood, he, in his dying moments, told his comrades who were upon the beach with him, where his master's clothes were lying, and desired that they would take them safe to the barracks: medical assistance was immediately called, but before the surgeon could reach the place, his spirit was fled. It is remarkable that these fish, when they are in pursuit of their prey, admit their young, in the same manner as some species of the serpent do, into a cavity of their belly, which God, in his wonder-working providence, has provided for their reception. In proof hereof, when we were going to India, one of the sailors, having out his shark line at the stern of the vessel, which is generally done when they observe this fish following, he hooked a very large one, and hauled it into the ship, by a tackle from the end of the main-yard; and after having the fish fairly on board, one of the sailors took a large hatchet, with which he cut off its head; and to the no small alarm of the bare-footed soldiers, who made the best of their way off in all directions, out sprung no less than eleven young sharks, tumbling and gaping about the deck, to the great danger of all feet and toes within their reach. Some of these young ones were three feet long. The sailors very frequently eat this fish, on account of its being fresh; and this one was accordingly cut into junks, (as they call it,) and divided among the crew. I tasted, through curiosity, a little bit of it, which had a very strong disagreeable flavour; but the very idea of them devouring human flesh, is enough to make one shudder, although their taste should excel that of the finest turtle. I would further observe, that the shark does not give his teeth much trouble in chewing his food, for we took another the same day, which had a six pound piece of beef in his belly, not the least macerated; and the tally²² of the mess to which the beef belonged, still tied to it with a string.

July 24.– We saw one of the Western Islands upon our starboard bow – we saw also two strange sail, supposed to be American privateers; our frigates and gun brigs went in chace immediately, but they have not returned to the fleet as yet. We have a very stiff breeze, and a heavy sea, and have shipped a wave just now which has swept some of the men off the hatchway.

July 29.– We have had a heavy gale these three days and nights, but the worst of it is, the wind is almost right a-head; and we consequently have made very little way. The children have been in their hammock all that time without light, except when the men occasionally lighted a bit of fat pork (as I said they sometimes did) to eat their victuals; and when I took them upon deck they were like new started hares, and jumped and ran about until I was obliged to restrain them from fear of their driving themselves against the sides of the ship.

Aug. 4.– A large boat is come along side of us from Torbay upon chance, to take away certain goods from the passengers. I spoke to one of the boatmen, who told me that we are about thirty miles from land, and two of the sailors have been sent to the mast head to look out for it; we have also received our pilot, and are running about nine knots an hour. Truly this is delightful; and I trust, that he who has preserved us hitherto, will bring us in "safety into the desired haven."

Aug. 11.– We have had considerable difficulty in getting up the river, on account of the wind being contrary; but we are now safe moored, and they are beginning to take out the guns to lighten her, that they may be able to get her up to Blackwall. There is an order just come for us to go ashore to-morrow. Joyful news, to think of getting out of this miserably wicked place! how it enlivens my spirits besides to view the fields of corn, and the cattle feeding by the sides of the river, particularly when it is, I may say, my native country! O, what time brings about; for I have often almost despaired of ever seeing it; and, although I am now a poor feeble creature, hardly able to crawl, yet as Solomon says, "while we are joined to all the living there is hope; for a living dog is better than a dead lion;" and I bless God, that I am "the living, the living to praise him," while hundreds of my comrades are rotting upon a foreign shore.

Aug. 12.– We got all safe ashore at Chelsea, which place was completely crowded with invalids from the Continent, besides those from India; they were in all about four thousand. The Tower and Chelsea being full, some hundreds were billeted in the country. This promised very badly with regard to pension, and upon the 14th of September, 1814, the day on which I passed, there were several hundreds who did not get a penny. I, however, received ninepence, which, after all, was but a small recompense for all my hardships, and their bad effects upon my constitution, and a service of fourteen years in the 26th, and Royals together; but had it not been that I was so long Serjeant and Fife-Major of the latter regiment, I would not have received more than sixpence. I desire to be thankful, however, for this allowance; although it be small, it is always something to look to.

CHAPTER XIII

I shall not trouble the reader with a particular account of the various occurrences that came under my notice while we lay at Chelsea, which was about five weeks: such as, the great difficulty we had in obtaining a lodging; the many wonderful things to be seen about London; the behaviour of the invalids; to what regiments they belonged, &c. But there is one thing which I think it would certainly be wrong to omit, because it is illustrative of the loving-kindness of the Lord, whose glory we ought to have in view in all that we do.

While I was in this place I found one of my brothers working at Vauxhall bridge, who was one of Mr. Fletcher of the Secession's hearers. My wife and I, therefore, upon the first sabbath after we went ashore, accompanied him to Miles's Lane Chapel, and heard a Mr. M'Donald, I think, who was officiating in the absence of Mr. F. at this time in Scotland. Upon entering the meeting house, a mixture of unutterable reverence and joy thrilled through my soul, while I thought of the solemnity of the place, and looked back on the long dreary period during which I had been deprived of an opportunity of "assembling with the people of God in his house of prayer." But how was I struck with adoring wonder, when the preacher gave out the 63d psalm,

 
"Lord, thee my God, I'll early seek:
My soul doth thirst for thee," &c.
 

which he prefaced in a very pathetic manner; and during the whole of the explanation, set forth the Psalmist's condition, so exactly applicable to the feelings and circumstances of my past life, particularly in India and in my voyage home; and the next psalm which he gave out was the 122d,

 
"I joyed when to the house of God,
Go up, they said to me," &c.
 

which was equally applicable to my now happy situation. I found it too much for my feelings, for I thought my heart would have burst with alternate joy and sorrow. Joy, when I saw in this the answer of many a longing desire, "and my prayers returned into mine own bosom;" and sorrow, because of the many unbelieving and ungrateful thoughts I had formerly entertained, that "I should never again see the Lord, even the Lord, in the land of the living," until a flood of concealed tears gave me some relief; and a sweet believing tranquillity took the place of these conflicting passions. The whole of the services of the day corresponded with its commencement, and all had a tendency to refresh and satisfy my thirsty soul, more than the vernal showers of the east could cheer and invigorate the face of languishing nature; and I do trust they "did not return to the Lord void, but prospered in that thing whereunto they were sent." Surely the Psalmist's choice of spending his time was mine, for I certainly esteemed "this day better than a thousand," and found these comforts sweeter to my soul than honey to my mouth. Surely on this happy day, if ever in my life, I found out in a great measure the truth and emphasis of these gracious words: "Blessed are they which do hunger and thirst after righteousness, for they shall be filled." But, I trust, my dear reader, you will excuse me, when I tell you that I am unable to describe my emotions at this time. However, if you are one of those persons spoken of by the apostle, who "have their senses exercised to discern both good and evil," you can better enter into my state than I am able to inform you; although you cannot be expected to feel to the same degree as I have felt, unless you had suffered, to the same extent, as I have suffered. But if you are really one "of Christ's scholars, and taught by his Holy Spirit, that Spirit dwells in you," and "he will teach you in some measure his own language," and you will know something of what is meant by "the soul being satisfied with marrow and fatness," of the Lord lifting upon his people "the light of his countenance," of "causing his face to shine upon them;" and of "his loving kindness being better than life." – You will know something of "the joy of the Lord," the "joy of God's salvation," and "the joy of the Holy Ghost," "of being filled with all joy and peace in believing;" &c. but if these, and the like passages, be to you an unknown tongue, or a language which you do not understand, I am afraid that you have the alphabet of Christianity to learn yet, and "have need that one teach you over again, which be the first principles of the oracles of God; and are indeed among such as have need of milk, and not of strong meat." All that I shall say more upon this subject is, that I found this place to be a Bethel, for surely the Lord was there, for it was to me none other than the house of God, surely it was to me the very gate of heaven. – O taste, and ye shall find also that the Lord is good; and that the man is truly blessed which trusteth in him.

You may be sure we did not remain long in Chelsea, after I passed the board; for I went immediately to Millar's wharf, and found there a vessel bound for Leith. I therefore took our passage in the steerage; but I had cause afterwards to repent that I did not take a cabin passage, for the steerage was so completely stowed with baggage, that all the passengers were obliged to lie upon deck the whole way; this was a mischievous bath, for us particularly, who had just come from India, considering that it was in the month of September.

On landing at Leith we put our baggage into a cart, and went off to Pennycuick immediately, where we were joyfully received; we remained there with our friends a few days, after having been nearly eleven years absent, and having only seen them once during that period, when I visited them, on furlough, from Ireland.

After we had recruited ourselves, we were anxious to get the children settled before I thought of settling myself; and we accordingly went with them to Edinburgh, and took tickets on the outside of the Glasgow coach. When we arrived at that place, we immediately went to Anderston, and found out the dwelling of William Stevenson, the grandfather, on the mother's side, of Serjeant Lee's child. The old folks received us with great expressions of gratitude, on account of what we had done for the poor, destitute orphans of their deceased daughter. The neighbours also came flocking in, to behold the children who were born in such a far distant land; and expressed their astonishment at the way which the providence of God had taken to bring them home, considering that we were in no wise related to any of them. They wrote off to Serjeant Fleming's father, who lived at Kilmarnock, and he no sooner received the intelligence, than he came off to Anderston, accompanied by one of his sons, and when we were all assembled, we spent a very happy day together.

After remaining some time in their company, giving and receiving information, we bethought ourselves of returning home. So Mr. Fleming took the child of his deceased son, and the little girl of the deceased Serjeant Lee remained in Anderston: but Mr. Stevenson, and his wife being old, and apparently very infirm, we told them, that if it was the will of God to remove either of them by death, and in consequence thereof the child should become burdensome to the survivor, or might herself be neglected, that we would still consider ourselves as parents to the child, and do for her in every respect as if she were our own; and requested them, moreover, to be sure to keep up a correspondence with us by letters.

It was not many months after this when I received the news of the old man's death. According to promise, I therefore went from Peebles to Anderston, to bring home the little girl, who still recollected me, calling me daddy when ever I entered the house, and attempted to wash my feet, which were very sore by marching a good way that morning. I stopped a day to rest myself, and during that time she would not allow me to be out of her sight, neither could any of her uncles or aunts induce her to go with them anywhere unless I desired her. I thought it would be my best plan, both for expedition and on account of the child, to take a ticket in the coach: so I acted accordingly. When we reached Edinburgh, I went to a house, head of the Candlemaker Row, and found there a return-chaise for Peebles, at which I was very happy, and we set off as soon as the driver was ready, as I was anxious to get home. We arrived safe at Peebles about eleven o'clock at night; but, when I knocked at the door, which my wife had just shut, preparing for bed, she could hardly believe that I could have so soon returned. But, when she saw her poor little dear, as she called her, she took her in her arms, and embraced her with all the symptoms of an affectionate mother who had been robbed of her innocent, that was now again restored to her arms, her bosom, and her affections.

Now, my dear reader, this is what became of the orphans, and who knows but God, whose "way is in the sea, and whose path is in the great waters;" may intend this poor little Indian orphan to sooth our dying bed, and to be our greatest earthly friend, when a true friend is valuable. – While we were in Peebles, I tried my old occupation of working at the loom; but I was compelled to leave it off, as this employment would not agree with my constitution, being much afflicted with a pain in the breast, and a giddiness in my head; which were truly distressing.

We had not lived long in Peebles after the child came to us, when I received a letter directed, Serjeant B – , Peebles, late of the Royal Scots. When I looked at the back of the letter, I could not understand who was the writer, yet I thought the hand familiar; but when I opened it, to my great astonishment I found it to be from Colonel Stewart, saying that he had just learned that I was returned from India in a very bad state of health, which he was very sorry for; and said, moreover, that if he could be of any service in procuring any situation suitable for me, he would be happy to do it, and likewise expressed a desire to see me. I accordingly went to his country seat near Stirling, where he had just gone; and, after many kind inquiries upon both sides, he asked me if I could point out any thing that he or his interest could do for me. I expressed my gratitude in the best way I could for his kind offer, but told him that I could think of nothing but a drum-major's situation in a local militia corps, though at the same time I said, that I was afraid that it would be difficult to be obtained; but it did not appear so to him, and he hoped that he would soon be able to procure it. He desired me to remain all night, and gave his servants particular charge to pay all possible attention to my comfort.

I had not returned to Peebles above three weeks, when I received a letter from this kind friend, informing me that he had obtained a situation for me in the Greenock Local Militia; and I accordingly went and took the charge of that corps the following week: but there is nothing in this world to be depended on; for I had not enjoyed my new situation, in which I received half-a-guinea weekly, above six months, when an order came for the staffs of these regiments to be broke. But Colonel Stewart again voluntarily befriended me, for he recommended me, previous to this taking place, to the notice of his brother, at this time bailie of Greenock, who fell upon a plan for assisting me. The gentlemen of Greenock had often expressed a wish for a billiard-table, that they might amuse themselves at a vacant hour; and Mr. Stewart having a room suitable for the purpose, agreed to fit it up as a billiard-room, if I would take the situation of marker to the billiard-table. I told him I would be very happy to do it, but that it was an affair with which I was entirely unacquainted; but he said that it was very easily learned, and that I would soon be master of the business. I accordingly took the charge of this room; for which I received a very equitable reward.

I had not been long in my new situation, when I understood my duty pretty well; and observing that I would have much spare time, I wished to turn it to some good account. I therefore made inquiry at a very intelligent acquaintance, if he could inform me where I could get a book that contained portions of Scripture, arranged under different heads, as I wished to write them out, and thereby get better acquainted with the contents of my Bible: and by this employment might at once be both amused and instructed. So he recommended Dr. Chalmers's "Scripture References," telling me, that it was the very kind of book I was seeking. I went and procured it immediately; and I did not let much time pass, until I commenced writing out, in full, the passages referred to by the Doctor; but when I came to that head, "Duties under Affliction," how agreeably was I surprised, when I found, under it, that blessed passage which gave me so much relief and comfort in the Prince of Wales' Island, "Call upon me in the day of trouble; I will deliver thee: and thou shalt glorify me."

The reader may be rather surprised that I never before this hour had seen these precious words, and may be apt to draw, not unfairly, this conclusion, that "if I had read my Bible much, I certainly would have seen this delightful promise before now." I do freely acknowledge that I have not read my Bible with that attention and frequency I might have done, and ought to have done, though I have, upon the whole, endeavoured to make myself acquainted with it by frequent reading; but, by not going regularly through it, I had never happened to meet with the above passage, although it was now fully ten years since it was a mean, in the hand of the spirit which dictated it, of "turning for me my mourning into dancing, and girding me with gladness." After I was finished, therefore, with the scripture references, and not being yet tired with this pleasant labour, I added other three parts to my intended Pocket Companion, viz. a Selection of Passages from Mr. Henry's Method for Prayer; an Explanation of the Principal Religious Terms from Mr. Brown's Dictionary of the Bible; and Extracts from Mr. M'Ewan's Essays. When these four parts were finished, I had the whole bound together into a pretty sizeable volume, the substance of which I intended to commit to memory. But I had not finished this work many days, when Mr. W – , our minister, came to see us, as he frequently did, and asked me what I had been doing this long time, that I had never given him a call. I told him how I had been employed. He expressed a desire to see what I had been writing, and I showed him the book. After he had examined it a little, he asked me if I would allow him to peruse it for a few days? I said, he was perfectly welcome to do that. When he had done so, he came back to our house with the book, and expressed his satisfaction with regard to the usefulness and conciseness of the compilation; and told me that it was an excellent work, (if I could think of publishing it,) for the instruction of servants, seamen, and even the greater part of the labouring classes, who had little time to peruse, or money to purchase books, where those useful subjects were set forth more at large, and above all, that it might be unspeakably useful to assist or to prepare people who were lately, or about to be married, in their family devotions and instructions. I at first could upon no account think of consenting to his request; but I told him that I would consider about it a few days. He returned in a short time afterwards to know my determination. I said that I would be very happy to publish the book, if I really thought it would be useful to my fellow men, particularly as I had as much money by me as would pay for printing a few hundred copies; but I said also, that I was ashamed of my name being affixed to a printed book, even though it was a compilation. This objection, however, he obviated, by stating, that it might be published without a name; and, in short, having brought matters thus far, he went and made a bargain with a printer; and after the impression was thrown off, he recommended it very warmly from the pulpit, and not only he, but two other clergymen, also recommended it in strong language, particularly to servants and seamen. In consequence of all this, I either sold or gave away the whole impression in little more than a twelvemonth.

We remained in Greenock until the year 1820, at which time both duty and inclination seemed to call us to Edinburgh, on account of my old parents, who resided there, and were, at this period, in a very poor state of health; that we might try if we could do any thing for the comfort of them who could now scarcely do any thing for themselves; while their other children were unable to afford them much relief, on account of their numerous families. Another weighty motive for my removal was, that I would there have an opportunity of consulting a very able physician, with whom I was well acquainted, as he had been assistant surgeon²³ in our regiment all the time I was in India, whom I knew to understand perfectly my constitution, and the many and severe attacks it had sustained, from different disorders, while in that country, which had rendered a once healthy bodily frame, now almost totally useless; for I had enjoyed a very indifferent state of health ever since my sore illness in Trichinopoly. The person to whom I allude was Dr. B – , a gentleman whose indefatigable and successful labours, in ascertaining the nature and cure of the diseases of hot climates, for the benefit of the men under his charge, are well known to every man in the regiment.