Kitabı oku: «A New Catalogue of Vulgar Errors», sayfa 8
XXXV
That the Hedge-Hog is a mischievous Animal; and particularly, that he sucks Cows, when they are asleep in the Night, and causes their Teats to be sore.
The Antipathy which People have taken against this Animal, is chiefly owing to his Form. He is ugly and clumsy, and, not being able to run away, like most other Animals, is forced to have Recourse to his natural Armour, which, though it is merely defensive, is apt to disgust those, who cannot satisfy their Curiosity about him; as there is nothing to be seen but a round Ball of sharp-pointed Bristles, till he is put into Water, and then he is forced to open himself and swim.
By the bye, some Naturalists have affirmed, that he is like the Porcupine; but that, we can assure the Reader, is a Mistake. A Porcupine is as large as ten Hedge-Hogs; besides, there is not the least Resemblance in the Form of the Animals, or in their Manner of Defence. The Hedge-Hog, upon being discovered, lies quite still, and depends upon the Impenetrability of his Armour for Safety; whereas the Porcupine is tolerably swift, and is not able to conceal himself under his Quills, as they do not cover above half his Back. When he is pursued he makes a full Stop, and has the Power of drawing up the whole Body of his Quills, so as to dart them all together into any one who attacks him; and in all Probability he will leave one or two in your Legs, if you go too near him, and make him angry, which is very soon done. I once saw a Stick put to a Porcupine, and he broke two or three of his Quills against the Stick, though they are very hard and tough. Some say, that the Quills of a Porcupine are of a poisonous Nature. But, begging Pardon for this Digression about the Porcupine, we will return to the Error which was mentioned, concerning the Hedge-Hog.
It may be observed in the Works of Nature, that all Animals, of whatsoever Kind they are, whether they come under the Denomination of Birds, Quadrupeds, Reptiles, or Fishes, are provided with such Organs and Weapons as are convenient for the procuring of their Sustenance, as well as such as are formed for their Self-Defence.
The Lion roaring after his Prey, has Weapons proper for the vanquishing and devouring that Prey.
The Bull, whose principal Food is Grass, is provided with Armour round his Tongue and Nostrils, which is Proof against the Thistles and venomous Insects that make a Part of his coarse Diet.
The Monkey is possessed of Hands for selecting the eatable Parts of his Nuts and Fruit from the poisonous Rind.
The Hawk is furnished with long Wings for pursuing, keen Eyes for discerning, and sharp Talons for taking the granivorous Birds, which are his Prey; whilst they are provided with Beaks of a proper Shape for picking up the Corn, as well as Gizzards, or strong Muscles, which, by the Help of Gravel Stones, that are contained in them, grind the separate Grains of Corn, as they are discharged from the Crop, out of which they proceed gradually.
The numberless Instances of this Kind which might be brought, are too tedious to mention here; it will be sufficient to remark, that there is no such Monster to be found in the Creation, as an Animal with Weapons and Implements improper for the Acquisition of that Food which is to be the Support of its Life, or unfurnished with such a Means of Defence, as is most suitable to its Self-preservation.
The Hedge-Hog is a peculiar Instance of this: As he is rather slow of Foot, if he should happen to be surprized in his Travels, he can gather himself up into a Coat of Mail, which answers two Ends; as it is a Deceptio Visus, looking like a Clot covered with dried Grass; and as it consists of sharp Spikes upon a thick Skin, which serve both for a Sword and Target, either to secure him against the Tread of a Horse, or the Assaults of Dogs and Hawks. Then as his Habitation is in Hedges, he has a Mouth formed for the Reception of Hips, Haws, and Sloes, which are his Food; and which, doubtless, he hoards up in some little Repository, known only to himself. His Nose is formed to search for Roots near the Surface of the Earth, which must not be very large, otherwise he would be unable to manage them, as his Mouth is remarkably small, and does not seem capable of containing any Thing larger than a small Pea; for which Reason we may suppose it not only improbable and unnatural, that the Hedge-Hog should attempt to suck the Teats of a Cow, when she is asleep, as it does not seem formed by Nature for such an Operation; but we will endeavour to prove from Hydrostatics, that it would be impossible for him to acquire any Milk at all by such a Trial.
It is certainly true, that the Reason why a Vessel contains Water, or any other Fluid, within it's Sides, and hinders it from dispersing, is, because the Pressure of the Air at the Top of the Vessel keeps it down; and it is as true, that when the Vessel is turned up side down, the Liquor in it will still be kept in, by the same Pressure of the Air, notwithstanding the Force of Gravity, provided the Surface of the Water is not disturbed in turning the Vessel; which may be easily proved by the Experiment of a Drinking-Glass and a Piece of Paper. It is upon this Principle, that the Milk in the Dug of an Animal, is kept in it's proper Place, and does not fall to the Ground; though it must be acknowledged, that there may be some other Causes assigned likewise.
Now if a Vessel of Water is put into an Air Pump, as soon as the Air is extracted from the Receiver, in which the Vessel stands, the Water immediately ascends up out of the Vessel, and overflows the Brim, the Air, which was the Cause of it's being kept down, being removed.
This is the Case with an Animal which gives Suck. The Teat is close embraced round by the Mouth of the young one, so that no Air can pass between: A Vacuum is made, or the Air is exhausted from it's Throat, by a Power in the Lungs; nevertheless, the Pressure of the Air remains still upon the Outside of the Dug of the Mother, and by these two Causes together, the Milk is forced into the Mouth of the young one.
But a Hedge-Hog has no such Mouth, as to be able to contain the Teat of a Cow; therefore any Vacuum, which is caused in it's own Throat, cannot be communicated to the Milk in the Dug. And if he is able to procure no other Food, but what he can get by sucking Cows in the Night, there is likely to be a Vacuum in his Stomach too.
It may be objected here, that former Legislators have thought proper to allow a Reward to be given for killing this Animal, on Account of the Mischief he has been supposed to do. To which I answer, that former Legislators have thought proper to burn old Women, for being Witches, if they would not sink when they were put into a Pond; and I will venture to affirm, that there is just as much Sense in burning a Witch, as in setting a Reward upon a Hedge-Hog.
XXXVI
That a Person is the better or the worse for being of any particular Calling or Profession.
This Error shall be dressed in a Clerical Habit. But I fear those venerable Robes will share the same Fate here, which attends them in other Places; they will give a double Force to the Mistakes and Failings of the Wearer.
Luke XVIII. Verses the xth, xith, xiith, and xiiith. Two men went up into the temple to pray; the one a Pharisee, and the other a publican. The Pharisee stood and prayed thus with himself; God, I thank thee, that I am not as other men are, extortioners, unjust, adulterers, or even as this publican. I fast twice in the week, I give tithes of all that I possess. And the publican, standing afar off, would not lift up so much as his eyes unto heaven, but smote upon his breast, saying, God be merciful to me a sinner.
The Oriental Teachers thought proper to convey their Doctrines of Morality in Parable. Doubtless, the Method is plain and easy to be understood; elegantly shewing us the Truth, whilst we cannot help confessing that we discern it, and this without giving much Disgust by laying open the Foibles of any Party; it is capable of comprehending all the Figures of Poetry and Rhetoric, and these Figures are the least liable to be detected, whilst they are clothed in the Disguise of Parable, which must be allowed to be a great Advantage; Artis est celare artem holds good in this Case, as well as in others. And if one Person has an Inclination to bring another to his Way of Thinking, he must endeavour to be as plain and simple in his Manner as possible, for this Method alone carries with it the Appearance of Truth; whether we argue on the right Side of the Question, or on the wrong, this Method of Proceeding will hold good in some Measure; but especially, if we want to instil true Principles of sound Morality, it has a double Force. Our Blessed Saviour, doubtless, for this Reason thought proper to deliver his Doctrines of Morality in this convincing, self-evident Dialect; he saw plainly that the Cabalistical Stile of the Pharisees, was by no Means a Language proper to convey new and wholesome Precepts into the Minds of the Vulgar. No: He chose rather to make Use of this compact and intelligible Method of inculcating his Precepts, namely Parable. We have no greater Instance of his Skill, than this of the Pharisee and Publican.
In the Handling of this Subject, we shall consider the Human Species in different Lights; as a reasoning philosophizing Animal, who thinks he has a right to enquire into the Phœnomena of Nature, and to make Use of that Right, and of those Senses, which God has given him; and as a Person, who is forced to submit to the the superior Judgment of other Men, and takes Things for granted as he is told them. The first of these is what we generally understand when we say Men of Science, Men of Learning, Men of regular Education, and the like. These may be ranged into Variety of different Orders and Ranks, in regard to their different Professions, Studies, Turns of Genius, Amusements, Abilities, Applications, &c.
We may with Propriety reduce all these different Sentiments concerning Mankind, into two Branches; namely, Men of Business, and Men of Recreation or Pleasure.
Of those who come under the Denomination of Men of Business, each one is apt to think himself of that Order which is most respectable. For Instance, one who professes the Law, may know that Mankind is apt to tax him with Injustice and Dishonesty, but that, he comforts himself, is of no great Signification; for what amongst the Vulgar is stiled Dishonest, among People of Fashion, would be palliated by the agreeable Name of exquisite Address. And so he makes himself very easy about what vulgar Imputations may be laid to his Charge by the Mob, so long as he has the Gentry on his Side. And they too may tax him with Dishonesty if they please, but he makes no Doubt but he shall soon have some of them applying to him for Justice, as all Causes must go through the Hands of those of his Profession; and he does not see but Things are determined fairly enough in the End. In short, he concludes with thinking, that his Profession is as useful as any other, (and in that perhaps he may be right) and that it is profitable, and of great Importance, and therefore, that the Sons of the Robe may justly be said to be more honourable.
The Physician is of another Way of Thinking. He knows full well, that Health is of more Consequence than Riches, for (says he) what Pleasure can a Man have from a great Estate, if he has not Health to enjoy it? The Lawyer may out talk him perhaps, but he thinks he has saved more Lives, at a much cheaper Rate than the other has recovered Estates in Chancery. They may make light of his Art, but he is certain likewise, that they will all stand in Need of his Skill sometime or other; and therefore thinks, on Account of the Importance of his Profession, that the Sons of Galen are most honourable.
The Philosopher differs from them both. He thinks, that all that is wrote upon Parchment must treat of something very trifling, with Respect to what he is concerned in. It may be, says he, that this Parchment may contain some Conveyance of some small Tract of Land, belonging to some one private Person; but what is that? he has just been taking Measure of the whole Earth. He thinks that Physic may have Merit in it's Way; for a Man skilled in Physic may preserve the Life of an Animal who inhabits the Globe; but what is this to what he has been contriving of? He has been taking Care of the Health of the Universe; he has discovered a Comet, and has been calculating how near it will approach to the Earth's Orbit; he has been settling the Degrees of Heat it contains, at such and such Distances, and what Danger we should all be in, of being totally demolished, if it was to approach but a small Distance nearer; he has been finding out the Situation of the Polar Stars, that Navigators may sail in an unknown Sea without Danger; he has been fixing the exact Limit of the Trade Winds, where they may be certain of being blown Home again safe. He thinks these are Matters of a high Nature, much beyond any Thing else, and therefore, that his Profession is of the highest Importance. Three Professions have been mentioned, every one of which is apt to think his own Order of the greatest Consequence. We should find it exactly the same, if we were to take a Survey of the inferior Trades, and mechanical Men.
Those likewise, who think proper to devote their Time to Amusements, if we examine into their Behaviour, we shall find them, in general, no less partial to their own Taste than the Men of Business; which we shall easily discern, if we make Observations at any Public Place, where many of this Kind resort to. Gentlemen who are fond of Play, most heartily despise all the Noises that can be made upon Instruments, all the Daubings which can be smeared upon Canvass, and all the Nonsense that can he crammed into Books. The only Music that can give them any Pleasure, is the rattling and spirited Sound of the all-hazardous Dice-Box; the only Paintings which can strike them, must be drawn at full Length, upon the mercenary Card-Table; the only Books which, in their Opinion, contain any Sense in them, are those which treat upon the noble Science of Gaming.
The Sportsman wonders what any Body can see in London, or in those make-shift Entertainments which are contrived to pass Time away in Town; he cannot bear to sit fretting over a Card Table. The only Music that delights him, is the chearing Sensation which he perceives, when he is awaked from Sleep, by the confused Harmony which pierces his Ear, from the shrill Throats of his never-erring Hounds, impatient for the glorious Fatigue (as he calls it) of the ensuing Day; which he follows at the Hazard of his Life, over Dangers of Mountains, and Woods, and Rivers, and craggy Cliffs, and returns Home well pleased and happy with the Thoughts of his Exploits: Whilst the London Citizen prefers his Armed-chair, and a good Fire, and the Daily Advertiser; and sneers at all the others for senseless Wretches, because they don't understand the Rules of Principal and Interest. – All these Examples may serve to shew, how wrapt-up Men are in their particular Engagements of Business and Pleasure, and how in love they are with their own Opinions: So in love with them, that they cannot look upon the Sentiments of others with common Charity.
We all think ourselves of the highest Importance, and that there would no existing without us; how this comes to pass shall be next enquired into, by returning to the Matter of different Professions. We behave with regard to our public Professions, in this Respect, just as we do in our private Characters: As we can easily discern the Vices of other Men, and forget our own, so it happens in the present Case; we can easily discern the Advantage which the Public reaps from our own Profession, but it is with great Difficulty that we are brought to examinine what Use we ourselves derive from that of another. This was the very Case with the Pharisee in the Text; he stood, and prayed and said, God, I thank thee, that I am not as other men are, extortioners, unjust, adulterers, or even as this publican. He payed Tithes of all that he possessed. And what great Merit was there in that? If he had not thought proper to pay Tithes of his own Accord, no Doubt, there was as much Law to compel him in those Times as in these; but the Misfortune is, this Pharisee was under the same Mistake which Pharisees in all Ages labour under, he could see plain enough into what he thought his own private Qualifications, but could not discern the Use which the Public reaped from his Companion. The Publican on the other Hand did not so much as lift up his Eyes to Heaven, but smote his Breast, and said, God be merciful to me a sinner. He acknowledged that he was of a Profession which, however necessary it might be in itself, nevertheless brought upon him the Odium of his Countrymen, and which made him liable to many Irregularities in his Behaviour, made him forced to be guilty of many Extortions from the poorer Sort of People; he confessed that his Profession did necessarily bring all these Sins upon him, for which he then implored Forgiveness. I tell you, says our Saviour, this man went down to his house justified rather than the other. But what Reason can be given, why the Pharisee should not be justified? It might be said, that the Pharisee was conscious to himself of living according to the Laws of his Country, and of doing his Duty, and that he thought it incumbent upon him to return Thanks to the Maker of all Things, for giving him such good Inclinations, and for putting it into his Power to make a good Use of them.
This would be very charitable Reasoning, if one could be brought to believe, that the Pharisee was really such a Sort of a Man as he pretended to be; but it is sufficiently evident, by the Stile and Manner of the Parable, that this Pharisee was intended to be like other Pharisees in all Times: he would be thought to be much better than he really was, and had worked himself up to such a high Pitch of Pride and Self-Conceit, as to boast of his supposed Qualifications even to his Maker.
Doubtless this excellent Parable strikes at the very Root of all Hypocrisy, and vain-glorious outside Shew. For here was the Publican, very probably a much better Man than the Pharisee, who had neither imbibed such high Notions of his own Worth, nor pretended to any such fine Qualifications; he very willingly acknowledged his Faults, and with the greatest Modesty and Diffidence of himself, that high Recommendation both in the Eyes of God and Man, did not even think himself worthy to look up to Heaven, but smote upon his Breast and said, God be merciful to me a sinner.
What has been said may serve to shew the excellent Morality, which these Parables of our Saviour's contained; they contained such Sort of Lessons as must be useful, so long as the World exists; for there will always be such Pharisees as are here mentioned by our Saviour, and to whom, in another Place, he repeats the Words, Wo unto you scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites, so often. Isaiah says, Chap. ix. ver. 20, 21. Wo unto them that call evil good, and good evil; that put darkness for light, and light for darkness; that put bitter for sweet, and sweet for bitter! Wo unto them that are wise in their own Eyes and prudent in their own Sight!
Our Saviour did not mean to aim with the Force of his Doctrine at Publicans and Pharisees alone, his Doctrine was of an Universal Nature: And we must not suppose that could ever be his Intention; and lest future Ages should hereafter make such a Mistake, the Evangelist has given us his Opinion what he thought our Saviour intended by this Parable. He spake this Parable, says St. Luke, unto those which trusted in themselves that they were righteous, and despised others.
Here it must be observed, that though our Saviour was pleased to say, that the Publican went down to his House justified rather than the Pharisee, yet he by no Means sets either of them as a Pattern for our Example. We must not therefore misunderstand this Passage so dangerously as to think, that if we be but modest, we may be guilty of what enormous Vices we think proper, because that would be giving the Words of our Saviour a wrong Interpretation. A middle Character, between these two Extremes, is rather to be aimed at. It is to be wished, that we could so navigate ourselves through the dangerous Rocks and Quicksands of Land, as to avoid both the Sins of the Publican, and the vain-glorious Boasting of the Pharisee: And by that Means, we shall be enabled without Fear, to sail through the dark Sea of Death, even into the Regions of Eternity, where the Gates of Hell shall not prevail against us.
