Kitabı oku: «She», sayfa 4

Chapter Seven

Charlotte scanned the busy, dimly lit bar, her eyes hunting out Matt and Freya. Finally, she spotted them at a table in the corner, deep in conversation. ‘Hey, guys!’ she said, dumping her huge grey leather tote bag down on the floor and slumping into the seat they were zealously guarding for her. ‘Matt, be a love and get me an enormous glass of white wine, will you?’

Matt beamed at her fondly and stood up. ‘Your wish is my command, Lady Charlotte!’ He planted a kiss on top of her head as he squeezed past her and disappeared into the crowd towards the bar.

Charlotte smiled at Freya, holding her gaze as she acknowledged the familiar tug of longing that she felt every time she saw her old friends. She missed them so much. Missed the closeness and the laughter they used to share as a foursome, before she made the biggest mistake of her life by breaking up with Ben and blowing it all apart. ‘So … how are you, my love?’

Freya stood slightly and reached across the small wooden table to hug her, holding on for just slightly longer than normal. ‘I miss you.’ There was a slight tremble in her voice as she spoke.

Charlotte tilted her head and examined Freya’s face. She looked strained and tired. ‘What’s wrong? Is it work?’ Her job at St Thomas’ hospital was enormously stressful.

Freya shook her head and pushed back her blonde hair nervously. ‘No, work’s OK. It’s … well, it’s Ben, actually.’

Charlotte’s stomach plummeted with fear. ‘Ben? Why, what’s happened? Is he all right?’

Freya’s grey-blue eyes locked onto Charlotte’s. ‘Yes, as far as we know, he’s fine. It’s just that Bella’s had the baby. A girl.’

Charlotte’s mouth dried instantly. She nodded, trying to digest the news, wondering why it was such a shock when she had known it was coming for months. ‘Well, that’s good, isn’t it?’ she managed.

‘Yes, I suppose it is.’ Freya shrugged.

‘What have they called her?’

‘Elodie.’

Charlotte nodded again and attempted a smile. ‘Elodie. That’s a pretty name. And is everything OK? How are they managing?’

Freya made a ‘pfff’ sound and rolled her eyes. ‘That’s the thing …’ She picked up her glass and took a large sip of wine. ‘We don’t know. We haven’t seen them.’

At that moment, Matt arrived back at their table and put a large glass of chilled white wine down in front of Charlotte. She gave him a quick smile, before turning her attention back to Freya. ‘Thanks, Matt. Why haven’t you seen them?’

Matt looked at Freya and threw his hands up helplessly. ‘We’ve got no idea. She just doesn’t seem that keen on us.’

‘Have you spoken to Ben?’

‘Yup, briefly, when he called to tell me about the baby being born.’ Matt looked slightly crestfallen as he spoke. ‘But I think she might screen his calls. I rang once and obviously my number was displayed, so they didn’t answer. But when I blocked my number and rang back, she picked up.’

‘Well, call his mobile then?’

Matt scratched his cheek. ‘Nope. Tried that. He must have changed his number.’

Charlotte frowned. ‘How weird. Why would he change his number and not let his friends know?’

‘Because his fucking bitch of a wife told him to?’ Freya cut in, shaking her head in disgust.

Charlotte’s stomach churned with a dozen different emotions. Knowing that she no longer had Ben’s mobile number unnerved her hugely. Made her feel as though she had been cut adrift from her anchor. And hearing Bella described as his wife was like a punch to her kidneys. It was ridiculous, of course, but she couldn’t stop the feelings that were coursing unstoppably through her. She gave herself a shake. She needed to get a grip.

‘And how was she? Bella, I mean, when you spoke to her on the phone?’

Again, Matt glanced at Freya and gave a resigned sigh. ‘Frosty, I suppose, is the best way to describe it. Very offhand. Made it clear she didn’t want me calling.’

‘I hate her,’ Freya said suddenly.

‘Freya!’ Matt shot her an appalled look. ‘That’s a bit strong. We don’t even really know her.’

Freya shrugged apologetically. ‘I know, I know …’ She turned towards Charlotte. ‘But it feels a bit like a bereavement, except that he’s still alive and well and living just a mile or so away.’ She bit her lip and glanced at Matt. ‘And he wouldn’t say so but I know how hurt Matt is. Ben is his oldest, closest friend and yet he doesn’t even hear from him anymore.’

Matt’s eyes clouded slightly and he picked up his bottle of beer. ‘That’s not strictly true. He calls sometimes when she’s out.’

Charlotte tutted, infuriated and unnerved by what she was hearing. ‘But why would she not want him to speak to you guys?’

Matt and Freya both shook their heads. ‘No idea. Control, maybe?’ Freya said at last. ‘She does seem very possessive and domineering.’

Charlotte nodded, feeling guilty. This was all her fault. If she hadn’t broken up with Ben, he would never have met Bella and maybe it would be the two of them celebrating the birth of their first child. There was no way she’d have allowed Ben to shut out his oldest friends. They would have been with them every step of the way. ‘What would happen if you ignored the way she’s been behaving and just acted the way you always did? Why don’t you just go round with some flowers and a present for the baby? You used to pop by all the time, so it wouldn’t be anything out of the ordinary.’

Matt recoiled in horror. ‘It would now! Honestly, Charlie, you have no idea how different things are to when you two were together. She’s so cold towards us. She would make it clear we weren’t welcome.’

‘So what?’ Charlotte looked from Matt to Freya defiantly. ‘You aren’t there to see her, you’re there to see your friend and his new baby daughter. If she doesn’t want to see you, she can always go out.’ She could feel the anger bubbling up inside her and knew it was borne out of guilt. But on the other hand, they couldn’t just accept that a lifelong friendship was over because Bella wanted him all to herself. ‘And I’m sure she’s not that bad?’

‘She is!’ Freya shot back. ‘Matt’s not exaggerating when he says she’s really off with us. She just has this way of making you feel so unwelcome, even when we’re not at their flat.’

Charlotte tried not to feel hurt at the description of the flat as ‘theirs’. Yes, Ben’s parents had bought it for him but it was she who had helped him choose it and furnish it, back in the days when she and Ben were so happy and excited about the future. But it was also she who had walked away from it, leaving Ben battered and broken, and vulnerable to the attentions of someone like Bella. ‘Well,’ she said at last. ‘I think you should just turn up and act like nothing’s wrong. Buy something lovely for the baby and behave as you normally would. You owe it to Ben …’

Matt stood up suddenly. ‘Just going to the loo,’ he said, by way of explanation as he strode off.

Charlotte and Freya watched him go. ‘He’s taken it quite badly,’ Freya began. ‘I think he’s just so unbelievably hurt. He and Ben have been inseparable since primary school. It just seems so unfair that this … this bitch, can have got her claws into him so quickly and so bloody effectively.’

Charlotte shifted in her seat uncomfortably. ‘It does,’ she agreed. ‘What if you were to speak to him? Alone.’

‘How?’ Freya looked gloomy. ‘She never leaves him on his own for a minute.’

‘She’s not with him at work. You could go and wait for him outside his office.’

Freya smiled slightly, as she digested the idea. ‘What? Ambush him, you mean?’

Charlotte picked up her glass and took a large slug of her wine. ‘Well, yes, I suppose that is what I mean. But at least Bella wouldn’t be there and you could ask him outright why he’s shutting you and Matt out all of a sudden.’

Freya squirmed in her seat and worry lines creased her brow. ‘I don’t know … what if he gets cross with me?’

‘Why would he? You haven’t done anything wrong. And you know Ben – he absolutely adores you.’

‘Do you think so?’

‘Yes, absolutely!’ Charlotte could feel herself warming to her theme. ‘And you never know, he might have a perfectly rational explanation that will put your mind at rest and then you can reassure Matt that it’s just a temporary blip and things will be back to normal soon.’

Freya reached across the table and took Charlotte’s hand in hers. ‘Oh God, I miss you so much, Charlie. We both do.’

‘I miss you guys, too.’ Charlotte swallowed hard, afraid she might cry.

‘Is there anyone on the scene at all?’ Freya dropped her hand and changed the subject, as if sensing that Charlotte might be wobbling.

Charlotte wrinkled her nose and shook her head. ‘No, not really. I don’t think I’m in the right frame of mind to have a relationship at the moment, anyway, so it’s probably no bad thing.’

‘No, maybe not.’ Freya looked suddenly wistful and smiled. ‘Although it would be great if you could find someone nice and we could have a whole new foursome.’

Charlotte tried to smile, but found that the corners of her mouth refused to turn upwards. ‘The trouble is that I found someone nice and dumped him, like the complete bloody idiot I am. Now all I can think is that there’ll never be anyone as good as him again.’

Freya shook her head. ‘I’m not going to say that I always thought there was something lacking in your relationship with Ben because I didn’t. But for you to have broken up with him when you did, when he was on the verge of proposing …’

Charlotte spluttered on her wine and her eyes widened. ‘What?’

Freya’s cheeks flushed slightly and she nodded. ‘Yes … I thought you knew? He didn’t exactly make a secret of it.’

Charlotte looked away, thinking. Yes, she probably did know, and maybe that’s what had made her get cold feet so suddenly. It was the enormity of it all.

‘So, what I’m saying,’ Freya continued, ‘is that you obviously did think there was something not quite right. Don’t be too hard on yourself, Charlie, because maybe, just maybe, you did the right thing for you.’

Charlotte so wanted to believe her. To think that she had been unhappy and that the relationship had run its course. But she knew deep down that it hadn’t and that she had just had a panic about the future and wanted to clear her head. Now it was too late and whatever she did, she couldn’t turn back time and make everything right again.

Chapter Eight

Freya pulled her fitted leather jacket a little tighter around her body. It was a surprisingly chilly day for early March and she stamped her feet to try to warm up her feet inside her ankle boots, as she scanned the lunchtime crowds for Ben’s familiar dark head. As he was usually a few inches taller than everyone else around him, she had thought that he’d be easier to spot, but she hadn’t caught sight of him yet and was beginning to worry that maybe she’d missed him.

She was just contemplating giving up, when he appeared, head down and his hands stuffed deep in to the pockets of his coat, which looked considerably warmer than hers.

‘Ben!’ Freya stepped into his path and gave a nervous wave.

Ben’s eyes widened in surprise and he pulled up sharply. ‘Hey, Freya! What a lovely surprise!’ He held his arms out widely and pulled her into a hug.

Freya allowed herself to be drawn into his embrace and held on to him for what she knew was a fraction too long. She could feel the tears pricking her eyes as she felt a wave of longing. The aching familiarity of him was so strong that, for the first time, she realized how painfully she had borne his absence and truly understood how Matt must have been feeling.

‘What are you doing here?’ Ben gently extricated himself from her arms and shoved his hands back into the pockets of his overcoat, shuffling from foot to foot.

Freya took a deep breath. ‘I wanted to see you. You haven’t been returning our calls and our texts aren’t getting through …’ She hesitated. ‘I just wanted to make sure you were OK.’

Ben frowned. ‘Yeah, everything’s fine. Look, I was just about to grab a sandwich, do you want to join me?’

Freya beamed. ‘I’d love to.’

They headed for a café near Ben’s office and found a table. ‘What can I get you?’ he asked, gesturing towards the counter.

‘Oh, thanks, Ben. A cheese and ham toastie would be lovely.’

Ben smiled. ‘Of course. I should have remembered. I’ll have the same.’

Freya watched him ordering and paying for their food, trying to analyse whether there was anything different about him. He looked a bit more tired and there were shadows under his eyes but that was understandable with a new baby. Other than that, he looked pretty much the same as he ever had.

He carried a tray over to their small, round, marble table. ‘Dinner is served!’

Freya laughed. ‘And very nice it looks, too. Thank you.’

Ben took a seat opposite her and picked up his toastie, taking a huge bite. ‘Mmmm, I haven’t had one of these for ages. Bloody lovely!’

‘Yep,’ Freya agreed, as they chewed in comfortable silence. ‘So, how is Elodie?’

Ben smiled, as crumbs spilled out of his mouth and he wiped them with a napkin. ‘She’s adorable. Really gorgeous.’

‘Got any photos?’

‘Hang on.’ Ben finished his toastie with one final huge bite and wiped his hands on his napkin before fumbling for his phone. He frowned slightly as he scrolled through his pictures, until he found one he liked and handed it to Freya.

On the screen was a picture of Bella looking serenely at the camera, clutching a beautiful baby girl with a shock of black hair to her chest. ‘Oh my, Ben, she is so, so lovely. They both are.’ As she looked back at the screen, a message notification flashed up, blocking the photo.

Bella: Where the fuck are you?

‘Oh! You’ve got a message,’ she said, feeling embarrassed for him as she handed back the phone.

Ben raised his eyebrows in surprise and took the phone from her. He read the message and flushed slightly.

‘Is everything OK, Ben?’ Freya asked gently, knowing that she needed to seize the opportunity.

‘Of course. Why wouldn’t it be?’ Ben was immediately on the defensive, his eyes flickering from side to side.

‘It’s just that … well, we haven’t seen you. Matt’s called you several times and you haven’t called him back. We haven’t even met Elodie yet. I just wondered if there’s something going on?’

Ben’s face darkened. ‘Is that why you ambushed me?’

Freya sighed. ‘Well, yes. How the hell else are we supposed to see you if you won’t return our calls? If you change your mobile number and don’t let us have the new one?’

Ben’s eyes held hers for a moment, before sliding away. ‘I didn’t even know you’d called …’

‘Didn’t Bella mention it?’

‘No.’ Ben’s chewed the inside of his lip. ‘But she’s been a bit busy lately … it probably just slipped her mind.’

Freya’s chest quivered with irritation. ‘Really? Only Matt’s called quite a few times. He’s so hurt, Ben.’

‘For fuck’s sake, he’s not five years old!’ Ben’s cheek pulsed and he tutted to himself.

‘OK.’ Freya stood up, her metal chair scraping on the tiled floor as she pushed it backwards. ‘I don’t know what’s going on with you, Ben, but you’re behaving like a dick. Frankly, I don’t give a damn if you don’t want to see me but the least you can do is give Matt a call back.’

Ben looked up at her in surprise. ‘I will!’ he snapped. He ran his hand through his hair and sighed. ‘It’s just a bit hectic right now.’ He reached out to take her arm. ‘Don’t go like this, Frey, I’m sorry. Stay and finish your toastie.’

Freya hesitated, before sitting back down. ‘Lots of sleepless nights, is it?’

Ben nodded. ‘Yeah. She’s a good baby but they’re bloody hard work, you know?’ He gave a small, apologetic laugh. ‘I love being a dad but I hadn’t expected it to be so … draining. Honestly, it’s just relentless and the lack of sleep does get to you.’

‘I can only imagine.’ Freya could feel herself softening towards him again, glad that he was opening up a bit.

‘Bella’s coping brilliantly. But it gets lonely for her, at home on her own all day. She’s desperate for some adult company and for someone else to take over by the time I walk through the door. No matter how busy I’ve been at work, it’s nothing compared to the drudgery of looking after a baby all day.’

Freya smiled sympathetically. ‘I’m sure. But I bet your mum and Bella’s mum have been a permanent fixture. That must be a big help.’

‘Hmmm.’ Ben looked away, clearly embarrassed. ‘Bella’s mum is around a bit but my mum’s keeping her distance. I think she’s worried about being seen as the archetypal interfering mother-in-law.’

‘Jo would never be that!’

Ben pulled a wry face. ‘Not sure Bella would agree with you there.’

A tiny alarm bell rang somewhere in a distant corner of Freya’s mind. ‘Do they not get on then?’ she ventured tentatively, wary of setting him off again.

‘No.’ Ben shook his head slightly. ‘There was … there was a bit of an argument at Christmas. Bella overheard Mum describing her as an attention-seeking little madam.’

Freya tried to keep a straight face. It sounded like a perfect description of Bella to her. ‘Ouch.’

Ben laughed. ‘Yeah, you could say that. It didn’t make for a very happy family Christmas, put it that way. We headed back to London there and then and we haven’t seen her since.’

Freya gasped. ‘So she still hasn’t seen the baby?’

Ben suddenly looked desperately sad. ‘No.’

Freya was so shocked it took her a few moments to find her voice. ‘But … that must have been devastating for her. When is she going to see her?’

‘I’m not entirely sure. Bella’s insistent she won’t let her visit but she won’t let me take Elodie to see her alone either. Don’t think she trusts me to look after her by myself!’ He tried to laugh again but it seemed to dry in his throat.

After another stunned silence, as she tried to digest his words, Freya shook her head and spoke: ‘Well, you obviously can’t carry on like this. Why doesn’t Jo just apologize?’

Ben shrugged. ‘She’s tried. She’s phoned, sent a card, sent a text, but I think Bella was so hurt that she refuses to accept it.’

Freya frowned. ‘Poor Jo.’

‘Poor Bella, you mean?’

‘No, actually, I don’t.’ Freya paused. ‘It’s really unlike Jo to have said something like that. What was the reason?’

Ben shrugged. ‘She doesn’t seem to need a reason. She’s never liked Bella.’

Freya shook her head fiercely. ‘No! That’s not true, Ben. Your mum is one of the nicest people I’ve ever met and she’s never said anything to suggest that she doesn’t like Bella. Something must have caused her to snap like that. Was she under a lot of stress at the time?’

Ben pursed his lips, as if he was considering whether to say what he was about to say. ‘I suppose so. Emma had had a car crash and …’

‘Oh my God!’ Freya interrupted him, clamping her hand over her mouth. ‘Is she OK?’

‘Yeah, she’s fine.’ Ben batted her concern away with a wave of his hand. ‘Bit of a bump on her head and she was pretty shaken up.’

‘Well then!’ Freya cried. ‘Of course that’s the reason. It’s so out of character for Jo. Surely Bella can understand that? Especially now she’s got a little girl of her own! She must understand how upsetting it is for your child to be injured, however old they are …?’

‘I don’t know.’ Ben sounded weary. ‘She doesn’t seem to be in the mood for reconciliation anyway, so there’s not much I can do, is there?’

‘Oh come on, Ben! Are you honestly going to let one little comment come between you and your lovely mum? I just don’t understand it – you’ve always been so close.’ Freya could feel the tears threatening on Jo’s behalf. She just knew how devastated Jo would be feeling, especially to have been kept away from her first grandchild. It seemed so cruel.

‘Oh God, I know, it’s just that I feel a bit torn. Obviously, my loyalty has to be with Bella and Elodie right now.’

Freya tried not to let her irritation show. ‘Of course it does. But you shouldn’t be put in a position where you have to choose between your mum and your wife. There’s room for both of them, surely?’

Ben exhaled loudly. ‘To be honest, it’s not worth the grief I’ll get.’

Freya could feel her eyes narrowing, despite trying to keep her expression neutral. ‘That’s why you’ve cut us off, too, isn’t it? Because Bella doesn’t like us?’

‘No!’ The defiance flashed back into Ben’s eyes.

Freya shook her head sadly. ‘I should have known, after the last time we came round and she didn’t turn up.’

‘There was a very good reason for that and it had nothing to do with you coming round.’

‘Really?’ Freya couldn’t hide her scepticism.

‘Yes!’ Ben shot back crossly.

‘OK, if you say so.’

There was a long, awkward pause. Around them, the café was filling up with lunchtime customers and the sound of clattering plates ricocheted from wall to wall with a jarring, discordant beat.

‘Look, Ben,’ Freya began, wondering how far she could push it. ‘All I’m saying is, it seems a real shame that you’ve suddenly stopped seeing your family and friends, when we were always so close. It was never like this when you were with Charlotte …’ She paused, knowing she was stepping onto dangerous territory.

‘Oh yeah, and look what all those years of being with Charlotte did for me!’ Ben snapped. ‘She dumped me, remember!’

‘I know. Believe me, she regrets that now.’

Ben bit his lip, and looked out of the window onto the pavement beyond, where dozens of pedestrians danced balletically around one another, hurrying on their way. ‘Does she?’

‘Yes, of course she does. Her dad dying affected her really badly and she just had a bit of a panic. By the time she realized what she’d done, it was too late.’

‘How is she?’ Ben continued to stare out of the window as he spoke, trying to feign indifference.

‘She’s OK.’

‘Is she … is she still single?’

Freya smiled. ‘Yes. Believe it or not, you’re quite a hard act to follow, Ben Gordon.’

Ben gave a hollow laugh. ‘I thought she would end up with that guy, Luke, the one she worked with. She certainly talked about him a lot, just before we broke up.’

Freya shook her head. ‘No, they were just friends. Still are. He’s with someone else.’

Ben nodded and looked back at Freya. ‘It doesn’t matter now anyway.’

‘No,’ Freya agreed. ‘And she’s happy for you that you’ve moved on and that you and Bella have had a baby. She knows how much you wanted kids.’

‘Yeah, I think that was part of the problem. I did, she didn’t.’

‘It’s not quite that simple. It wasn’t that she didn’t want kids, I think she just wanted to be absolutely sure that you were the right one to have them with.’

‘Yeah, I get that. Oh well, it obviously wasn’t meant to be or it wouldn’t have gone wrong, would it?’ He stood up. ‘Anyway, I really need to be getting back to work.’

Freya stood up too and they walked out of the café together. ‘It’s lovely to see you, Ben, I’ve missed you.’

Ben reached down to hug her. ‘You too.’

‘And I know things are busy but will you give Matt a call when you get a chance?’

Ben nodded. ‘Sure. ’Bye, Freya.’

‘’Bye,’ she called after him, realizing as he was swallowed up by the crowd that she should have asked for his new number. As she watched him go, already on his phone, presumably to explain his whereabouts to a furious Bella, she had a horrible feeling she wouldn’t be seeing him again for a very long time.