Kitabı oku: «Villa Rubein, and Other Stories», sayfa 9

XXIII

It was not till morning that Christian fell into a troubled sleep. She dreamed that a voice was calling her, and she was filled with a helpless, dumb dream terror.

When she woke the light was streaming in; it was Sunday, and the cathedral bells were chiming. Her first thought was of Harz. One step, one moment of courage! Why had she not told her uncle? If he had only asked! But why – why should she tell him? When it was over and she was gone, he would see that all was for the best.

Her eyes fell on Greta’s empty bed. She sprang up, and bending over, kissed the pillow. ‘She will mind at first; but she’s so young! Nobody will really miss me, except Uncle Nic!’ She stood along while in the window without moving. When she was dressed she called out to her maid:

“Bring me some milk, Barbi; I’m going to church.”

“Ach! gnadiges Fraulein, will you no breakfast have?”

“No thank you, Barbi.”

“Liebes Fraulein, what a beautiful morning after the rain it has become! How cool! It is for you good – for the colour in your cheeks; now they will bloom again!” and Barbi stroked her own well-coloured cheeks.

Dominique, sunning himself outside with a cloth across his arm, bowed as she passed, and smiled affectionately:

“He is better this morning, M’mselle. We march – we are getting on. Good news will put the heart into you.”

Christian thought: ‘How sweet every one is to-day!’

Even the Villa seemed to greet her, with the sun aslant on it; and the trees, trembling and weeping golden tears. At the cathedral she was early for the service, but here and there were figures on their knees; the faint, sickly odour of long-burnt incense clung in the air; a priest moved silently at the far end. She knelt, and when at last she rose the service had begun. With the sound of the intoning a sense of peace came to her – the peace of resolution. For good or bad she felt that she had faced her fate.

She went out with a look of quiet serenity and walked home along the dyke. Close to Harz’s studio she sat down. Now – it was her own; all that had belonged to him, that had ever had a part in him.

An old beggar, who had been watching her, came gently from behind. “Gracious lady!” he said, peering at her eyes, “this is the lucky day for you. I have lost my luck.”

Christian opened her purse, there was only one coin in it, a gold piece; the beggar’s eyes sparkled.

She thought suddenly: ‘It’s no longer mine; I must begin to be careful,’ but she felt ashamed when she looked at the old man.

“I am sorry,” she said; “yesterday I would have given you this, but – but now it’s already given.”

He seemed so old and poor – what could she give him? She unhooked a little silver brooch at her throat. “You will get something for that,” she said; “it’s better than nothing. I am very sorry you are so old and poor.”

The beggar crossed himself. “Gracious lady,” he muttered, “may you never want!”

Christian hurried on; the rustling of leaves soon carried the words away. She did not feel inclined to go in, and crossing the bridge began to climb the hill. There was a gentle breeze, drifting the clouds across the sun; lizards darted out over the walls, looked at her, and whisked away.

The sunshine, dappling through the tops of trees, gashed down on a torrent. The earth smelt sweet, the vineyards round the white farms glistened; everything seemed to leap and dance with sap and life; it was a moment of Spring in midsummer. Christian walked on, wondering at her own happiness.

‘Am I heartless?’ she thought. ‘I am going to leave him – I am going into life; I shall have to fight now, there’ll be no looking back.’

The path broke away and wound down to the level of the torrent; on the other side it rose again, and was lost among trees. The woods were dank; she hastened home.

In her room she began to pack, sorting and tearing up old letters. ‘Only one thing matters,’ she thought; ‘singleness of heart; to see your way, and keep to it with all your might.’

She looked up and saw Barbi standing before her with towels in her hands, and a scared face.

“Are you going a journey, gnadiges Fraulein?”

“I am going away to be married, Barbi,” said Christian at last; “don’t speak of it to any one, please.”

Barbi leant a little forward with the towels clasped to the blue cotton bosom of her dress.

“No, no! I will not speak. But, dear Fraulein, that is a big matter; have you well thought?”

“Thought, Barbi? Have I not!”

“But, dear Fraulein, will you be rich?”

“No! I shall be as poor as you.”

“Ach! dear God! that is terrible. Katrina, my sister, she is married; she tells me all her life; she tells me it is very hard, and but for the money in her stocking it would be harder. Dear Fraulein, think again! And is he good? Sometimes they are not good.”

“He is good,” said Christian, rising; “it is all settled!” and she kissed Barbi on the cheek.

“You are crying, liebes Fraulein! Think yet again, perhaps it is not quite all settled; it is not possible that a maiden should not a way out leave?”

Christian smiled. “I don’t do things that way, Barbi.”

Barbi hung the towels on the horse, and crossed herself.

XXIV

Mr. Treffry’s gaze was fixed on a tortoise-shell butterfly fluttering round the ceiling. The insect seemed to fascinate him, as things which move quickly always fascinate the helpless. Christian came softly in.

“Couldn’t stay in bed, Chris,” he called out with an air of guilt. “The heat was something awful. The doctor piped off in a huff, just because o’ this.” He motioned towards a jug of claret-cup and a pipe on the table by his elbow. “I was only looking at ‘em.”

Christian, sitting down beside him, took up a fan.

“If I could get out of this heat – ” he said, and closed his eyes.

‘I must tell him,’ she thought; ‘I can’t slink away.’

“Pour me out some of that stuff, Chris.”

She reached for the jug. Yes! She must tell him! Her heart sank.

Mr. Treffry took a lengthy draught. “Broken my promise; don’t matter – won’t hurt any one but me.” He took up the pipe and pressed tobacco into it. “I’ve been lying here with this pain going right through me, and never a smoke! D’you tell me anything the parsons say can do me half the good of this pipe?” He leaned back, steeped in a luxury of satisfaction. He went on, pursuing a private train of thought: “Things have changed a lot since my young days. When I was a youngster, a young fellow had to look out for peck and perch – he put the future in his pocket. He did well or not, according as he had stuff in him. Now he’s not content with that, it seems – trades on his own opinion of himself; thinks he is what he says he’s going to be.”

“You are unjust,” said Christian.

Mr. Treffry grunted. “Ah, well! I like to know where I am. If I lend money to a man, I like to know whether he’s going to pay it back; I may not care whether he does or not, but I like to know. The same with other things. I don’t care what a man has – though, mind you, Chris, it’s not a bad rule that measures men by the balance at their banks; but when it comes to marriage, there’s a very simple rule, What’s not enough for one is not enough for two. You can’t talk black white, or bread into your mouth. I don’t care to speak about myself, as you know, Chris, but I tell you this – when I came to London I wanted to marry – I hadn’t any money, and I had to want. When I had the money – but that’s neither here nor there!” He frowned, fingering his pipe.

“I didn’t ask her, Chris; I didn’t think it the square thing; it seems that’s out of fashion!”

Christian’s cheeks were burning.

“I think a lot while I lie here,” Mr. Treffry went on; “nothing much else to do. What I ask myself is this: What do you know about what’s best for you? What do you know of life? Take it or leave it, life’s not all you think; it’s give and get all the way, a fair start is everything.”

Christian thought: ‘Will he never see?’

Mr. Treffry went on:

“I get better every day, but I can’t last for ever. It’s not pleasant to lie here and know that when I’m gone there’ll be no one to keep a hand on the check string!”

“Don’t talk like that, dear!” Christian murmured.

“It’s no use blinking facts, Chris. I’ve lived a long time in the world; I’ve seen things pretty well as they are; and now there’s not much left for me to think about but you.”

“But, Uncle, if you loved him, as I do, you couldn’t tell me to be afraid! It’s cowardly and mean to be afraid. You must have forgotten!”

Mr. Treffry closed his eyes.

“Yes,” he said; “I’m old.”

The fan had dropped into Christian’s lap; it rested on her white frock like a large crimson leaf; her eyes were fixed on it.

Mr. Treffry looked at her. “Have you heard from him?” he asked with sudden intuition.

“Last night, in that room, when you thought I was talking to Dominique – ”

The pipe fell from his hand.

“What!” he stammered: “Back?”

Christian, without looking up, said:

“Yes, he’s back; he wants me – I must go to him, Uncle.”

There was a long silence.

“You must go to him?” he repeated.

She longed to fling herself down at his knees, but he was so still, that to move seemed impossible; she remained silent, with folded hands.

Mr. Treffry spoke:

“You’ll let me know – before – you – go. Goodnight!”

Christian stole out into the passage. A bead curtain rustled in the draught; voices reached her.

“My honour is involved, or I would give the case up.”

“He is very trying, poor Nicholas! He always had that peculiar quality of opposition; it has brought him to grief a hundred times. There is opposition in our blood; my family all have it. My eldest brother died of it; with my poor sister, who was as gentle as a lamb, it took the form of doing the right thing in the wrong place. It is a matter of temperament, you see. You must have patience.”

“Patience,” repeated Dawney’s voice, “is one thing; patience where there is responsibility is another. I’ve not had a wink of sleep these last two nights.”

There was a faint, shrill swish of silk.

“Is he so very ill?”

Christian held her breath. The answer came at last.

“Has he made his will? With this trouble in the side again, I tell you plainly, Mrs. Decie, there’s little or no chance.”

Christian put her hands up to her ears, and ran out into the air. What was she about to do, then – to leave him dying!

XXV

On the following day Harz was summoned to the Villa. Mr. Treffry had just risen, and was garbed in a dressing-suit, old and worn, which had a certain air of magnificence. His seamed cheeks were newly shaved.

“I hope I see you well,” he said majestically.

Thinking of the drive and their last parting, Harz felt sorry and ashamed. Suddenly Christian came into the room; she stood for a moment looking at him; then sat down.

“Chris!” said Mr. Treffry reproachfully. She shook her head, and did not move; mournful and intent, her eyes seemed full of secret knowledge.

Mr. Treffry spoke:

“I’ve no right to blame you, Mr. Harz, and Chris tells me you came to see me first, which is what I would have expected of you; but you shouldn’t have come back.”

“I came back, sir, because I found I was obliged. I must speak out.”

“I ask nothing better,” Mr. Treffry replied.

Harz looked again at Christian; but she made no sign, sitting with her chin resting on her hands.

“I have come for her,” he said; “I can make my living – enough for both of us. But I can’t wait.”

“Why?”

Harz made no answer.

Mr. Treffry boomed out again: “Why? Isn’t she worth waiting for? Isn’t she worth serving for?”

“I can’t expect you to understand me,” the painter said. “My art is my life to me. Do you suppose that if it wasn’t I should ever have left my village; or gone through all that I’ve gone through, to get as far even as I am? You tell me to wait. If my thoughts and my will aren’t free, how can I work? I shan’t be worth my salt. You tell me to go back to England – knowing she is here, amongst you who hate me, a thousand miles away. I shall know that there’s a death fight going on in her and outside her against me – you think that I can go on working under these conditions. Others may be able, I am not. That’s the plain truth. If I loved her less – ”

There was a silence, then Mr. Treffry said:

“It isn’t fair to come here and ask what you’re asking. You don’t know what’s in the future for you, you don’t know that you can keep a wife. It isn’t pleasant, either, to think you can’t hold up your head in your own country.”

Harz turned white.

“Ah! you bring that up again!” he broke out. “Seven years ago I was a boy and starving; if you had been in my place you would have done what I did. My country is as much to me as your country is to you. I’ve been an exile seven years, I suppose I shall always be I’ve had punishment enough; but if you think I am a rascal, I’ll go and give myself up.” He turned on his heel.

“Stop! I beg your pardon! I never meant to hurt you. It isn’t easy for me to eat my words,” Mr. Treffry said wistfully, “let that count for something.” He held out his hand.

Harz came quickly back and took it. Christian’s gaze was never for a moment withdrawn; she seemed trying to store up the sight of him within her. The light darting through the half-closed shutters gave her eyes a strange, bright intensity, and shone in the folds of her white dress like the sheen of birds’ wings.

Mr. Treffry glanced uneasily about him. “God knows I don’t want anything but her happiness,” he said. “What is it to me if you’d murdered your mother? It’s her I’m thinking of.”

“How can you tell what is happiness to her? You have your own ideas of happiness – not hers, not mine. You can’t dare to stop us, sir!”

“Dare?” said Mr. Treffry. “Her father gave her over to me when she was a mite of a little thing; I’ve known her all her life. I’ve – I’ve loved her – and you come here with your ‘dare’.” His hand dragged at his beard, and shook as though palsied.

A look of terror came into Christian’s face.

“All right, Chris! I don’t ask for quarter, and I don’t give it!”

Harz made a gesture of despair.

“I’ve acted squarely by you, sir,” Mr. Treffry went on, “I ask the same of you. I ask you to wait, and come like an honest man, when you can say, ‘I see my way – here’s this and that for her.’ What makes this art you talk of different from any other call in life? It doesn’t alter facts, or give you what other men have no right to expect. It doesn’t put grit into you, or keep your hands clean, or prove that two and two make five.”

Harz answered bitterly:

“You know as much of art as I know of money. If we live a thousand years we shall never understand each other. I am doing what I feel is best for both of us.”

Mr. Treffry took hold of the painter’s sleeve.

“I make you an offer,” he said. “Your word not to see or write to her for a year! Then, position or not, money or no money, if she’ll have you, I’ll make it right for you.”

“I could not take your money.”

A kind of despair seemed suddenly to seize on Mr. Nicholas Treffry. He rose, and stood towering over them.

“All my life – ” he said; but something seemed to click deep down in his throat, and he sank back in his seat.

“Go!” whispered Christian, “go!” But Mr. Treffry found his voice again: “It’s for the child to say. Well, Chris!”

Christian did not speak.

It was Harz who broke the silence. He pointed to Mr. Treffry.

“You know I can’t tell you to come with – that, there. Why did you send for me?” And, turning, he went out.

Christian sank on her knees, burying her face in her hands. Mr. Treffry pressed his handkerchief with a stealthy movement to his mouth. It was dyed crimson with the price of his victory.

XXVI

A telegram had summoned Herr Paul from Vienna. He had started forthwith, leaving several unpaid accounts to a more joyful opportunity, amongst them a chemist’s bill, for a wonderful quack medicine of which he brought six bottles.

He came from Mr. Treffry’s room with tears rolling down his cheeks, saying:

“Poor Nicholas! Poor Nicholas! Il n’a pas de chance!”

It was difficult to find any one to listen; the women were scared and silent, waiting for the orders that were now and then whispered through the door. Herr Paul could not bear this silence, and talked to his servant for half an hour, till Fritz also vanished to fetch something from the town. Then in despair Herr Paul went to his room.

It was hard not to be allowed to help – it was hard to wait! When the heart was suffering, it was frightful! He turned and, looking furtively about him, lighted a cigar. Yes, it came to every one – at some time or other; and what was it, that death they talked of? Was it any worse than life? That frightful jumble people made for themselves! Poor Nicholas! After all, it was he that had the luck!

His eyes filled with tears, and drawing a penknife from his pocket, he began to stab it into the stuffing of his chair. Scruff, who sat watching the chink of light under the door, turned his head, blinked at him, and began feebly tapping with a claw.

It was intolerable, this uncertainty – to be near, and yet so far, was not endurable!

Herr Paul stepped across the room. The dog, following, threw his black-marked muzzle upwards with a gruff noise, and went back to the door. His master was holding in his hand a bottle of champagne.

Poor Nicholas! He had chosen it. Herr Paul drained a glass.

Poor Nicholas! The prince of fellows, and of what use was one? They kept him away from Nicholas!

Herr Paul’s eyes fell on the terrier. “Ach! my dear,” he said, “you and I, we alone are kept away!”

He drained a second glass.

What was it? This life! Froth-like that! He tossed off a third glass. Forget! If one could not help, it was better to forget!

He put on his hat. Yes. There was no room for him there! He was not wanted!

He finished the bottle, and went out into the passage. Scruff ran and lay down at Mr. Treffry’s door. Herr Paul looked at him. “Ach!” he said, tapping his chest, “ungrateful hound!” And opening the front door he went out on tiptoe…

Late that afternoon Greta stole hatless through the lilac bushes; she looked tired after her night journey, and sat idly on a chair in the speckled shadow of a lime-tree.

‘It is not like home,’ she thought; ‘I am unhappy. Even the birds are silent, but perhaps that is because it is so hot. I have never been sad like this – for it is not fancy that I am sad this time, as it is sometimes. It is in my heart like the sound the wind makes through a wood, it feels quite empty in my heart. If it is always like this to be unhappy, then I am sorry for all the unhappy things in the world; I am sorrier than I ever was before.’

A shadow fell on the grass, she raised her eyes, and saw Dawney.

“Dr. Edmund!” she whispered.

Dawney turned to her; a heavy furrow showed between his brows. His eyes, always rather close together, stared painfully.

“Dr. Edmund,” Greta whispered, “is it true?”

He took her hand, and spread his own palm over it.

“Perhaps,” he said; “perhaps not. We must hope.”

Greta looked up, awed.

“They say he is dying.”

“We have sent for the best man in Vienna.”

Greta shook her head.

“But you are clever, Dr. Edmund; and you are afraid.”

“He is brave,” said Dawney; “we must all be brave, you know. You too!”

“Brave?” repeated Greta; “what is it to be brave? If it is not to cry and make a fuss – that I can do. But if it is not to be sad in here,” she touched her breast, “that I cannot do, and it shall not be any good for me to try.”

“To be brave is to hope; don’t give up hope, dear.”

“No,” said Greta, tracing the pattern of the sunlight on her skirt. “But I think that when we hope, we are not brave, because we are expecting something for ourselves. Chris says that hope is prayer, and if it is prayer, then all the time we are hoping, we are asking for something, and it is not brave to ask for things.”

A smile curved Dawney’s mouth.

“Go on, Philosopher!” he said. “Be brave in your own way, it will be just as good as anybody else’s.”

“What are you going to do to be brave, Dr. Edmund?”

“I? Fight! If only we had five years off his life!”

Greta watched him as he walked away.

“I shall never be brave,” she mourned; “I shall always be wanting to be happy.” And, kneeling down, she began to disentangle a fly, imprisoned in a cobweb. A plant of hemlock had sprung up in the long grass by her feet. Greta thought, dismayed: ‘There are weeds!’

It seemed but another sign of the death of joy.

‘But it’s very beautiful,’ she thought, ‘the blossoms are like stars. I am not going to pull it up. I will leave it; perhaps it will spread all through the garden; and if it does I do not care, for now things are not like they used to be and I do not, think they ever shall be again.’