Kitabı oku: «The Last of Us», sayfa 3

Nineteen days ago

It’s a clock which wakes me, which means I’m in trouble, as the alarms were meant to be turned off.

There’s a big mess in the room. I only notice it when it gets bad enough to hide nearly all the floor. There’s dirty clothes belonging to Alex: hanging in fankles from the pram we brought in last night. I think the pram was from a game he was playing: another game where he fell asleep and had to be lifted to bed.

We began shopping for clocks to keep time. Best of all is the radio-clock which Calum Ian found, which even tells the day of the week and the date. Still though, it doesn’t remind you of what dates are important, or the dates you might forget. Alex couldn’t remember his birthday: was it the 11^th or 12^th of March? Then when the lambs came nobody knew if that meant it was Easter, or spring.

We found a diary in the post office which gave us the date of Easter. But what about spring? Then Duncan noticed we’d passed a day called British Summer Time Begins. That told us it was summer, and that we were already in it. But where had spring gone?

I looked in the library, but there wasn’t any useful books on it, not even in Space & Time.

Elizabeth is writing a new sign. She adds to the bottom of it then pins it between our beds, next to the posters for Health and Wellbeing and Food Groups and How We Grow.

Alex stands in front, reading slowly with his finger.

1 RULES FOR OUR HOME

1 Tidy as you go.

2 Share food & don’t waste food.

3 Paper plates save water.

4 Make your own bed. I am not your mother

5 Don’t go to the toilet too close to the back door.

6 Dog poo on shoes indoors – bad!

7 Save batteries – don’t leave torches on at night.

8 Matches, matches do not touch, they can hurt you very much.

9 Ghosts & zombies are not real.

10 If it smells – don’t eat (main exseptions food in tins, vinegar, food in jars, mushroom soup.)

11 Teamwork will work!

12 Alarm off on every clock!!

Alex and I stare at the rules, wondering who’s to blame. I decide that the rules fit most for him – apart from the mushroom soup and vinegar and alarms bit, and the bit about dog shit, which was anyway a mistake.

Me: ‘All we needed to do was check our feet. And paper plates, they get mushy after a while.’

Alex: ‘A minute after you put me to bed I’m asleep and the torch stays on all by itself.’

Me: ‘All flavours of soup stink.’

Alex: ‘Would we get a dog? If we had a stray dog we wouldn’t need to waste a single drop of food.’

Me: ‘You can’t trust dogs to watch your food. Anyway, Alex always stands in dog shit. It’s disgusting.’

Alex: ‘You’re a dog shit.’

Me: ‘You’re the king of dog shits.’

Elizabeth: ‘Stop it, both of you! OK? All I want is for you to help me a bit more, that’s all.’

We go back to staring at the rules. Most hark back to something that’s happened. It’s hard to get everything right all of the time. Still, Alex does need to be reminded about matches. That’s a big fascination of his.

We get up, get dressed, do the routine: radios (fizzing noise), teeth (gums fine). I put batteries in the portable TV/DVD player. Snowstorm. Alex takes his injection without fuss this morning, then we have our breakfast. Today for a treat it’s creamed rice, which I used to hate but now love, especially with jam. Then when we’re done Elizabeth goes through the cupboards, making notes of anything we need. I have a suspicion of what she’s going to say before she comes out with it.

Elizabeth: ‘There’s a big issue I kept off the rules. It would be great if you’d help.’

Alex’s eyes swing up from sucking his sleeve.

‘It would really help if you’d come New Shopping. Even if you end up staying outside, it doesn’t matter. It’d just be a help to have the company.’

Alex switches from sucking his sleeve to the neck of his T-shirt. The drool on his clothes makes him stink like a dog’s bone. I tell him to pack it in.

Elizabeth: ‘I’d appreciate it.’

Alex: ‘What about Duncan, and Calum Ian? Can they not be your sidekicks?’

Elizabeth: ‘Maybe they’ve decided to do their own shopping? I didn’t even ask. All I know is I can’t do ours all by myself.’

We think about it. Alex looks very doubting. He plays a blasting game with the lightsaber I made him out of yellow card and tinfoil.

Alex: ‘There is actually a black lightsaber.’

He says this when he’s trying to put you off. Usually the conversation goes: There is a black lightsaber – No there isn’t – Yes there is – No there can’t be because light is not black – Yes there is cos I saw it in my Star Wars Clone Wars Encyclopaedia. And black light is radiation. So there. This is what he says when he’s trying to pull the wool over.

Me: ‘Can we do something fun first?’

Elizabeth: ‘Like—?’

Me: ‘Can we go to the rocks and chuck bottles?’

Elizabeth: ‘We don’t just chuck bottles: we send messages. There has to be a purpose to everything.’

Alex: ‘Why?’

Elizabeth: ‘Because we lost our adults. Because we’re alone. So we do all we can, every minute of every day, to get help. Agreed?’

It isn’t always nice when she spells it out. Anyway, school’s cancelled. To make the agreement proper I head up to Elizabeth’s rule list and add underneath:

13. All go shopping (after nice stuff.)

This settles the business for the three of us. Then we shake on it so nobody can go back on their word.

We take the shore road towards Leideag. Some birds flap around like flags. Out to sea, those islands I can’t remember the names of. We always look for boats, though our eyes are getting used to not finding them.

Further along we join the beach. There’s a lot of mess on the sand, though nothing new. A jumble of rubber tyres with faded labels on them. Hundreds of kids’ plastic chairs, the sort you’d find in a playhouse. There was a skeleton in oilskins, now there’s just oilskins. Now and then the beach changes and a bone sticks out. Calum Ian and Duncan hate this beach, because they’re scared the bones and skeletons could be one of their uncles.

We come to the life jacket that used to be around the skeleton. It’s got foreign writing on it. It might be Spanish, or French? Anyway, it isn’t a local fisherman. Elizabeth has told this to the boys, but they’re too superstitious to even come close and they won’t ever listen.

A track takes us to the end of Leideag, to the radio mast and Message Rock. Calum Ian worked out it’s the best place to launch bottles: because it’s the bit of land sticking out, it’s outside the bay, and also, the island Orasaigh stops the bottles coming back in again. He even put out two markers – yellow wellie boots – at the best launch-off.

But now he won’t come, because he got cross last time we all came. The argument began with Alex:

Alex: ‘Don’t want to throw mine in.’

Elizabeth: ‘But you’re not losing it. You’re telling your wish to the sea by sending. That’s the rule.’

Calum Ian: ‘A lot of rubbish, making wishes. Seadh, I bet they won’t come true. I bet we all end up wishing for the same thing. That would be dumb.’

Elizabeth: ‘We might not.’

Calum Ian: ‘So what’d you wish for? And you? And you? Aye: you all wished for everyone to come back, didn’t you?’

Me: ‘How did you know?’

Calum Ian: ‘Stupid fucking rubbish, wishes.’

But this morning it’s just us three. For my message I draw a picture of me with realistic hair standing beside our house. The house is a deliberate kid’s version (lots of square windows, a pig’s tail of smoke from the chimney) for extra impact. Alex has drawn himself holding a black lightsaber. No details. Elizabeth has done all the details of herself: address, age, name, family name, class at school, hair colour, cos she’s like that.

We get to the sticking-out edge of Message Rock and chuck them in. My one seems to wait for a bit – then it hurries off. It always seems to be mine that gets washed back up on the beach, which makes Alex gloat. He says he has a better throw than me, but I think it’s just luck.

At school we learnt about St Kilda. The people there ran out of food and they got tetanus and anyway there was no TV so they sent sea-mail. Sea-mail from St Kilda doesn’t get to America, it gets to the mainland. It’s a law of nature for all time. When the rescuers finally got to St Kilda the men had waited so long they’d grown beards. No one wanted to stay after, so that was the end of St Kilda.

We watch the tide as it starts to cover the rocks guarding the bay. There’s seals on the rocks, curled up like black bananas, not caring about what happened.

Me: ‘To the seals it’s all normal. Except for the rubbish, and the oil slick, which anyway didn’t last.’

Alex: ‘I used to think there was a plughole and the sea was a sink. That’s why the tide went up and down.’

Elizabeth: ‘It’s a good idea.’

Me: ‘It’s eejit-talk.’

Alex: ‘You’re an eejit.’

Me: ‘Do whales not hibernate?’

Elizabeth: ‘I don’t think so. I never heard of that.’

Alex: ‘Why don’t people hibernate? Bears do. And squirrels. And birds.’

Me: ‘Birds don’t hibernate you eejit!’

Elizabeth: ‘Nobody’s an eejit, OK? It’s a good question. I don’t know why people don’t hibernate. We’re mammals after all, and some mammals hibernate.’

Alex: ‘Do you think my mum and dad might be hibernating?’

Elizabeth looks away to the wrecked trawler.

If the sun’s low we can watch the bottles bobbing and shining for a bit, until they pass over to the sound. This morning it isn’t long before they disappear, which makes me think about how big the sea is.

Big enough for the nearest island to be blue. The mainland, to be gone.

Back when we used to take the ferry it was five hours to Oban. It never seemed too far when there were TVs and DVDs and games and dinner and showers and friends to run around with. But now the sea goes on for ever.

Alex: ‘Goodbye bottle.’

Me: ‘It can’t hear you, it’s a bottle.’

Alex: ‘Are you sure there’s no ghosts on that ship?’

Elizabeth: ‘Positive.’

Alex: ‘My bad dream is when everyone starts to come alive. I see them coming from the boat. They walk along the bottom of the sea. Then they start to come up the beach and I’m running and crying. But I’m not proper running – my legs are too slow. Are you really sure?’

Elizabeth: ‘Yes.’

Alex: ‘How sure?’

Elizabeth: ‘Listen: Dad said there was no such thing as ghosts. He said ghosts were just a figment of the imagination.’

Alex: ‘What’s a figment?’

Elizabeth: ‘A part that’s not real. A part you ignore.’

There’s no hazard tape on the door. Elizabeth’s rule for this is: Be aware anyway. Someone was digging in the back garden: there’s a pit, lined with tatty plastic. There’s no broken windows, and the door’s unlocked.

Elizabeth goes in first. ‘Hullo?’ she shouts.

No answer.

The carpets are red and gold in patterns like a king’s robes. No smell. So far. Stairs with a metal chair for going up and down on, for someone old, or with a bad back, or broken legs. Elizabeth signals us in.

Downstairs there’s a front room, kitchen. It’s very untidy. The walls are golden from smoking. Out the kitchen window we see a back garden with gnomes. Some of them are fallen over, sleeping. Windchimes trying to wake them up.

In the kitchen cupboards of old people you’ll usually find golden syrup, gravy powder. Good finds today: oatcakes, digestives, lemon curd. Hot chocolate to add to our hot chocolate supply back home.

The fridge: shut. I wear my perfume-hanky and open it. Instant pong. The food inside gone slurpy black. Elizabeth works away behind me, collecting all the worthy stuff I can’t be fashed getting: hand-spray, mousetraps, gloves, hats, scarves, clothes. Alex comes back from the cupboard under the stairs with new bedsheets.

‘This is good – we’re working as a team,’ Elizabeth says. ‘See? It isn’t so bad, is it?’

Alex: ‘It is so bad. I’m never wearing those. That’s a scarf for an old dead lady, it’s poisoned.’

‘You won’t be saying that when it gets cold.’ ‘It’s summertime. It won’t get cold.’

‘It will in winter.’

‘But we won’t be here in winter. We’ll be rescued by then, won’t we?’

Elizabeth doesn’t even answer, just packs her New Shopping into plastic bags.

Upstairs, there’s a bathroom, two bedrooms. The bath and sink are unfilled. The main bedroom has one enormous TV. Nobody in the bed, but we knew that because there was no smell. Pill packets, dried-out cups, plates. A cross on the wall. Loads of old-fashioned DVDs, which Elizabeth says are of a type called westerns. Shane. High Noon. The Magnificent Seven. It smells of dust. There’s a dressing table with loads of pairs of crinkled tights hanging from its mirror.

The bed feels warm where the sun was on it.

Alex: ‘Dust is skin. Every single second skin is falling off you. But how does dust fall when nobody’s home?’

Elizabeth: ‘Dust is other things as well.’

By the end, we’ve got a good haul. Elizabeth finds creams called Elocon and Eumovate and Liquid Paraffin, which she says are good for skin. Alex finds a ship in a bottle, plus the bedsheets. I find another clock to add to our collection. The clock is called a barometer. Elizabeth says it measures air. Right now the air is

We almost go right into next door. But Alex stops us.

‘That’s my auntie’s house.’

‘Are you sure?’

‘’Course I’m sure! I always came here. That’s her name if you want proof.’

We read the doorplate. Then Elizabeth finds a scrumple of tape by the step.

Then I notice a B sprayed in gold on the doorframe.

Me: ‘I think … Calum Ian’s been in.’

Alex: ‘He can’t do that! He shouldn’t be going into my auntie’s house!’

Elizabeth: ‘Look … let’s just move on to the next house, all right?’

The tape makes a ripping then a sucking noise as we pull it off. Flies come out – we wait for them to stop. There’s a smell. Elizabeth pushes the door, but it’s stuck.

We know already what the problem is. There’s someone behind it.

Actually it isn’t a someone, it’s a something. A dog. Gone flat, like dead things usually are.

It’s easy to push aside. Once inside we find a carpet to cover the dog over with.

You can hardly even see it, once it’s covered.

Duncan used to reckon that dead things went flat because their souls had left their bodies.

He told us that Father MacGill once mentioned an experiment where they tried to measure the weight of a person’s soul, by taking their weight before and then after they had died. The difference in the sums, he said, was how much the person’s soul weighed.

Calum Ian, however, thought it was rubbish.

‘Flatness is the difference between sheep and sheepskin rugs,’ he said. ‘It’s fuck all to do with souls.’

The carpets are grey, the walls white. It feels like a dentist’s. In the front room there’s a fishtank. The water has turned green. The dead fish are floating in stringy black bits of mould. I go to dip my finger into the water just to hear what the plop sounds like.

Elizabeth: ‘Don’t!’

She comes and sprays my hand with soap.

There’s a big mess in the kitchen. Wood splinters, dust, bits of ceiling. The roof’s broken down. Amongst the dust and splinters are lots of black bags, tied. I check inside, but they’re empty. They feel damp still.

Me: ‘What happened?’

Elizabeth: ‘The roof caved in.’

This person was starting to get prepared. We find pots filled with water, but not covered. The downstairs bath got half-filled, but still not yet covered. The windows of one room are blocked with cardboard and sheets.

Then in a hallway cupboard we find food hidden in a cardboard box – enough, maybe, for weeks.

Alex: ‘We can eat and eat!’

Me: ‘And eat and eat!’

At the back of the cupboard there’s plastic tubs with the most complicated labels I’ve seen. The tubs contain pink stuff, brown stuff, yellow stuff. They are called recovery drinks. Elizabeth sniffs, tastes, then mixes some with her water bottle. She tries it, then gives me some.

‘Maybe OK?’ I say.

We find chocolate bars called Maxifuel Protein. In a big box. Meal replacement, it says. Hooray! We can eat just bars! No more tins! But they don’t taste much like chocolate, more like bad fudge. I don’t like them.

Me: ‘They safe?’

Elizabeth: ‘I think they are. Still in date.’

We find the person upstairs. I was expecting a man, but it’s a woman. She’s a mystery. She’s on the toilet floor. The floor has fallen through to downstairs. Her mask has slipped to her neck, with lots of brown spots on it: sick, or blood. There are towels laid out on the floor. The towels are dirty. There’s broken glass. There’s little red and white pills spilt in the bathroom. They’re stuck to the tiles like they got glued on. She’s wearing clothes like an Olympic runner. There’s mushy spots on her skin.

We gather our shopping on the front step. Elizabeth takes her blue spray-can and sprays a B on the door.

Alex: ‘No more New Shopping. Please. Can we not just stay outside now? I don’t want to do any more.’

Elizabeth: ‘You’ve done really, really well. Thank you. No more for today. We’re done.’

Alex: ‘Are you being truthful?’

Elizabeth: ‘Yes.’

Alex: ‘Why do we have to bother?’

Elizabeth: ‘Because we need to do all we can to survive OK? Remember? Anyway, I didn’t ask you to come upstairs with me. You should’ve stayed downstairs.’

Alex: ‘It was too late. I was there.’

I fill my backpack while Alex frets, and while Elizabeth adds the house to our map of food-stores.

People are mostly dead in bed, or in the toilet, or between the two. They smell the worst of all things, worse than cats or dogs. So you get in and out fast. And you don’t look at them in case the memory of the way they look becomes long-term.

Mum always said about bad stuff on the internet: ‘Never look for bad stuff because you can’t unsee it.’

On the way back home we stop at the cool box. For the past month, since the world started to feel warm, Elizabeth has kept Alex’s injections in a cool box in the stream beside our village.

Now she takes the foil packet out and stares at what’s left inside. When I try to be nosy, she shuts the box.

As soon as her back is turned I sneak a peek inside.

Me: ‘There’s hardly any!’

Elizabeth: ‘You … We’ve loads. OK? Enough for months.’

Me: ‘But just one packet …’

Elizabeth: ‘Shut up about it.’

Then it’s sandwich time: crackers, corned beef. Corned beef is the opposite of a Wow Word as it doesn’t taste of corn or beef. Today Elizabeth has made jelly-water. Our water on its own tastes of coal and chlorine, but add a packet of jelly cubes and it tastes like sweets.

After this she gives us each a tablet, which she says is a vitamin. Alex looks very suspicious about his, and so do I.

Me: ‘Where – honestly – did you get these?’

Elizabeth: ‘Shopping.’

Me: ‘New or Old?’

Elizabeth: ‘Just shopping.’

Me: ‘Did you get them from a bad house?’

Elizabeth: ‘Just because something comes from a bad house doesn’t mean it’s actually bad.’

Me: ‘I’m not keen.’

Alex: ‘Is it safe for diabetes?’

Elizabeth looks surprised, like she hadn’t thought of this. She digs out the boring book she always carries and reads it, frowning. In a long time she looks up.

‘It doesn’t mention vitamins … truthfully then, I don’t know. I think it’ll be all right.’

Me: ‘Polar bears have too many vitamins in their livers. You should check it isn’t made of polar bear.’

Elizabeth: ‘I think it would say on the packet. Like with cod liver oil for instance.’

Me: ‘And hot dogs, for instance.’

Elizabeth: ‘Smart arse.’

In the end we flick our vitamins into the stream. Elizabeth looks sad about it, but doesn’t stop us. It’s good fun, and I want to flick more, but she won’t allow.

‘We’re not getting enough fruit,’ she says. ‘I did a project last year about sailors in the olden days. They got something called scurvy. That’s where you need vitamin C. Your gums and skin start to bleed. Well, Calum Ian and Duncan have very red mouths, don’t they?’

Me: ‘That’s because they’re always sucking petrol for their stupid bonfires that never work.’

Elizabeth doesn’t disagree.

Me: ‘Know something? I got reminded there about our hot dogs. Remember, that the boys took? Well I want them back. It still gets me fed up that they stole them.’

Elizabeth: ‘Best forgotten.’

Me: ‘No it isn’t. I bet they have hundreds of stuff in their house. I bet they eat all night until they’re sick.’

Alex: ‘If I get sick the thingamabob that hangs down my throat comes out.’

Elizabeth: ‘Rubbish, it only feels like it does.’

Me: ‘I think we should go to war with them.’

Elizabeth: ‘Nobody’s going to war. We all need to stick together. Remember – what’s going to work?’

We deliberately don’t say – teamwork.

When Elizabeth and Alex go back home I lie and say I’m going for a walk.

It’s not usual for me to go alone, but she looks fed up or in a sad mood again so I get away with it.

I know their garden right away. I know their street even, because of all the black bits from fires.

Six of the posts along one fence, charred and burnt. Burnt black spots of grass, like a spaceship landed and bounced. A whole front garden, burnt in a square. A kid’s plastic go-kart half-melted into glue.

They haven’t burnt their own garden. The nameplate says R. MACNEIL. I spy around the windows like Ruby Redfort on a mission. They must be upstairs.

A sprinkled heap of coats in the hall. The carpet looks worn, but then I see it’s dried mud. Two pairs of wellies, neatly together. There’s a family smell, stronger than Duncan’s even, sort of like gammon crisps.

The living room’s a mess. Bits of fishing rod, nets, lines, lumps of metal. There’s a lot of empty cereal packets. Standards are slipping, Mum would say. There’s shopping baskets on the floor full of games, DVDs. Some of the DVDs have been melted, by Duncan I guess.

A jar on the table, full of brown muck, with darts in it. What’s that all about? It smells bad.

They must be out. I do an actorly halloooo up the stairs, but nobody shouts back.

I go upstairs. The first room must be Duncan’s: it’s a mess across the floor and smells of socks. The next room is very tidy, with even the bed made. Posters of football players, blue bedsheets, boxing gloves.

But then I realise that they’re not sleeping in either of these rooms because there’s another room: with a big bed for adults. On top of this bed are two sleeping bags, with a pillow at one end and a pillow at the other.

So many beds, they didn’t know which to choose. Calum Ian’s teddy is a monkey. Duncan’s is an Eeyore with all the stuffing coming out. Their pillows are manky, with brown bits and spots of blood on Duncan’s.

I look around the room. Duncan’s fiddle books, like he was reading them before bed. Then inside Calum Ian’s sleeping bag I see a drawing book.

The first drawing is of five kids, made up like a family. A man and a wife, one big son, middle daughter, little son. All holding hands.

With a longer look I see that the family is us. And Calum Ian made himself the dad, and Elizabeth his wife.

Feeling disgusted but still laughing, I punch Duncan’s pillow. But it feels hard, nearly breaks my hand – I find a fishing trophy hidden under it.

The trophy has his dad’s name, next to Silver Darling – One Day Winner.

Underneath Calum Ian’s pillow – there’s a camera.

It’s got batteries. It’s working. It takes me ten or twenty seconds to work it out. AUTO to get snappy, to look.

I take a picture of my knees, both feet, then my big toes.

Then the back of my throat to show the thingamabob that Alex was talking about. That looks weird.