Kitabı oku: «Revealed: His Secret Child», sayfa 2

Two

Gillian’s stomach churned. What was going to happen now? She knew only one thing. She knew it the instant Max recognized himself in Ethan.

The carefully protected bubble of her life was about to be blown apart. She followed Ethan through to the kitchen. Every slow deliberate step of Max’s Italian-loafer-clad feet sounded like an ax fall behind her.

But underneath her anxiety she recognized a flicker of relief. The relief a condemned man might feel on his way to execution. If nothing else, the agony of anticipating the inevitable was over.

She’d known Max was head of PR for Cameron Enterprises. She’d known, therefore, that her articles had the potential to bring her into contact with him. And that perhaps the time had come to tell him about Ethan.

But not in her own home. She’d never thought that. Not where he could see her son. Not without her first doing the impossible and preparing Max for the news.

In the center of the kitchen she stopped as Ethan climbed onto his booster seat at the table. So much about her kitchen and its cozy dining area advertised the fact that a child lived here. Which was why she hadn’t brought Max to this room in the first place.

Her half-drunk coffee sat on the opposite side of the table from Ethan. The same newspaper that had brought Max to her door lay folded to reveal the crossword, reminding her that a mere ten minutes ago her biggest problem had been finding an eleven-letter word for incident.

Her day had stretched out, relaxed and pleasant, before her.

She needed to move, to be doing something. Keeping her back to Max and Ethan, she poured a bowl of cereal. With hands that weren’t quite steady, she sliced banana into the bowl and added milk, but there was only so long she could drag the preparation out. Eventually, she had to turn from the counter and face the music. Or in this case the absolute silence.

Max sat in the chair she’d vacated earlier, opposite Ethan. They were staring at each other—from perfectly matched blue eyes—with unabashed curiosity. Ethan could outstare almost anyone. She now realized where that ability had come from.

Gillian set her son’s bowl in front of him, milk slopping over the side as she did so. Her hands clenched into fists, her nails dug into her palms. She had to calm down, take control, of herself and of the situation.

Ethan, having looked his fill at the stranger, picked up his spoon and began eating, his breakfast now more important than the man at the table. Gillian found a cloth for the spilled milk.

And Max … watched.

He still hadn’t spoken a word and his silence may not be affecting Ethan, but every second of it ratcheted up the tension in her stomach. “Do you want coffee?”

He shook his head. A single abrupt movement.

She’d known her son looked like his father, but seeing them here together for the first time, the resemblance was even stronger than she’d realized. Seeing them here together was both her greatest wish and her greatest fear.

“What’s your name?” Ethan had stopped spooning cereal into his mouth long enough to ask the innocent question.

Max opened his mouth.

“His name’s Mr. Preston,” she said before Max could supply anything confusing or startling, because she’d suddenly had the terrifying thought that this man, who’d had no intention of ever being a father, had been about to say “Daddy.”

“Pweston.”

“We’ll find something else for you to call me,” Max said, the piercing blue of his arctic gaze firmly on Gillian. He looked back at her son. “What’s your name?”

“Ethan. An’ I’m gonna be three soon. How old are you?”

Max’s eyebrows shot up. Clearly he wasn’t used to the directness of a child’s questioning. He ought to be, he was pretty good at it himself. A smile lifted the corners of his lips, momentarily smoothing the deep lines that had furrowed his brow. “I’m thirty-two. Nearly thirty-three.” His gaze swung to her. “Which means I was thirty when you were born.”

Not here. Not now. Gillian tried to telegraph the silent message to him. Not in front of Ethan. “His birthday is the same day as yours,” she said quietly. Max jerked back as though she’d hit him.

“Do you wanna see my twain?”

“Yeah,” he said, to all outward appearances calm and back in control, “I’d like that.”

Max stood and father and son left the table, Ethan trotting ahead, Max tossing aside his leather jacket and modifying his stride to follow. Gillian couldn’t bear to follow but knew she had to. She had to be there in case Max said anything to upset or confuse Ethan.

As calmly and as quietly as he’d sat at the table, she could tell he was livid. But that anger was for her. She didn’t think he’d let Ethan see it—after all, he was better than any man she’d ever met at controlling his emotions.

With dragging footsteps, she followed. She stood in the doorway and watched as, for twenty minutes, Max lay on his side, propped up on one elbow on her family room floor, his long legs stretched out and his shirtsleeves rolled up, playing trains with his son. The sight was as surreal as if James Bond had waltzed in and done the same thing. With an obedience that had to be alien to him, he pushed engines and carriages around a blue plastic track, taking garbled advice from the expert on the trains’ names and what they carried and the appropriate noises to make. The two of them spun stories and orchestrated derailments.

It broke her heart.

She thought she’d done the right thing.

She was so sure she’d done the right thing. For everyone. For Max because he didn’t want a family, for Ethan because he deserved better than a father who didn’t want him and for her because she hadn’t wanted to trap, or be trapped with, a man who didn’t love her, who didn’t open up emotionally, who would always put his career ahead of anything else in his life. Who would ultimately, in the ways that counted, reject her and their son.

She’d thought she could provide all that Ethan needed.

But now? A chasm had opened and uncertainty flooded in.

For the first time since they’d come into the room, Max looked at her. The light, the softness, the pleasure that had been in his eyes, dimmed and hardened. In one swift movement he stood. “Are you all right here, son, if I go and talk to Mommy?“

“Son” Gillian went cold. It was just an expression. He wasn’t the first man to call Ethan “son.” It didn’t mean anything. Despite the fact that he was the first man for whom it was truly more than just an expression.

Ethan didn’t look up from the train he was pushing toward a tunnel as he said, “Uh-huh.” She hadn’t had any daddy questions from him yet. She’d known they’d come one day but she’d hoped that day was a long way off.

A tendril of fear snaked through her. What if there was more to Max’s reaction than anger over the secret she’d kept? What if he wanted to claim Ethan? Max, because of his nature and his profession, chose words carefully. And if he’d called Ethan “son”…

He wouldn’t. He couldn’t.

Two long strides had Max at her side, his fingers gripping her elbow as he spun her and led her back to the kitchen. Three years and he still used the same cologne. Eternity. The one that made her think of him whenever she’d smelled it. The scent reassured her. He was a creature of habit. He didn’t change his ways for anyone. He wouldn’t want a son. There would be no room in his life.

Her legs unsteady, and needing some kind of barrier in front of her, she sat at the table. She traced a scar in the old wood with her fingernail as he paced her too-small kitchen, tension and anger radiating off him in waves.

He’d always been passionate—about his career, his life and at one point about her. She could still vividly remember their lovemaking. But now that passion was channeled into anger. The fact that he hadn’t yet given vent to it gave her a clue as to how powerful it was.

If he decided he wanted visitation rights she’d give him that, but only if he could guarantee that it would be permanent, that. Gillian threaded her fingers into her hair. Where was she going with this?

He was still pacing and turning. Gillian kept her gaze on the table but she heard his step, felt his presence surrounding, suffocating her. If only he’d say something. Anything. Finally, the footsteps stopped.

“He’s my son.”

Anything except that.

The controlled, quietly spoken words, that simple statement of fact, contained a wealth of emotion. But they hadn’t been a question so Gillian said nothing.

“How dare you?”

That, however, was most definitely a question. She looked up. He stood with his back to her looking out the window above the counter and she was grateful she didn’t have to meet his gaze. “I did what I thought was best.”

He spun back to her. “Best?” He ground the word out, ice in his gaze.

She had to force herself to meet that anger, feel that wintry animosity. “You didn’t want children. You broke up with me because I mentioned the word just once.”

He shook his head in disbelief. “You were pregnant then?”

“Yes.”

“How?”

“Do you remember that week we both caught a stomach virus?”

“The one I picked up on a trip to Boston and passed to you?”

“I didn’t think I’d been that sick.” She lifted her shoulder. “But it interfered with the pill and I got pregnant.”

“And you didn’t—” He turned back to the window. “I’m that boy’s—”

“Ethan’s.”

He crossed to the table, leaned on his fists, his face close to hers. Her heart thundered but she wouldn’t back away from his intimidation.

“I’m Ethan’s father.” His voice was lethally calm, but a bluish vein pulsed in his temple. “And you never once thought I had a right to know that.”

She’d thought it a million times but common sense had always prevailed.

“Are you my daddy?”

Gillian’s heart plummeted at her son’s happy, singsong question. Inquisitive and bright with the hearing of a bat, he never missed a thing.

For an instant, Max’s gaze fixed on hers and for the first time there was something other than anger in it. Was he looking for her permission? She shook her head. “No,” she whispered. “Not now.”

His gaze hardened. “If not now, then when?” Max pulled out the chair next to Gillian, spun it so it faced Ethan, and sat leaning his forearms on his knees, putting himself closer to Ethan’s level. “Yes. I’m your daddy,” he said gently.

So much for needing her permission.

She watched her son for his reaction. Ethan frowned, stared at Max for a few seconds, and then smiled. “Come play.”

Max glanced questioningly at Gillian. If he’d expected Ethan to be as stunned by the discovery as he’d been, he was very much mistaken.

She stood. “How about I put your favorite movie on, honey?” Normally, Gillian discouraged the watching of TV. Today was not normal. “The one about trains.”

“Okay.” Ethan headed blithely for the family room.

When she got back, Max was exactly where she’d left him, sitting in the chair, staring at the doorway, forearms resting on splayed knees. “Did you have to tell him that?”

He jerked upright. “I was hardly going to leave it to you,” he said quietly. “He deserves to know before he turns eighteen.”

“He’s never asked.”

“Well, he did and now he knows. And at least now he doesn’t have to call me Pweston.” And for just a second a wry smile lifted a corner of his lips and amusement passed between them. Then vanished. “I had a right to know, too, before he came looking for me wanting to know why he’d grown up without his father.”

“You didn’t want children.”

“I didn’t want to do jury service last year, either, but I did, and I coped and I think I did a good job.”

“Ethan deserves better than a father who’s only there because he has to be.”

“It’s better than no father at all.”

“Is it? I didn’t think so.” She’d had a reluctant, resentful, part-time father for her early years. It had taken her many more years to realize that his attitude and actions and eventual desertion were not a reflection of her worth. Even so, his rejection of her had shaped who she was.

“Clearly. But family is important. Having a mother and a father, that’s how it’s supposed to be.”

“Only if that mother and father both want to be there. Only if neither of them is resenting the child for its very existence.”

His gaze was cold on her face till finally, after a silence that stretched and hardened like a wall between them, he spoke.

“I had a right to know, and you denied me that right. You denied me two years and ten months of my child’s life?”

Gillian said nothing. She’d made the best decision she could with the facts she had at the time. And the fact was that Max had wanted nothing permanent in his life. Not a relationship and certainly not a child. For all the grueling and lonely time over those years, they had also been the best, most satisfying times of her life. She’d seen her son grow from a baby, his personality developing. It had been a privilege and a delight and she’d denied Max that opportunity. High-flying, career-driven, workaholic Max Preston who wouldn’t have time in his life for a child. Who’d said he didn’t want children. Ever.

High-flying, career-driven, workaholic Max Preston who’d just spent half an hour on her family-room floor playing trains. She wanted to weep. “If you’d called just once, just once, after we broke up …”

He shook his head. “Don’t you dare try to blame me.”

“I’m not. I’m just …” She didn’t know what she was. Confused? Anxious?

Max surged from his chair, strode back to the window.

“This changes everything.” He turned back to her. “Pack your bags.”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean pack your bags. My son will know me. He’ll grow up with his father as part of a family. I’m seeing to that today.”

Gillian gripped the table as though that could anchor her. “I don’t understand what you’re saying.”

“I’m saying,” he said quietly, “that we’re getting married.”

Three

Married?

Surely she had misheard him.

She’d never been good at reading his face but there was no mistaking the implacable seriousness of his voice.

And it terrified her.

But now was not the time to give in to, or even show, her fear. She thought frantically. This Max was not the man she’d thought she knew. “Maybe I owe you something.” Gillian spoke calmly, surprising herself with her composure. Deliberately, she released her grip on the table and rested her hands in her lap.

Where they clenched into fists as she struggled to find her center in a world that was spinning, threatening to spiral out of control.

“Damn right you do.”

“And yes, maybe we need to work something out but—”

“There are no maybes and buts, and there’s no we. I’ve already worked it out.”

She remembered that about him, how decisively he acted. She used to like that confidence, that absolute certainty, but what she needed from him now was compromise and recognition that there would have to be negotiation. So it was up to her to be the reasonable one.

He’d see sense.

He had to.

She stood and crossed to him. The cold fury he radiated stopped her from getting too close. But she knew there was a reasonable man inside there. Once he’d let her see glimpses of a loving side that had enamored her. “You can see Ethan as much as you want. You can have visitation on the weekends, I won’t argue with that. Of course, initially, I’ll have to be there at all times, to reassure him, but as he gets used to you—”

“You have no idea, do you?” Max closed what remained of the gap she’d left between them, drawing himself up to his full six feet, using every tactic, and none of them subtle, to dominate. “I’ve already missed out on two years and ten months of my son’s life.” He spoke quietly. “I’m not settling for visitation on your terms on the weekends. But I can be reasonable.”

Gillian dared to hope.

“I’ll give you two options. You come to Vegas with me right now and marry me—giving Ethan a father who is married to his mother.” His gaze raked over her. Such coldness where once there’d been such heat. Once just a look between them and passion combusted. “And don’t worry,” he said as though he’d read her thoughts, “I won’t be claiming any marital rights. Anything I felt for you is long dead.”

Gillian held herself utterly still, showed no reaction. If he was lashing out now, it was no more than she expected. All she needed from him was a glimmer of reasonableness. “And my second option?” She held tight to her faint hope.

Ethan’s gurgling laughter drifted through from the living room. Max glanced that way before training his hardened gaze back on her. “Or we face off in court. And it’ll be you who’s fighting to get weekend visitation rights.”

That faint hope withered. “You wouldn’t.” But she didn’t believe her own assertion. “You wouldn’t take him from me.”

“Just try me, Gillian. You had no qualms about taking him from me.”

Cold dread seized her. He would do it. He was ruthless enough and furious enough. And rich enough.

She had her salary from the newspaper, and she could sell this house she’d inherited from her grandmother, and she even had a small nest egg—for a rainy day. It was no insurance against the storm of the century that Max could call down on her shoulders. He’d use the Preston millions to fight for custody of her son. Make sure he got his way. She wouldn’t stand a chance.

He slid his phone from his pocket. “I’m calling my lawyers. It’s your choice as to whether I instruct them to start proceedings for a custody suit or to draw up a prenup and fax it through to the jet before we land in Vegas.”

Gillian stared at him. He held her gaze, unflinching, unbending. Finally, she spoke. “You know my choice.”

Max smiled. Perfect white teeth, cold blue eyes. “Pack your bags while I make the call. We’re leaving in ten minutes and won’t be back till tomorrow.”

“No. We’re not.”

“Changed your mind already?” His thumb hovered over a button on his phone.

“No. I’m providing you with a demonstration of why you didn’t, don’t, want children. Ten minutes isn’t enough. It’s not a case of throwing a few things into a bag anymore. I’ll need food for Ethan, his music, his favorite books, clothes and his blanket. I haven’t showered yet myself. I’ll need an hour. At least.”

“I’ll give you half an hour. We can buy whatever we need.”

“We can’t buy his favorite blanket.”

“That’s why I’m giving you half an hour, not ten minutes.” He pressed a button on his phone, lifted it to his ear. “Tristan.” He smiled at something the other man said then glanced at Gillian. “Yeah. It’s important.”

Dimly, she heard him talking while she made her way upstairs. This couldn’t be happening. Numbly, she showered and changed and then packed.

Max said nothing when she reappeared forty-five minutes later. She stood at the doorway to the family room, two cases behind her, surveying Ethan and Max as they played trains on a completely redesigned track that now appeared to be under attack by rampaging dinosaurs.

Max scanned her from head to toe. He didn’t look at his watch and he didn’t say anything. She had no idea whether his lack of comment on her timekeeping was due to forbearance because of Ethan’s presence, or because he’d lost track of time.

“Daddy,” Ethan said, “look.”

Max’s eyes widened and he looked sharply back at Ethan.

She’d seen his shock. Felt it herself. “Daddy.” Her son had called him “Daddy.” As though for him it was the most natural thing in the world. But she knew that single word had rocked both Max’s and her world to the core.

He’d never wanted children. At all, he’d said. And now a little boy was calling him “Daddy.” Already making demands on him. It wasn’t too late for Max to back out. Gillian held her breath.

Far from backing out, Max reached across and ruffled Ethan’s curls. “Come on, tiger.” Ethan seemed to swell with pride at the power of the nickname. “Mommy’s waiting.” He watched Gillian for her reaction. She was too numb to show any.

Out on the driveway he looked from his two-door Maserati coupe to her hatchback.

“There’s not a lot of room in the back of yours for Ethan.” She stated the obvious. “And his car seat and CDs are already in my car. And wipes for sticky hands.” She wasn’t going to feel sorry for him. This situation was of his own making. The sacrifice of driving to the airport in L.A. in her car was nothing compared to what he was asking her to do.

He shook his head. Resignation? She wasn’t sure.

Lulled by the noise and the motion, Ethan was sleeping by the time the jet landed in Las Vegas. As it taxied to a halt, Max and Gillian both stood looking at him. His face and the cream leather armchair his car seat was strapped into were smudged with peanut butter, his head was tipped to one side, long lashes curling on his cheeks. Max reached for the buckles. “You take the bags,” she said. “I’ll take Ethan. If he wakes in someone else’s arms he might get upset.” Max shrugged, acquiescent now that he’d gotten his way where it counted. Or wary of getting covered in peanut butter?

Gillian crouched in front of the armchair, gently releasing the buckles. Ethan slowly opened his eyes. He smiled when he saw her and her heart swelled as it always did. “Where’s Daddy?”

Gillian closed her eyes at the stab of hurt. “He’s right here, sweetheart.” She moved so that Ethan could see Max. She looked up at him expecting to see gloating, but what she saw was worse, and she looked away from the pity in his gaze.

In the chapel’s waiting room, thoughtfully equipped with a toy box, Ethan played. Max, now wearing the dark suit he’d changed into on the jet, relaxed in one of the armchairs calmly sending emails and making and taking calls on his phone while Gillian paced the red carpet.

The door to the waiting room opened and the celebrant’s assistant beckoned them. Gillian and Ethan packed up the toys. She kept hold of a book for Ethan to look at during the service, and walked to the door. She held her son’s hand, hoping that he didn’t sense she was, for the first time in their almost three years together, the one needing reassurance from the contact.

The assistant smiled at Gillian and patted her shoulder as she stopped in front of her. “Don’t worry. Most brides are a little nervous.” Gillian wasn’t nervous so much as in shock. Just this morning she’d been deciding between cleaning the fridge and finishing her book. The fridge had been looking like the loser. Now the loser was her—marrying a man because of an ultimatum.

She squared her shoulders. She just needed to get through this. Max would have what he wanted—his name on a marriage certificate beside hers—and they could go home and get on with their lives.

“And you do look beautiful,” said the assistant.

She glanced down at the dress that at the last minute she’d decided to bring. A silver shift dress she’d bought a couple of months ago to attend a work cocktail party with her friend Maggie. If she was going to get married, then she was going to look at least halfway decent doing it. If nothing else came of this, Ethan would have a picture of his parents marrying. She wanted to create the most realistic illusion she could. Max came to stand beside her.

“Doesn’t she, sir?” The assistant looked to Max for his agreement.

“She’s always looked lovely,” he said, as though the fact bothered him.

“The two of you make a very handsome couple,” the assistant continued, oblivious to the tension between them. The other woman had to be delusional if she thought they made a good couple, but maybe it helped her get pleasure from her job.

The three of them, Max, Gillian and Ethan, walked into the chapel itself. Music, a tune she didn’t recognize, wafted from unseen speakers. Her heels tapped out her reluctant progress on the pale terra-cotta tiles as they made their way up the aisle between rows of white wrought-iron chairs.

“Mommy, you’re holding too tight.”

She eased her hold on her son’s hand. “Sorry, sweetie,” she whispered. If she had a bouquet she could squeeze the flowers instead. Max reached for her free hand, held it firmly. She flicked a glance in his direction, saw his frown, saw a muscle working in his jaw. But oddly, there was a strange comfort in his clasp.

She’d never been the sort to dream about her perfect wedding, but if she had, this certainly wouldn’t have been it.

The marriage celebrant, a dark-haired woman in her mid-twenties, stood at the front of the room between wisteria-twined columns. “At least she’s not an Elvis impersonator,” Gillian murmured. The corner of Max’s lips lifted.

At the front of the chapel she sat Ethan on one of the chairs, crouched in front of him and whispered for him to be good and very quiet for just a few minutes. “Why?” he asked loudly.

“I’ll explain soon, okay?” She patted his knee and straightened. Her heart thudding, she walked back to Max, standing facing him. At a signal from the celebrant, the music quieted. And into the silence a little voice piped up. “Mommy, I’m hungwy.”

Gillian looked at Max. The glacial blue gaze thawed to reveal suppressed amusement. “We’ll get you something to eat real soon, tiger,” he said. And that was enough. If it had been Gillian, the assurance would have been questioned. What? When? But I’m hungry now. Ethan’s attention shifted to the small board book in his lap.

“We are gathered here today …” As the celebrant began to speak, Gillian tuned out the words. They meant nothing to her. She trained her gaze on the column beyond Max’s shoulder.

“… on her left hand and repeat after me.” Those words cut through snapping her attention back to Max.

He reached for her hand and slipped a wedding band on to her finger. He’d had the ring sent out to the jet. Born to privilege, he was the sort of man who made things happen the way he wanted.

For example, her presence here.

He passed another ring, similar but larger, to her. This ring was one of her few victories today. If she could call it that. When Max had paused during a phone call that she’d been paying no attention to, to ask her if she had any preferences in rings, she’d insisted that if she was going to wear a ring then he ought to, too. With a nod, he’d ordered two rings. A small concession on his part, but a concession nonetheless.

She repeated the words the celebrant spoke and slid the ring in question onto his finger. A part of her recognized her relief at the fact that he would be wearing a ring, too. He’d be marked as married. To her. It wasn’t all one-sided.

“I now pronounce you husband and wife.”

For the first time since he’d realized Ethan was his, the hard edge of tension that had seemed to grip him softened.

“You may kiss your bride.”

Max’s gaze met hers. Met and held. Her husband. The thought threatened to overwhelm her.

“Thank you,” he said softly. Holding her hands, he leaned forward.

Too numb to do anything else, she accepted the gentle brush of his lips across hers. The memory of his capacity for tenderness surfaced.

And for just a second she closed her eyes and her own tension eased.

It was done.

His wife and son.

Max walked with Gillian and Ethan from the chapel and out into the Las Vegas sunshine.

A wife he’d married only to give their son a lawful family and to guarantee an instant part in their life.

A wife he’d expected to feel nothing for. A wife whom he’d had to restrain himself from taking in his arms and holding, because Gillian—always confident, always certain—had looked so … lost.

They crossed the cobblestone courtyard to the limousine. She held the pictures taken by the chapel’s bored photographer loosely in one hand. Neither of them had looked at the photos.

He prided himself on his efficiency, on how much he managed to achieve in any given day. But finishing the day with a family, when he’d started it as a footloose, career-focused bachelor, was a major accomplishment even for him. And one he wouldn’t have seen coming in a million years. He’d never intended to have a family of his own. He’d wanted to avoid the commitments and bonds that came with family. But just because it wasn’t what he wanted for himself didn’t mean he didn’t absolutely believe in its importance.

And Ethan—his son—would have it.

He looked at the boy trotting at his side.

Without a long drawn-out battle, he’d secured a permanent and legal place in his son’s life. And he’d served notice to Gillian that he wasn’t going to let her shut him out.

A driver stood at the waiting vehicle and handed Gillian and a chattering Ethan into the back. Max followed. She eased herself over to the far side of the wide leather seat. The bulky car seat between them provided a physical barrier, Ethan’s presence a barrier of another kind. It was probably for the best.

He was still in no mood to make nice to the woman who had deceived him, but he was getting there. There were moments, even aside from the kiss, when he forgot what lay between them and remembered the connection they’d shared, saw a glimmer of possibility for something new.

They were in this together now, and he was going to make it work.

On his terms.

She pulled a small box of raisins from her handbag and passed it to Ethan along with a slice of cheese. She looked up and caught him watching her. “You want some? I have more in my bag.” She almost smiled.

Worse, he almost smiled back.

They’d had good times once. “Do we need to stop somewhere for food, or can Ethan wait till we’re on the jet? There’s a fully stocked galley on board.”

“This will tide him over. And, Max.” The way she spoke his name brought back memories. “Thanks for asking.”